LATE: Love According To Expectations

I may be prone to exaggeration. Like if I said you have never given me a chance. It’d be completely different if I said you’ve never listened to me, really listened, because that is 100% irrefutably true. You think you need more than just attraction to want to have a relationship? Maybe I’d like to like you for more than just being pretty? How about that I wanted you to like me for who I am end stop before I would ever want to change anything about myself for you? Here’s a good one: Sorry I don’t fit the bill of the dream guy you’ve been looking for from every Disney movie and Cosmo magazine you’ve studied, or the hundreds of guys that hit on you every single day, but hey, for the handful of girls I’ve talked to beyond ‘Sure I’d love to write your term paper for you’, I think I’ve tried pretty hard. Did I ever try to make you fit into some mold you weren’t comfortable in or reject you entirely for failing to comply with my expectations? Like “hey babe, Men’s Fitness and my last 100 girlfriends agree that gargantuan breasts are essential to any healthy relationship; therefore, I can only answer 15% percent of your communications or less until you adjust accordingly.” You know what, I could go on forever, but until you’ve agreed to go on even one date with me, ESPN and International Bro Code dictate that my letters cannot exceed 250

You’re Often on My Mind

Dear TJS,
I miss you and wish I could talk to you often. I always appreciated how hard you were willing to work to have a better life. I valued your ambition.

I know 6 years ago wasn’t the right time because you were getting married and hoping to have a family. However, your life has changed and I wonder if you still think of me. I hope you’re doing well.

Until next time.

Forever your baby.


I want you to know that I’m happy and that moving on can bring you good things. I miss you sometimes in ways that haunt me, but love is love. I hope you feel that one day. I hope you give yourself in ways you haven’t before to someone else. I hope you challenge yourself and grow. I hope we can look at each other one day and realize why it’s worked out the way it has and feel happiness for ourselves and for each other. I’m always rooting for you.


Damn it you compared it to a goddamn sprinkle in the spring

When it was a tsunami during hurricane season

It took houses down

It tore down the strongest cities


I drove into fire, I collapsed into pieces inside myself, my DNA merging into yours, wrapping itself around the concept of death, I understood what it meant

You’ll die here, that was the promise, and I was okay with that

I let you have me like that

See me like that

Control me with a goddamn remote and I fell, fell flat on my fucking face, on ice, in skates that betrayed me

My writer’s mind, my poet’s eyes, buckled underneath me, underneath you, like I had never learned to walk

Mom always said it took me awhile to get on my feet

Guess it’ll take me a minute to get back on them

Been at sea

Been on the aftershock of lightning

I’m glad to have lived through it, but it may have killed me

(Could still kill me)

You made me forget I ever wanted to die, where I was

I took the wheel on acid

You made me fall in love with LSD, with you, all over again, and you can’t say we didn’t

Outside that super 8 motel
You gave me permission to end everything for myself

But no, it was when you stepped into home with me

You stole everything from me

Thief of days

It’s not like I can entirely blame you

But what?

What is it about me that scares you so much

I just don’t believe you or it hurts me too much to believe that you didn’t feel like that

But what else was that?


I’m having a very strange day today, maybe I forgot to take my medication last night…

I had a dream about you and it made me think very deeply about you. I hear you had a child :), my daughter fills my heart with so much happiness, I hope your kid does the same. Did you get married? My wife is more than I deserve… Thats basically all I can say about that ha. Either way, I had a moment where you knew he was the one, its a nice feeling to be so sure about someone you love.

Sometimes I feel like I want to reach out to you… I don’t know what I would say and I don’t because I’m sure your response isn’t something I want to hear… I am curious if you think about me… like, positively ha. I hope you understand that I was unhappy with my life and although I did and said things I didn’t mean I loved you very much.


I was 13 and as a recent Rangely Colorado transplant was nudged into a club by my guiding adults. Destination Imagination, formerly Odyssey of the Mind was a creative problem solving think outside the box kind of club that was global.

My team , after much conflict and members threatening to drop out, long nights blasting rammstein in my friends garage while we hacked away at our respective projects and 3 successful competitions , we achieved an invitation to the global competition in Knoxville Tennessee.

We raised the money to get there to perform our skit. In the Alice in Wonderland based show we put together a few of my peers engineered a machine guide for our Alice as she travelled to the Berlin Wall, Neuschwanstein Castle, Big Ben Clocktower, and the Golden Gate bridge to conquer the challenge presented by myself the mad scientist. I was also in charge set design and had to conquer my anxiety to sing Pink Floyd’s Another Brick in the Wall pt 3 a few times.
While in Knoxville we were all given a series of custom pins to go forth and trade with our various peers from different states and countries. Unfortunately China was under quarantine with its Sars outbreak so they were not present for the exchange or ceremonies parade, but the Thai , Japanese , and Korean teams I met were so sweet and eager to exchange pins, I also got a few from new york and various other states. Some of which I gave as favors to friends back home who helped us.

What a trip. We were set up in college dorms and given free range to explore. Our team ranked 24th or so out of 50. I might be wrong on that I just was proud we were somewhere in the middle, if felt like proof of effort.