Day: June 27, 2020

Damsel in depress

Today my family held a celebration of life for my uncle and great grandma in their passing. The ceremony was beautiful, a lot of family and friends attended. I stayed up late the night before trying to troubleshoot a projector issue for the presentation.

I genuinely enjoyed seeing my family members that are scattered all over the country, Iris enjoyed playing with her cousins and I reminisce how formative my interactions with my own were.

In the afterwards, we’re invited swimming my moms childhood friends daughters, the twins. I’d always known their mother had adopted them, but we referred to them all as family.

After we returned from swimming. Theres a few of my cousins and a stranger who I later learn is both my moms neighbor and the birth father of the twins. Hes already drunk when we arrive. Initially its jovial, I love you guys stuff, but quickly gets fuckin weird.

First off, he keeps aggressively looping into hate speech about black rioters and his tax money going to welfare. Hes aggressively calling me and my husband out of towner Democrats, when I was in fact born here and never brought up any political affiliations because it’s the day to grieve my gram gram and uncle. He’s also rudely saying my other cousins have man guns in when they come in, all the women present except myself take their hair down eventually during the prodding.
Things get darker when I feel like the remarks hes making to the twins are suggestive. I think my husband must think the same thing because he pulls me aside for a herbal calm down and shot because he cant deal with this guy without drinking, he drinks himself sick, hes apologizing but he makes a few clawbacks at this guy that are of appropriate note.

The twins are sent to walk the guy back to his home, which I’m a little why at but they return a short while later saying he passed out in the hall. His wife who had joined us at this point, and the twins adopted mother are all trying to give some dialogue on how hes normally not like this, and hes not a racist at all and would help anyone.

I’m sad, but the twins are sweet, their camping out with my daughter in the back yard and eating smores.

Hello, old friend

A lot has happened in the what, almost 5 years since I’ve seen you. I could fill you in on the details, but the truth is, if you actually cared, you’d already know. I’ve never really withheld anything from you, you just were never interested in any conversation where you weren’t 100% in control.

I’m not doing well. No point in sugar coating it. I feel a little like George Bailey, always trying to do the right thing, always trying to take care of the people he loves, always underappreciated for the sacrifices he makes, this sick world rotting away all the youthful idealism and endless ambition he had as a young man. I know there’s no guardian angel for me, nor any salvation from my “friends” and family. That’s just the movies.

I needed you years ago. As a friend, as a confidante, as a lover. My life could’ve been so different, with just a little bit of stability, a little bit more credibility as a man, a little more confidence. But you chose to break me down and throw me out with the garbage.