Dear W. Adonis
If you ever still come on here, just know that I still miss you and will Always Love You no matter how much our lives has changed and gone our separate ways. You are someone I will never forget about. I dreamt about you the other night, I got so happy when I woke up because I got to see a glimpse of your beautiful face in my dream. I know it’s been years but you will always have a piece of my heart.. You were one of the best things that has happened to me in my life..
I have no way of contacting you anymore,but I know that you are happily married now. You deserve all the best life has to offer!!! Maybe some day in some other life time we will get to be together again..
I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER.
Foolish games are tearing me apart.
You ghosted me. I don’t blame you. Without meaning to I bring you pain every time I reach out to you.
But her?? The woman you told me you were over, indifferent to? Why? Why not just tell me you couldn’t stand to be without her? Why did you have to just disappear on me, make me afraid that you were dead, then break my heart?
I know I can’t compete with her. She gave you a daughter. I can’t give you anything that even compares. But all the love we shared over the years, and even after I went long distance, all for nothing.
I’m kicking myself too. I was going to leave this shit place and get an apartment and say “Surprise, I’m here, I’ve got a place for us.” But I waited too long, and now someone else has you thinking “What if we never broke up?”
I fell in love with you all over again as you sobered up, got your shit together. I just wish I could hold you and make you love me the same way. Fuck’s sake, I love you so fucking much.
God dammit Jim.
Why did you take yourself away from us? Why did you have to end your life? Why didn’t you reach out when I was leaving our apartment and say “No, I need your help.”? Did you see your mom breaking apart as she was carrying a little pine box with her youngest son’s ashes in? Did you see her last goodbye to you? Did you see my pain, my shattering the half empty wine bottle against the unfeeling asphalt because it hurt so bad and I still couldn’t scream and cry out for you? Did you see Nick when he texted me the news? Your brother when he confirmed to me that it was suicide? Your dad unable to work?
Please. I miss you. If you are out there somewhere, let me know you’re doing better.