Hey sweetheart…Long time, No talk.
You have no idea how much I love you…
My heart has been aching more than usual lately…
I shed a few tears today while thinking about you.. not sure why. I hope you’re doing well and I want the best for you, even if we don’t end up together.
Words can’t describe how much I love you, M.T. I wish you knew…
Sincerely yours,
Sweetness
I remember him
I remember him from my dreams
Always standing far from me
But with me
A presence so quiet and yet so constant
Always wearing a white shirt
Never saying anything
And I rememberhim abandoning me
Angry at me because I chose a certain path
A year later he came back again
This time he was closer to me
Talked to me
Asked me if he could buy something for me
We sat
We sat together by the pier
I remember not where it was
But I remember him from my dreams
His presence sometimes haunts me in real life
I see glimpses of him sometimes
Always at the back of my mind
Always in my subconscious
And I ask myself if I am going insane
Or is it just wishful thinking on my part
Wishful because I long for him
Wishful because I long for love
Are you my guardian angel?
Are you my spirit guide?
Are you my divine right life partner?
Who are you the man in my dreams?
My dear Jacob,
I’ve reached a point where I realize that I probably will never have you. No matter how much I want you and how much my heart tells me that we are meant to spend our lives together.
But I can’t ignore the fact that you could have me at any given moment and you have chosen otherwise. I realize your mental health needs to come first and I agree. You need time. But that’s just it, you always need time and there’s never room for me.
Even just having you in my life as a casual thing I can’t do. I wish that I could but I need to know you’re all in before I can commit to anything even just casual. I need “us” back. I have decided that my own respect and my mental health are important too.
My hope is that soon one day you’ll be ready to be with me and we can just have a blast being a cute biker couple. But I am slowly realizing that I can’t rely on that anymore and I need to focus on myself and what I need. I’ve prayed every day that you’ll come back but I just don’t know if it’ll ever happen. I hate knowing that I’m losing so much time with you. I want to be with you and be spending this summer with YOU. It sucks but it is what it is.
I hope that you find yourself and you find happiness. I hope that you never forget me and that you’ll always love me like I do you.
You are the most amazing, interesting, fun, loving person I have ever met. To this day I have never met anyone as exhilarating and amazing as you. I really haven’t. You blow me away. I love you. Every part of you. Even the parts that I like least because somehow I grow to love them.
Why am I so obsessed with you? I wish I could stop. Haha.
I hope we meet again one day.
With my love always,
Jos.
I hurt
Hurt like a motherfucker
Emotions torn threatening to tear my chest apart
Hurt
Hurt to the ends of despair
To the ends of no repair
I forgive
Why can’t I be forgiven
I don’t judge
Why am I judged
I love
Why am I not loved
I accommodate
Why am I not accommodated
I accept
Why am I not accepted
I hurt
Hurt like a motherfucker
And I don’t know what to do about it
I want to scream and curse
I want to pull out the heaviness from my chest
And throw it out to the dogs to devour
I hurt
I fucking hurt
I’m not a man of many words. There’s so much I wish I could say but never can. If you ever want to know how I feel, look into my eyes then you’ll see.
The ocean is vast and spacious
As my emotions become turbulent
With the tide.
My tears flood the space where ships have
Sank and buried treasure and sharks
Both dampen and excite the room.
A jewel encrusted crown weighs heavy on my
Head.
I know its radiant but it feels poisonous.
My whole body wants to shed its skin.
Staring above the dipping waves
I fear I cannot swim and then
I fear I cannot swim towards…
The whole scene is a vast and spacious ocean.
My tears are what is flooding the chairs
And producing the dolphins and the
Wishful thinker from eradicting
Itself from heavy seas and pirate ships.
All in that moment I see daring eyes
Looking back at me.
Oh to be a desert if only for a day!
What wasn’t there in the first place
It was no race
Thank you for the ride
It was beautiful till your next tide
I hate to admit it but tonight I miss you.
Even though it doesn’t matter,
Even those these feelings are wrong.
I miss otherworlds where we were even a sliver
Of a possibility.
I have gotten so use to this void
To the emptiness in your absence except
Like tonight when I miss you
And I always miss you.
Hi. I have so many mixed emotions, I don’t even know what to say. I can’t say that I hate you, I can’t and I never will. I remember a simpler time when I could love you and you could love me and everything seemed perfect. When it all came crashing down I almost killed myself. It was never your fault, but I was fragile, and your love was the only thing keeping me afloat. That was stupid of me, I see that now.
But I don’t think that I ever got a chance to thank you. Because at the time it sucked to even think about, but you leaving my life in that way made way for something new. It was scary, and I’m still trying to navigate it. I have made a lot of mistakes and I am definitely not the best at it, but I think I found someone, and they found me. And I doubt myself all the time, and I never know what I’m doing, and you probably don’t care about all of that, but I think that if you saw how much progress I’m making you would be proud of me. I’m trying to love, and I’m trying to be the person that they deserve. I’m learning past what you and others did to me and I am trying, and I think that you would be damn proud.
So thanks. Because you taught me what love shouldn’t feel like, and now I know. And I am through with doubting myself. I will follow my dreams one day and I will rise to the top, and when I do, I will be thinking of you. I am so much more capable than I ever thought that I was with you and I have so much more strength now then when you left. I will make you proud, and I am really happy that I can still consider you a friend.
Hey there,
I’ve decided that it finally was the time for me to talk about myself and my feelings. As you know I’m a really closed person and I don’t like to share my emotions, but I think I really need to exteriorize everything. I’m tired of always feeling lonely, even if i’m surrounded by people, like my family or my friends but I feel like no one really understands me. I’ve started to kinda isolate myself, always locked in my bedroom with my music. This is how I like it, calm and peaceful, no one there to disturb me. Why have I started to be like that ? Well because I can’t stand my family’s problems anymore. There’s always something wrong, I don’t have a good relation with my father, he’s never told me “I love you” and neither do I. I’ve always had a good relation with my mom, but since a few months it’s not the same anymore, I don’t know why. And my brothers, always there to talk behind my back with my mom when i”m not around. They don’t even know that I always hear their conversations. Anyways, I’m just tired of all of that, I want to leave the house, be independent and maybe have a new start. I’m tired of not being understood, and I don’t even know who I could share my feelings with, I don’t really trust a lot of people and I’m always afraid of being judged about that. I didn’t even talk about a third of what I feel, and why in this letter but I guess it’s just a start. I’m sorry if i’m just complaining here, but as I said it before, no one knows about how i am, no one really asks and even when they do I lie. It’s the first website i’ve found to write something anonymously, so there I am. Oh and by the way sorry if my english isn’t really perfect, I’m French.
Thank you for reading everything if you did, and have a great and happy life, I hope 🙂
