What a nightmare you’ve become!!!

Dear S,

I suppose IN TIME you might hopefully realize why you have no friends. Apart from me, but only because I’m stupid enough to put up with you. Yet even I, myself am wanting to walk away from you. Your behaviour has put me off you. I know that I was a good friend to you in hospital where we first met, and we have a history of living in quite a few institutions together, but that said, there’s only so much that I’m willing to put up with. Do you honestly expect me to just put up with more of your diva crap? It affects my mental wellbeing. I always feel deflated every time I come back home from visiting your flat all day. I think you really don’t get the hint. If I stop answering your calls, it probably more than likely means that I’m more than done with you. Also, it’s very publicly humiliating when you act like such a spoilt princess. With me being quite a submissive person, I suppose you think you can dictate everything when I go anywhere with you, but I would love to know why you’re like this. You tell me how you have a neighbour who constantly harrases you, yet are you seriously not aware of how much YOU’RE harassing ME? Sorry but I can see what probably caused your late husbands heart attack while you were outside with him. Now I know why I’m your only friend. Yet why should I play the fool? It’s your own fault that people stop wanting to be around you. I see that you’re now getting one of the local taxi drivers involved to “Check that I’m alright!”. As you’re “worried” about me. No dear. You’re just worried that you’ve got no-one to be friends with now. By the way, woe is you.

Coffee

My body doesn’t understand the way you love me. You call me delicate and gentle as a complement but really you take it as a challenge to see what it takes to finally break me. Your love is scorching; burning and blistering my skin. Your love is the chest pounds of an alpha gorilla; beating against my body with so much pride. And as fragile dandelions grow through concrete cracks, I look past the cracks in your soul; ignoring the darkest parts of you. My body doesn’t love you anymore; I know from the way I flinch at your touch and bile rises in my throat when you kiss my forehead. I don’t love you anymore and I wanted to tell you this morning. “Want some coffee?”, you asked as I made my way to the kitchen. “Yes, two sugars please”, my hoarse voice answered back.

How can you be okay with how things are?

I really miss you …I mean REALLY miss you.

I even dreamt about you last night and I was so annoyed when my alarm woke me..

So don’t say you miss me and don’t say it’s been too long… because for me it’s been much more than those words that you tell me that I don’t believe.

Because if they were true I wouldn’t be sitting here missing you.