I know we are together, and that I am almost your first everything. I can’t help but feel you are not as interested in me as I am in you. We did talk about this, and you did agree that I was way more into you than you were of me. It’s hard loving the person more than the person loves you. The only way I know how to cope with it is to write random letters that will never get to you. Because deep down, I feel like these feelings of mine are unreasonable and unfair to you.
Roughly 10 years ago, I met a guy who I thought was my soulmate. It was definitely the right person wrong time kind of situation. I’ve been in other relationships after him. He, I felt, was the one that got away. We’ve reconnected and decided it was finally time to close that chapter. I know now that I don’t love him the same way I used to. My memories of our time together was really the only thing I was holding onto before. I’m not in love with the man he is today. That love we had is now a mere memory. I thought I’d never find a love as powerful as his.
But Bryan, then I met you. What I feel for you is like no other.
When we first met, you were in one of your favorite anime outfits at my sister’s Halloween party. Immediately I was captivated toward you, but steered away because I wasn’t ready for a relationship. The age gap was also something I was cautious about. I couldn’t stop having you on the back of my mind since then. It was love at first sight for me. I was drawn to your smile, your kindness…your overall demeanor.
In January I actually got to know you better and fell for you even more. We got along so well. I felt so comfortable and uncomfortable with you. I have all these different emotions happening simultaneously when I’m with you. I’ve fallen madly in love with you more than I have ever before. I never felt this way before. This scares me so much…
I know deep down that you don’t feel the same way. I know you like me and are attracted to me etc. etc. However, the rip your heart out kind of love is not what you feel for me. It breaks my heart everyday. I just wish you felt the same way I do for you. All I can do is cherish every single second of time I have with you. I’ll enjoy what we have for as long as I can.
There will be a day where I will challenge this, because I know I deserve a love that is mutual. I just don’t think I could ever let you go.
I will be so patient, loyal, honest, kind, respectful, and affectionate with you. This will never change. I can’t be mad at you for not feeling the same way. All I can do is just be myself and hope that’s enough. I love you so much Bryan. I really would anything for you. Even if it meant letting you go. One day, you’ll decide if you want to stay with me or not. Even if you decide not to be with me anymore, I will only wish you happiness. I just don’t think I could love another. I will always love you and never leave your side. I miss you so much baby.