If someone doesn’t know, that’s all you need to know.
If they send mixed messages, take it as a “no” and get away asap.
Stop disrespecting yourselves! Stop letting other people do these things, and start let them live with the consequences.
You’re so much more than THAT.
Stop feeding fantasies and believing in lies.
You know deep down what’s going on the second you start to doubt it.
If the way this person treats you needs to change for you to feel at peace, that’s a sign for you to peace out.

My Breakup Letter

Dear M,
I wish I could tell you how I really feel. I would tell you that I wish we could end things after 11.5 years. I wish I could tell you that I don’t really miss you right now. I wish I could tell you about being in love with someone else but that person has a whole other life. You don’t even know that I reconnected with that person in 2014 and I have been hooked ever since. Had he not chosen the life he has now and had asked me to pick him. I would have honestly.

I want to have children and I really want to get married. I feel it in my spirit and I know that it’s for me. I can feel it heavily.

I stopped being in love with you since February 2014, after you made no effort in planning Valentine’s Day. You had the money to do something but you refused. A few months had passed and there was a total disconnect. You cheated on my in the past but I think you cheated on me again in 2014, with the girl who’s picture I found saved in your email. You swore up and down that you didn’t know her. So why would you have her photos sync to your email? Dummy. Then you would always put me down. I wore a dress one day and you said something horrific. You made me feel so ugly. The next time, we went away for the weekend of July 4th that year and I wore what I thought was a sexy lingerie. You said you didn’t like it and that I was fat. I even caught you staring at some women that day I had to purchase a TV.

That summer I disconnected. Hung out with my friends and reconnected with him. That lasted 6 months bc he chose to be with someone who is now his wife. For the next 6 years, I have tried to make things work bc I felt our relationship could’ve benefited from the time focused on us. Unfortunately, nothing has changed and things are still the same.

I can’t believe I’ve managed to deal with this. I only have myself to blame for the toxicity in this relationship. Why you ask? Let’s run down the list:

-when we first started dating, you accused me of looking at guys. I never did
-you cheated on me early on in our relationship
-you lost all respect for me and continue to talk to me the way you want
-you don’t know how to treat me
-you don’t take me out
-you always complain about finances
-you’re always broke
-you don’t try to level up or make the necessary changes
-I take on the financial stability, I’m tired – you noticed we haven’t done anything, bc I’m tired motherfucker

I could say more but I know all is this and stayed. Why? Bc a part of me thought this was better than being alone. I always wonder what life would have been like had we broke up after you cheated on me.

After this pandemic is over. I hope we can have an honest face to face and call it quits. My stupid ass enabled all the bullshit and no more.

My Thoughts/Sometimes/I’d love to hear from you

Dear you,
On days like this, I wish I could talk to you. I want to escape my current life and totally be wrapped up in great conversations; full of life, perspective, goals, future endeavors, love, etc.

You use to be someone that would pop in when I needed you too. Now that I need you more than ever. You’re nowhere to be found. I know your current life doesn’t allow you to be the person you use to be; but I miss you dearly. I always wonder how you’re doing. I hope you are happy, safe, and well. This pandemic has caused chaos and I am over it.

I hope if you ever see this that you’ll think it’s for you and send me an email. I’d love to chop it up and hear your thoughts.


Isn’t it time

I wonder. They say that when two souls love each other who have a spiritual connection together can communicate telepathically with their dreams. I dreamt of you. All the dreams I have of you are so vivid, so real. As if they are vision beckoning me to my future, our future. You were and are a beautiful dream but sometimes I wonder, if I go through this, do you also go through it too. Do you dream of me too? If you do, isn’t that enough of a confirmation to give this a try? Isn’t it enough confirmation that when we look at each other we remember each other? From a time long past as if we have lived past lives together. Isn’t this justice?, a much needed justice to having been so apart for so long. Will you ever reach out to and for me? Am I the only always to fight for this connection wheb you feel, see ans know it too? Isn’t it time? To give love a chance. Our love a chance.

RIP Dreams

I still remember when my friends keep saying that men cheat all the time
How I used to smile like a fool between me and myself
saying to myself that this could never happen to me
that I got me a faithful man, a man that I thought would be honest, loyal, and faithful
I still remember that day when I discovered your infidelity with other women (yes wasn’t one only!)
I still remember how everything seemed to shatter with a blink of an eye
how could a person pretends to love another and promises a lifetime of happiness, yet deceive them every single day!
I still can’t comprehend how can any human being sleeps next to their lovers so peacefully without any guilt!
how could a person say I love you and I want to make you happy when they were heading towards breaking their heart!
Was I your comfort zone? did you get used to my love to a point you needed to seek others?
I still don’t know what was going in your mind every time you went on with your cheating!
How were you able to smile to my face! To hug me! to kiss me! to say you want to keep me happy!
It breaks my heart that I could’ve left you earlier when I started to feel lonely around you
When I felt you’re not giving me the same attention you used to, but I said to myself, it’s okay, this is just a rough patch that we can get over!
I hope our paths never cross again! For I don’t want to see you ever again
and the most painful of all the things I’m going through right now, is that I find myself weak at times, wanting to call you, to see you, to touch you
but I know, soon I will be able to let go of you completely for it’s been only 3 weeks now

Wherever you are, I hope you find what you’re looking for (even though you kept insisting it was me)