I’ve been here before

I used to come here to write you years ago.

But you didn’t read me. You didn’t know. You never will. I was in love with you.

I think this time I have come back to simply say goodbye.

My eyes no longer linger for yours. My heart no longer flutters when our eyes secretly meet. My stomach no longer does flip flops when you say something just a touch out of line to me. My heart is not that cheap. No.

I let go of that dream a long time ago. I let go of that dream when you lied to me, to my face and attempted to gaslight me.

I wish we could have talked it out, but we couldn’t have. Not us. Not you. So glad I never fully gave into you.


Dear Bryan

I know we are together, and that I am almost your first everything. I can’t help but feel you are not as interested in me as I am in you. We did talk about this, and you did agree that I was way more into you than you were of me. It’s hard loving the person more than the person loves you. The only way I know how to cope with it is to write random letters that will never get to you. Because deep down, I feel like these feelings of mine are unreasonable and unfair to you.

Roughly 10 years ago, I met a guy who I thought was my soulmate. It was definitely the right person wrong time kind of situation. I’ve been in other relationships after him. He, I felt, was the one that got away. We’ve reconnected and decided it was finally time to close that chapter. I know now that I don’t love him the same way I used to. My memories of our time together was really the only thing I was holding onto before. I’m not in love with the man he is today. That love we had is now a mere memory. I thought I’d never find a love as powerful as his.

But Bryan, then I met you. What I feel for you is like no other.

When we first met, you were in one of your favorite anime outfits at my sister’s Halloween party. Immediately I was captivated toward you, but steered away because I wasn’t ready for a relationship. The age gap was also something I was cautious about. I couldn’t stop having you on the back of my mind since then. It was love at first sight for me. I was drawn to your smile, your kindness…your overall demeanor.

In January I actually got to know you better and fell for you even more. We got along so well. I felt so comfortable and uncomfortable with you. I have all these different emotions happening simultaneously when I’m with you. I’ve fallen madly in love with you more than I have ever before. I never felt this way before. This scares me so much…

I know deep down that you don’t feel the same way. I know you like me and are attracted to me etc. etc. However, the rip your heart out kind of love is not what you feel for me. It breaks my heart everyday. I just wish you felt the same way I do for you. All I can do is cherish every single second of time I have with you. I’ll enjoy what we have for as long as I can.

There will be a day where I will challenge this, because I know I deserve a love that is mutual. I just don’t think I could ever let you go.

I will be so patient, loyal, honest, kind, respectful, and affectionate with you. This will never change. I can’t be mad at you for not feeling the same way. All I can do is just be myself and hope that’s enough. I love you so much Bryan. I really would anything for you. Even if it meant letting you go. One day, you’ll decide if you want to stay with me or not. Even if you decide not to be with me anymore, I will only wish you happiness. I just don’t think I could love another. I will always love you and never leave your side. I miss you so much baby.

-Your Darling

Frustrating CoWorker Vent

I fucking hate you. Your introversion is so extreme that I wonder if you have a personality disorder. You are the most aloof, snotty, immature bitch that I’ve ever worked with. The way you blow people off and ignore them makes me wonder why they even hired you. Your “professional” dress is so disgusting. Hooker heels, Vans and skin-tight leggings are NOT considered professional dress. You are the most disgusting cunt that I’ve ever worked with. You are white trash and I’m glad your cancer is back. Bitch!