Today was a fucking awful day.
I’m getting married later this week. To the man I love, who has been my partner for over 9 years. And I just kept anticipating this week. Like building it up in my head. So excited, like this week was gonna be the best week of the year or something. I don’t know why I do this. It’s like I ruined it before it even started. We had a fight today, that started over something so asinine. So insignificant.
And then, of course, he just held onto the anger all day, which eventually left me feeling like I just had to tiptoe around him. That of course led to another fight. After which, I was told to run our pre-planned errands for the day by myself. Offered to pick up dinner for us. He declined. Came home and he was still irritated. Quiet. Just not really talking to me. Then he left to go for a ride on his motorcycle. Then he came back home and, in trying to ask him how we could better resolve/handle the situation in the future, I managed to make him more upset.
So now I’m just sitting awake in bed, writing this letter, because I feel so stupid for building this day up in my head. And we’re getting married this week. On Friday. And it’s only Monday and I’m already over this week.
I fucking hated today. Fuck this day.
On top of it all, my mom is toxic, my sister isn’t talking to me, and I just feel pretty alone. I hate this day. And I hate the way I feel right now.
Please know that men don’t change. If you don’t want to put up with someone who gives you the silent treatment, broods, punishes you by forcing you to do all the chores by yourself and then leaves you alone – then do NOT marry this man.
His communication skills are entirely innapropriate in order to nurture a long term marriage. I put up with the same shit – silence, leaving – nothing ever resolved no matter HOW you approached him even after letting him alone all day and it is a miserable way to live. Do you want this in 10 years, do you want your kids to see the maladapted negotiation skills he has. MEN DON’T CHANGE. You cannot cajole or tip toe or sweet talk or do favours, bring him his favourite drink or meal, jolly him along. I’m telling you now – it is fucking exhausting to always have to be happy, cajoling etc. Think about this very very carefully.
I hope I am wrong – but if I’m not, I hope you leave sooner rather than later. Good luck in whatever you do. And I hope he does not keep this behaviour up – for your sake.