Day: June 9, 2020

An Ocean Wishing to be a Desert

The ocean is vast and spacious

As my emotions become turbulent

With the tide.

My tears flood the space where ships have

Sank and buried treasure and sharks

Both dampen and excite the room.

A jewel encrusted crown weighs heavy on my

Head.

I know its radiant but it feels poisonous.

My whole body wants to shed its skin.

Staring above the dipping waves

I fear I cannot swim and then

I fear I cannot swim towards…

The whole scene is a vast and spacious ocean.

My tears are what is flooding the chairs

And producing the dolphins and the

Wishful thinker from eradicting

Itself from heavy seas and pirate ships.

All in that moment I see daring eyes

Looking back at me.

Oh to be a desert if only for a day!

Thanks.

Hi. I have so many mixed emotions, I don’t even know what to say. I can’t say that I hate you, I can’t and I never will. I remember a simpler time when I could love you and you could love me and everything seemed perfect. When it all came crashing down I almost killed myself. It was never your fault, but I was fragile, and your love was the only thing keeping me afloat. That was stupid of me, I see that now.

But I don’t think that I ever got a chance to thank you. Because at the time it sucked to even think about, but you leaving my life in that way made way for something new. It was scary, and I’m still trying to navigate it. I have made a lot of mistakes and I am definitely not the best at it, but I think I found someone, and they found me. And I doubt myself all the time, and I never know what I’m doing, and you probably don’t care about all of that, but I think that if you saw how much progress I’m making you would be proud of me. I’m trying to love, and I’m trying to be the person that they deserve. I’m learning past what you and others did to me and I am trying, and I think that you would be damn proud.

So thanks. Because you taught me what love shouldn’t feel like, and now I know. And I am through with doubting myself. I will follow my dreams one day and I will rise to the top, and when I do, I will be thinking of you. I am so much more capable than I ever thought that I was with you and I have so much more strength now then when you left. I will make you proud, and I am really happy that I can still consider you a friend.

something i’ve always kept

Hey there,
I’ve decided that it finally was the time for me to talk about myself and my feelings. As you know I’m a really closed person and I don’t like to share my emotions, but I think I really need to exteriorize everything. I’m tired of always feeling lonely, even if i’m surrounded by people, like my family or my friends but I feel like no one really understands me. I’ve started to kinda isolate myself, always locked in my bedroom with my music. This is how I like it, calm and peaceful, no one there to disturb me. Why have I started to be like that ? Well because I can’t stand my family’s problems anymore. There’s always something wrong, I don’t have a good relation with my father, he’s never told me “I love you” and neither do I. I’ve always had a good relation with my mom, but since a few months it’s not the same anymore, I don’t know why. And my brothers, always there to talk behind my back with my mom when i”m not around. They don’t even know that I always hear their conversations. Anyways, I’m just tired of all of that, I want to leave the house, be independent and maybe have a new start. I’m tired of not being understood, and I don’t even know who I could share my feelings with, I don’t really trust a lot of people and I’m always afraid of being judged about that. I didn’t even talk about a third of what I feel, and why in this letter but I guess it’s just a start. I’m sorry if i’m just complaining here, but as I said it before, no one knows about how i am, no one really asks and even when they do I lie. It’s the first website i’ve found to write something anonymously, so there I am. Oh and by the way sorry if my english isn’t really perfect, I’m French.
Thank you for reading everything if you did, and have a great and happy life, I hope 🙂