Month: September 2021

You. Only you. Always You.

Have loved, Love and will love.
There are things I know but, dont say.
Im not completely oblivious to everything you do for me, your understanding for one..
I never quite tell you how much I really, deeply Love you. I complain, only show you that I doubt you.. I am sorry, I trust you. I dont really doubt you.
You are free to do whatever you like and Im aware of all the choices in front of you. The daily things you need to attend to, the people around you who need you but you still make time for me in all this chaos. Sometimes, I get a little selfish and only want you to myself and I know I need to compromise.. I know.
So much I need to say to you and I just dont know how, its like I fear showing my sensitive side because it may come across as a weakness..

I love you so much. You will probably never really know how much.

I miss you , always miss you.

I wish I could make you the happiest person alive, because you make me feel I am the luckiest. You do.

I have not always been fair with you and I promise all I really wish for is your full happiness and I know that may be something I cant accomplish.

You deserve so much more than I am giving, than I can give..

There is nothing in this world that compares to you in my eyes and in my heart amd as I type this my heart is beating crazy.

Whatever the future holds I hope you will know how worthy of love and respect you are.

From the bottom of my heart.

Why?

Dear A,

I saw a pic the other day on social media, one of those anniversary/nostalgia things. You weren’t in it, but it was taken around the time we met. Now 9 years ago. Truth be told, I can’t really remember much before that happened. And ever since has all been one big blur. I’ll skip past all the heartbreak, trying to express that has never done me much good. I just wanna ask you why? You know how much you meant to me. And we actually had pretty good chemistry I think, most of the time. Remember the Valentines I walked through the snow to see you? You were legitimately happy to see me; you’re not that good at faking. I think we could have been happy together. I think we could’ve formed a team that would’ve been stronger than the sum of its parts. So why did you turn your back on me for good? Did I say or do something to deserve your….hatred? That’s the only word that’s feels right. I’d be so happy if you just randomly popped back in my life some day, there’s nothing that can’t be forgiven, eventually. But, in the meantime, can you at least tell me why you left me?

Your loss!!

You will never ever realize what such a good quality fiance you’re about to lose. Why should I have any reason to think that you still want to be mine? You only contact me when you feel like it, for your own selfish reasons. You put on a good act. Take a bow. But be with someone who is as fake as yourself. I am too good to be with YOU. I know another man who deserves me. Even though me and him are only friends. He gives me the attention that you should be giving me. Plus he lives in the same building as me. He also cares about me and shows me compassion. It’s made me question why I’m even still “with” you. It should be HIM I’m marrying. Too late to apologize. Keep kicking your salty wounds. I never quite believed in you anyway. Goodbye.

No

I’m not going to be the fool who sits around just waiting for you for the rest of my life. Time doesn’t stand still. Time doesn’t wait for anyone. I give myself permission to find a lad who is decent, because I deserve it. I’m not so sure that you’ll end up going to heaven, the way you’ve abandoned me. Either you must have passed away, or you have just decided to become a coward by not telling me that you don’t want me anymore

Some friend YOU are.

Yes I did enjoy myself those two weekends that we spent together, but you don’t really seem to show much interest in having me around. If that’s truly the case, then there was no need to use me or ask me for my phone number. I don’t like being used. I must have only been useful for you those two weekends, cos screw it about how we treat each other in the future. I feel so used by you. That isn’t being a decent friend or looking after me. You aren’t as credible as you think you are. Just because I told you that I enjoyed my time with you, it doesn’t mean that I will always think of you as the last decent lad left on earth. What if I end up meeting a lad who pays me more attention who treats me with more respect? You’ve got competition until you can prove me wrong that you do actually “care” about me and my feelings. Being a decent person to me, doesn’t mean leaving me to my own devices when I’m depressed or going to harm myself, oh but when YOU’RE in hospital or harmed yourself, well then I have to care why? From where I’m standing you only really care about how you yourself is feeling. Screw ME. I’m just another person you ignore because you’re so selfish. Either be true with me or leave me alone, because you don’t want to end your “unique bond” with me. Or do you? The ball is in your court. It’s up to you to pick it up. Only you can decide how you treat me in the future, if I even ever end up hearing from you anymore. What’s the point in asking me for my phone number if you only text me every now and again. That isn’t being a good friend. If you don’t like to hang around with me, then leave me alone. Why DID you ask me for my phone number? For laughs? It certainly feels like it. Oh and those planned “Projects” that we discussed working on with each other, well I’ve still heard nothing from you about them. I’m tired of being ignored by you. If you don’t want to stay in touch with me, then please go away. I don’t have to have time for your crap. Let other lads treat me with respect. At least they’re more capable of it. Why would you even care? You don’t realize what a true person you have lost by neglecting me. That is mean ENOUGH. You expect me to reach out to you, yet you never reach out to me at all. It’s just strange. I can’t work that out. Anyway, get on with it. I know who I WON’T be buying a christmas card for. And don’t bother inviting me to any of your birthdays, as it might take a while for me to even think about relying on you ever again. You just carry on getting all of the attention that you crave. Don’t mind little me.