to me

I know you love me,
There is always a way to receive love like we have never received before no matter circumstances.
Are you willing to ride the wave or you are keeping self sabotaging yourself hiding in a cave
not speaking your truth?
Will you ever be ready to receive ? When?
When do you start seeing you are perfect and you are worthy of love
Worthy of receiving love first but foremost from yourself.
When will you see how beautiful you are
When will you love yourself
When will you respect yourself
When will you get obsessed with healing yourself
you are the only one who can Pick up your broken pieces and glue them together
paint them with colours of art, music, hope, joy, bliss, peace, respect,
then dance sing listen music run jump swimm, splash your wings and fly
There is never a better time than now.
Your heart will sabotage you until you speak your truth
until you express your truth
until you create it and share it ,
until you serve it on a silver plate
and Spread it with love.
Once you know how to love yourself unconditionally
Once you will accept yourself unconditionally
You will vibrate with Love and unconditional love will find you.

Ice Queen

Fell into my well of tears,
Bubbling to the top was an
Assortment of fears.
Tangled up in my bluish stare
You opened up wounds
That inflicted pain everywhere.

Thoughts drool down my cheeks
Memories clash the cymbals
You can’t hear me speak.
Anger amounts in a rubbish pile
As I wince from it all,
you give off a devilish smile.

Your heart might me bright
and three times
The size to those you love
But it coils as a viper to strangers,
ready to strike from above.

You are pathetic
when you are so blatantly mean
Nothing is beautiful
about your face
when you are an evil Ice Queen.

Fell into my well of tears had you
And mocked pity with a false care,
Nothing lovely grows
from you indifferent glare.

Stop pretending,
its a farce just as cruel
As your throne,
The only reason you’re in office
Is because of your sly tone.

I’ll never vote you in to the kingdom
Of the kind,
never understand your banter
And its tomfoolery design.
You might think I am being harsh
But I am tired of your blows
There’s no place for you here,
so off you go.

This is different

When it comes to you, everything I have done so far has been the exact opposite of what I want to do. Every signal I have thrown, every time I have turned my head or passed you by, every word I have said to you, none of it was ever what I truly wanted. And if given another chance, I would blow that, too. I have tried many times to write how I feel. I wrote one lengthy letter to you years ago and even that ended in obscurity to where the letter, true and nice as it was, didn’t really express how I felt about you. Every time I try to write about it, I can’t think straight. I can’t get it out. I clam up even when I am all alone with just my thoughts. Even the thought of you makes me nervous but not in the sense that I am intimidated by you. I can’t explain it so I don’t even try. But nothing I have done has matched up with how I feel and I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. This is the most I have allowed myself to ever even get into it and even this is vague af. I can’t help it.

Outdoor daydreams

I see my own eyes in the reflection in the pond and my first thought is that I wish I could see yours again. I feel the light breeze on my skin and wish it were you touching me, lifting my skirt just enough and gently moving my hair out of my face. I think of how hearing your voice would be a perfect complement to the peaceful sounds of nature. I am jealous of the birds working together to make a nest and prepare their little ones for life – how many times have I wished to do that with you?

I have always found peace and belonging in nature; now I think I find that in you.

Good Morning, Captain

Let me in, the voice cried softly
From outside the wooden door
Scattered remnants of the ship could be seen in the distance
Blood stained the icy wall of the shore

“I’m the only one left, the storm, took them all”
He managed as he tried to stand
The tears ran down his face
“Please, it’s cold”

When he woke, there was no trace of the ship
Only the dawn was left behind by the storm
He felt the creaking of the stairs beneath him
That rose from the sea, to the door

There was a sound at the window then
The captain started, his breath was still
Slowly, he turned

From behind the edge of the windowsill
There appeared the delicate hand of a child
His face was flushed and timid
He stared at the captain through frightened eyes
The captain reached for something to hold on to
“Help me, ” he whispered, as he rose slowly to his feet
The boy’s face went pale
He recognized the sound
Silently, he pulled down the shade against the shadow
Lost in the doorstep of the empty house

I’m trying to find my way home
I’m sorry
Yeah, I miss you
I miss you
I’ve grown taller now
I want the police to be notified
I swear, I’ll make it up to you, promise I’ll
I’ll make it up to you, I’ll make it up to you
I’ll make it up to you
Let me go!
Let me go!
I miss you
I miss you

Lighting

You still lighten up the rooms
Of my heart when you come near.
Even if yours are dark,
I wish you’d come inside mine
Because my church is filled
With your effervescent glow.

Everyone keeps asking the priest
To somehow stop the beaming
Sun from shining through.
But you are a cathedral’s glass panels,
You always burn bright and
With illuminating colors.

You always lighten up the hallway
Of my mind
Whenever you are near.
You are not my gospel
You are my prayer thanking
The universe for the
mystery of you and the warmth in
Your presence.

You help me believe in my
Own internal flame
And the raging wildfire
I can be
Deep inside the hidden passage
Ways of my heart.

Megaphone

I’m not important in your life.

It is time I am important in mine.

Here are the days I won’t take back,

Where my molecules become love notes

My tries becomes my vice and

Days of the inconsolable become days of gain.

Here come the hymns out of a new

Prayer book and the skipping stone hurled

Towards unprecedented dreams.

I do not matter to you but

I will become important in my world

Or there will be nothing left of me

To sing about.

i wish we could talk about it

dear g
I never really knew why we suddenly became so distant, it was probably to do with j. It really pains me that you let a boy get between us so suddenly, especially when you didn’t even talk to me about it. It was even worse when he was the one to message me about you two going out.
But I understand that it takes two people to make a friendship and two people to break one apart so I am sorry for not trying enough with you. I know I said I was fine with you two and I was at first. I don’t know whether it was because I though you guys wouldn’t last or because I didn’t realise my own feelings but now I keep on seeing you two, happy together so many months on so and I can’t help but feel sad. Don’t get me wrong I am happy for you two, it’s hard not to be, but I can’t help but feel a little jealous.
What’s more is that I have lost two friends. Before the possiblity of anything happening between me and j we were friends. I miss talking to him.
And there’s you, once I would have called you my best friend but now I feel almost kicked out of your life. Almost as if we didn’t belong in the same category as you anymore, you were too ‘cool’ for me.
I’m sorry that I can’t talk to you about this but I can’t help but feel so different from you. I really do wish you all the best in your future and whatever is to come, I know you will impact people in a brillant way.
love, z

You Just Felt Sorry

You came over yesterday. Saying you really wanted to see me because you missed me. I can’t help but think you’re doing it just because you left me hanging for 2 hrs the night before. You knew it bothered me. You were being extra attentive…I appreciate your efforts, really… But I cannot force you to really put me first.

I still love you… and will always put you first. I will also wait, hoping one day, I can be your number one.