I am 29 years old and broken.
A number of years back they canceled Bingo in small town here, but one of my fondest memories are nights with my grandma at the Elks lodge. I would get a Crunch bar and bar tap Coke before sitting down with our group of ladies and taking the colorful ink blotters to the game sheets.
Elsewise I recall times there with my great grandpa, mocking pool with the kids of his friends and attempting to watch Jem on the projector screen in the game room, back then there seemed to be more static with the tech. Seasons spent there seem a wholesome treat now and a structurally sound point of reference in the framework of my memories for role models.
In his eyes reflected decades of absentee love. Love never to be realized, caress of touch never to be felt, love’s glint chasing across eyes met, never to be seen, the possibility that lives intersected was purposeful and meant would be discarded. The field of sunlit flowers dies away in time, it leaves fleeting glimpses and times fog on memories. The child is grown, the dream is gone. Sadly only husks of the child’s heart remain, cold winds overwhelm the warm breezes of a hopeful man’s youth. Playful words tinged with the adoration of his youthful desire are erased, slapped from his lips by realitys cruel hand.If ever doubted, please know all is written in complete honesty and true remorse of a past life denied. That childman will be missed until he too vanishes into time’s relentless fog. I hope these innocents, tarnished by time, will rediscover this soft field and get it right in the next life.
Her name is Astrid. My daughter had a dream about adopting a little black and white kitty, so we took her to Petsmart and let her pick out a kitten. She saw Astrid and knew immediately.
We have a tall cat tree, and Astrid being the battle cat she is will instigate combat by swatting at my heels before pouncing onto the tree and flip flopping back and forth while she tries to catch my fingers. I like to distract her with the right hand while I give her pets with the left hand while she gives me the frustrated fangs stuck between the posts and the wall. It’s great.
What was categorically a blizzard and most of it is already melted away. My partner was miraculously able to make it home in the thick of it in our little Hyundai, only getting stuck when pulling into the home lot. All this time living here and we still hadn’t invested in a snow shovel, I’m out there in my long coat trying to get the snow out from around the tires with a child’s shovel, which isn’t doing too bad but it’s still a relief when our neighbor shows up outside to help.
The next day the kids on the block are sledding on big hills made from the plows and we’re making small talk with the other parents. We make loose plan to have a dinner night at Black Sky Brewery sometime in the future while building a snowman together.
felt so real
I am not okay, and I am finally admitting it. I am in a weird rut in my life at 29. I know I should be grateful for my health, employment, have a roof over my head (even if I still live at home with my mom). This pandemic has highlighted and exacerbated my depression and unhappiness.
Most people hear that I live at home and still get mixed reviews, but still, it bothers me. I am getting tired of nodding and acting like I am okay with it. Truth be told that I wasn’t smart with my finances, and it caught up to me. I am working on paying things off and planning. My mom has been so gracious by allowing me to stay here, and I am truly grateful.
Secondly, I am in a relationship that I am not happy in and have been in for the last 12 years. I told him before the new year that I wanted to end things, but he did not listen and acted like nothing. He has made it abundantly clear that he is never leaving me, and I don’t know what to do. I am stuck!!!!!!!!!!!!
Days go by and I’m unable to locate any explanation of what I witnessed outside of my home, but there’s an exp of numerous other reports on various other shootings that happened in town within this short window of time and stranger still a party riot over at CU Boulder where hundreds of people participated in and culminated in a few destroyed cars and trashed streets. Here I am though, still no answers on what transpired in my own area.
I’m playing team battle in my game and get shot down by PoPoKnowsBest when I notice the lights outside. My actual streets been blocked off by police cars and it stays that way for a good bit before I see them turn off the lights and officers start combing the area with flashlights. Another fifteen minutes or so pass by and I hear a series of pops nearby that sounds like gunfire and my anxiety skyrockets. I start trying to google any possible hint of what’s happening out there but it’s still too soon. I’m not sure how well I’ll sleep tonight .
I can handle anythingheart break is nothing new. Judgement is water off a duck. Want to or need to stab me in the back? pick a scar to put your knife
Doesn’t affect me doesn’t surprise me any more.
But ask me to stay sober? That for me is the true hell…
I’m an alcoholic, have been for a long time and every reason to stop has proven it’s self to be not worth the effort. If if one did come along the psychological withdrawal is enough