Rage

After my partner returns from talking ti his mom on the phone he relays that it’s tough but we can work through it, and goes on to iterate how his aunt recently went through something similar when her husband gained weight in his grief over the Russian War and she kicks him out of the house. He goes on to say he’s been at fault but I let myself go. Let myself go? I’m not obese or sedentary by any means. I shatter the coffee pot I had just been preparing for a night cap.
He wants to work on it after that? It feels like having your heart pissed on. I say a lot of angry things, I call him vain and tell him I hope he goes bald, he says he’s going to shave tomorrow anyway.
I wasn’t ignorant of the signs, even at the rammstein show as he pushes me behind him and runs down other women collected at the front of the stage in his annoying.
He wants to work on it but he’s not attracted to me. What admirable honesty, I tell him if he doesn’t like me like this his feelings likely wouldn’t even return if I lost the weight.

He’s been itching for travel since he got his passport, a vacation to Mexico would not be enough but if he drives me off now maybe he can get to it a bit sooner. Go to finland like he’s been pining for. He has this dream of rescuing a guy friend of his over in Russia at the Finish boarder. Maybe he’s just trying to manifest thar.
I never meant to hurt you this way he says. I scream .
How disappointing, butnot entirely unexpected. If we sell the townhouse. I could still give my kid and the kitties a very comfortable life in my hometown. I would have no issue finding work, I wouldn’t be trapped at home without a car, or in a relationship where if can’t meet a certain aesthetician standard I’m considered unattractive. By the way even in the skin that I’m in now, I still get complimented often by others who enjoy how I look.

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