Month: May 2020

I wonder. They say that when two souls love each other who have a spiritual connection together can communicate telepathically with their dreams. I dreamt of you. All the dreams I have of you are so vivid, so real. As if they are vision beckoning me to my future, our future. You were and are a beautiful dream but sometimes I wonder, if I go through this, do you also go through it too. Do you dream of me too? If you do, isn’t that enough of a confirmation to give this a try? Isn’t it enough confirmation that when we look at each other we remember each other? From a time long past as if we have lived past lives together. Isn’t this justice?, a much needed justice to having been so apart for so long. Will you ever reach out to and for me? Am I the only always to fight for this connection wheb you feel, see ans know it too? Isn’t it time? To give love a chance. Our love a chance.

I still remember when my friends keep saying that men cheat all the time
How I used to smile like a fool between me and myself
saying to myself that this could never happen to me
that I got me a faithful man, a man that I thought would be honest, loyal, and faithful
I still remember that day when I discovered your infidelity with other women (yes wasn’t one only!)
I still remember how everything seemed to shatter with a blink of an eye
how could a person pretends to love another and promises a lifetime of happiness, yet deceive them every single day!
I still can’t comprehend how can any human being sleeps next to their lovers so peacefully without any guilt!
how could a person say I love you and I want to make you happy when they were heading towards breaking their heart!
Was I your comfort zone? did you get used to my love to a point you needed to seek others?
I still don’t know what was going in your mind every time you went on with your cheating!
How were you able to smile to my face! To hug me! to kiss me! to say you want to keep me happy!
It breaks my heart that I could’ve left you earlier when I started to feel lonely around you
When I felt you’re not giving me the same attention you used to, but I said to myself, it’s okay, this is just a rough patch that we can get over!
I hope our paths never cross again! For I don’t want to see you ever again
and the most painful of all the things I’m going through right now, is that I find myself weak at times, wanting to call you, to see you, to touch you
but I know, soon I will be able to let go of you completely for it’s been only 3 weeks now

Wherever you are, I hope you find what you’re looking for (even though you kept insisting it was me)

I used to come here to write you years ago.

But you didn’t read me. You didn’t know. You never will. I was in love with you.

I think this time I have come back to simply say goodbye.

My eyes no longer linger for yours. My heart no longer flutters when our eyes secretly meet. My stomach no longer does flip flops when you say something just a touch out of line to me. My heart is not that cheap. No.

I let go of that dream a long time ago. I let go of that dream when you lied to me, to my face and attempted to gaslight me.

I wish we could have talked it out, but we couldn’t have. Not us. Not you. So glad I never fully gave into you.

Complicated

I know we are together, and that I am almost your first everything. I can’t help but feel you are not as interested in me as I am in you. We did talk about this, and you did agree that I was way more into you than you were of me. It’s hard loving the person more than the person loves you. The only way I know how to cope with it is to write random letters that will never get to you. Because deep down, I feel like these feelings of mine are unreasonable and unfair to you.

Roughly 10 years ago, I met a guy who I thought was my soulmate. It was definitely the right person wrong time kind of situation. I’ve been in other relationships after him. He, I felt, was the one that got away. We’ve reconnected and decided it was finally time to close that chapter. I know now that I don’t love him the same way I used to. My memories of our time together was really the only thing I was holding onto before. I’m not in love with the man he is today. That love we had is now a mere memory. I thought I’d never find a love as powerful as his.

But Bryan, then I met you. What I feel for you is like no other.

When we first met, you were in one of your favorite anime outfits at my sister’s Halloween party. Immediately I was captivated toward you, but steered away because I wasn’t ready for a relationship. The age gap was also something I was cautious about. I couldn’t stop having you on the back of my mind since then. It was love at first sight for me. I was drawn to your smile, your kindness…your overall demeanor.

In January I actually got to know you better and fell for you even more. We got along so well. I felt so comfortable and uncomfortable with you. I have all these different emotions happening simultaneously when I’m with you. I’ve fallen madly in love with you more than I have ever before. I never felt this way before. This scares me so much…

I know deep down that you don’t feel the same way. I know you like me and are attracted to me etc. etc. However, the rip your heart out kind of love is not what you feel for me. It breaks my heart everyday. I just wish you felt the same way I do for you. All I can do is cherish every single second of time I have with you. I’ll enjoy what we have for as long as I can.

There will be a day where I will challenge this, because I know I deserve a love that is mutual. I just don’t think I could ever let you go.

I will be so patient, loyal, honest, kind, respectful, and affectionate with you. This will never change. I can’t be mad at you for not feeling the same way. All I can do is just be myself and hope that’s enough. I love you so much Bryan. I really would anything for you. Even if it meant letting you go. One day, you’ll decide if you want to stay with me or not. Even if you decide not to be with me anymore, I will only wish you happiness. I just don’t think I could love another. I will always love you and never leave your side. I miss you so much baby.

-Your Darling

I fucking hate you. Your introversion is so extreme that I wonder if you have a personality disorder. You are the most aloof, snotty, immature bitch that I’ve ever worked with. The way you blow people off and ignore them makes me wonder why they even hired you. Your “professional” dress is so disgusting. Hooker heels, Vans and skin-tight leggings are NOT considered professional dress. You are the most disgusting cunt that I’ve ever worked with. You are white trash and I’m glad your cancer is back. Bitch!

Dear W. Adonis

If you ever still come on here, just know that I still miss you and will Always Love You no matter how much our lives has changed and gone our separate ways. You are someone I will never forget about. I dreamt about you the other night, I got so happy when I woke up because I got to see a glimpse of your beautiful face in my dream. I know it’s been years but you will always have a piece of my heart.. You were one of the best things that has happened to me in my life..
I have no way of contacting you anymore,but I know that you are happily married now. You deserve all the best life has to offer!!! Maybe some day in some other life time we will get to be together again..

I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER.

N.Carter

Jer,
You ghosted me. I don’t blame you. Without meaning to I bring you pain every time I reach out to you.
But her?? The woman you told me you were over, indifferent to? Why? Why not just tell me you couldn’t stand to be without her? Why did you have to just disappear on me, make me afraid that you were dead, then break my heart?
I know I can’t compete with her. She gave you a daughter. I can’t give you anything that even compares. But all the love we shared over the years, and even after I went long distance, all for nothing.
I’m kicking myself too. I was going to leave this shit place and get an apartment and say “Surprise, I’m here, I’ve got a place for us.” But I waited too long, and now someone else has you thinking “What if we never broke up?”
I fell in love with you all over again as you sobered up, got your shit together. I just wish I could hold you and make you love me the same way. Fuck’s sake, I love you so fucking much.
-Pearl

Dear Brandon,

You pulled our son’s hair and intentionally hurt him! I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for something like that. Yes, he was hurting me by pulling my hair, and if we were in kindergarten, I would applaud you. There is a big power difference between all of us, and you are ruining it.

I don’t know if I can forgive you all of the other stuff too. Did you that I have been drinking almost every other night (sometimes more) to cope with my anxiety of not knowing what you are going tpl dl next.

Your outbursts are frightening to me! I am scared shirtless with you, simply because I have a child with you. I ache for the man that I used to know when I was pregnant.

It is fucking sad.