A month of sickness

Only easing up enough between each intermission to make me think maybe we could avoid the hospital.

First we tested positive for covid, which didn’t change much for our usual reclusiveness besides general comfort.

We finally thought we were in the clear last night for Thanksgiving after no incidents for three days and accepted my neighbors invitation to share a meal since I had to miss out on hometown travels for all the sick.
My neighbors had recently had covid too but were also in that returning to the world phase.

I don’t think we were at the neighbors for more than 30 minutes before my kid stared getting a sad look and complaining of tummy trouble, I almost have her out the door to return her to the house when she starts vomiting, all over the entry and walkway. The husband and I tag team clean up. If that would have been it , it would have been more than enough, but after putting the husband and kid today I’m hit. I spend a very painful night in the bathroom. My throat feeling like it’s expelling acid. The next morning I remember I had been trying to cook an orange chicken in the oven when the feel bads hit. It’s at a loss now. It didn’t burn but did sit way too long.

I had just caught up laundry on the kids exorcism reenactment, looks like another catch up day is needed.

A Bucket Full Really

To the despicable Mr. Blue,

I dont hate you. I don’t have anything I need you to hear really, but I have lots to say. Maybe just a string of thoughts.

I realize now, that standing in your kitchen saying I’d had enough was the most powerful thing I could have done.

You are diagnosably a narcissist, praying on others, uncaring of the pain you cause to anyone. Your mom. Your children. Partners. All the people you belittle and shit talk, the people whose jobs and livelihoods you actively ruin for your own games. You’re actually a bad person. I tend to think most people are either good or just trying to survive the moment but you….you’re a calculated type of evil. It was something I couldnt wrap my head around because I’d never seen someone quite like you before, someone that disgusting and abusive in so many ways.

No means no, you sorry piece of shit. I DO get to choose what happens to my body. Sadly, those moments against my will were not the worst things you have done.

The truth is, you’ll never change and you’ll never be happy. The unfortunate part is that you’ll continue hurting others, and scaring your children in very lasting ways as you spew control and rage and utter abuse at them.

I’ve nothing left for you to know. You already knew those things before they were ever a thought in my head.

I don’t hate you, and I certainly don’t wish you well. But I hope one day, you get a heaping spoonful of your own hell.


A bad night

As my husband is fixing to shower I catch sight of one of his bosses posting on fb about their co worker and friend Josh having gone missing the past few days.
I alert him of this and he initiates contact with the group chat for a chain of information.

Later on , after he has me rework his knuckle wrench tattoo Bill contacts him and tells him that Josh’s body had been found that but doesn’t indicate if the death was natural or self induced.
My husband talks about his last encounter with Josh on Thursday and how Josh had bought them lunch and made the comment ” See don’t I take care of you.”

Variables that bring into question whether the death was natural, a recent divorce. I also know my own cousin Tracy’s death hit him hard having known her on friendly terms. He was open about struggling with depression but made no indication of being ready to walk out.

Little do I know that’s only the tip of the iceberg for our rough night as my kid begins the first of many projectile vomits all over her room.

We were supposed to depart for my hometown in the morning for a week with family but given the situation we will plan the trip when everyone is healthier. My mom it turns out was also in the early stages of sick.
Being that my neighbors were positive on the covid 19 last week, it’s reasonable that I should go ahead and get a round of tests going.
I’ve been up all night, but on a productive note my grape painting is starting to pull together.