This is different

When it comes to you, everything I have done so far has been the exact opposite of what I want to do. Every signal I have thrown, every time I have turned my head or passed you by, every word I have said to you, none of it was ever what I truly wanted. And if given another chance, I would blow that, too. I have tried many times to write how I feel. I wrote one lengthy letter to you years ago and even that ended in obscurity to where the letter, true and nice as it was, didn’t really express how I felt about you. Every time I try to write about it, I can’t think straight. I can’t get it out. I clam up even when I am all alone with just my thoughts. Even the thought of you makes me nervous but not in the sense that I am intimidated by you. I can’t explain it so I don’t even try. But nothing I have done has matched up with how I feel and I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. This is the most I have allowed myself to ever even get into it and even this is vague af. I can’t help it.

One thought on “This is different”

  1. I understand this letter.
    I could have written something similar myself.
    Feeling this strongly about someone for years is not easy.

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