Month: July 2021

Dear Hubby

Dearest Hubby,

I love you with all of my heart. You know that, but there is something you are not sharing with me. For a week now I have been waiting for you to touch me. For the past 4 days, I started touching you. I thought you might need incentive. I thought maybe you wanted to feel wanted and needed. But you just roll over and ignore me.

Wth?!

I don’t get it. Do you not want me anymore? I’m sorry, but as a woman who as part of her Love Language needs touch… well, I NEED you to touch me. And I need Words of Affirmation…. Please, if you still DO want me after 25 years, PLEASE touch me.

Baby, we’ve been together since Middle School. If you don’t want to touch me anymore, I get it. I’m getting older, wrinklier, ugly… let me know so I can go find attraction elsewhere at least. Don’t take it as a threat. It’s simply a need/desire that (if you no longer desire me) you can’t meet.

Please understand. I love you.

Love me enough to give me what I need. Or talk to me, because this has been an off and on issue for years now… if it is not that you don’t desire me, WHAT IS THE ISSUE?

Twin flame

I’m sad. I want you to care. I’m trying so hard to maintain boundaries and give you what you need, but what about what I need?

Do you care? I don’t know. I think you do but your actions are confusing.

I want to make things right but how can I if you pull away every time we become intimate?

I love you so much. However, I’m starting to think for my sanity, I need to move and refocus my attention on my career because it seems at this point… it’s all I will ever really have.

Mommy Life

I fell in love the moment you were placed on my chest. You are incredible and everyday I am amazed at what you have accomplished in 21 months. I knew it wouldn’t be easy to become a mother, but I was excited to try something new. There are dyas where I get so frustrated that I want to hide in my closet just to be alone for the day, but that makes me guilty and tears well up in my eyes. I’m not frustrated because I miss my old life or even the freedom that came before. I think a lot of the frustration has come from being mostly confined to my small one bedroom apartment, that we managed to squeeze two adults, two cats and a baby in here. With the pandemic, everyone was stuck at home, we couldn’t take you shopping or even to the park because it was all closed down. Pools weren’t open and beaches were shut down, grocery shopping was designated to one person of the house hold and if I had to take you shopping I was always super worried you would get sick. However, everything is opening again and all the restrictions have been lifted, but its to hot to take you outside to enjoy some new things so we are still stuck inside and you get very wild. Not enough space to run around and you become to much to handle sometimes.
But in the near future, when this heat wave subsides, I’m going to take you to explore all the things that we haven’t been able to and we will play at the park everyday. You’ll make so many new friends that will be able to come to your birthday, and visit all of our family that we haven’t been able to see since the pandemic began. I am looking forward to this next year of your life and seeing what else you will accomplish without all of the restrictions. I am so sorry that the first year of your life has been mostly stuck inside due to a myriade of things, from being to cold and then to hot, it will be crazy to tell you all the things that happened this year once you get older.
I love you my wild little man and I am so glad that I am your mom.

Grout

I tried to clean it with a mixture of vinegar and baking soda. I let the mixture react, did an initial wipe, and then hit the grout lines with a drill-attached scrub brush. It worked alright but the remnants of baking soda splashed on everything—the shower, the toilet, the walls. Throughout the next week or so I got to wipe splotches of baking soda off of the fixtures. Then I consulted the Google for a solution that would allow me to complete the job with much less effort.

I picked it up at Home Depot. It’s a highly acid solution that brightens the grout on contact. I scrub it in with a brush and then wipe it up with rubber gloves to protect my skin from chemical burns. Once the bottle is empty I should probably be careful about where I rinse it out; the pipes in this house are old.

If I was disposing of this bottle at work I wouldn’t be allowed to just throw it away. The EPA and DEQ have special waste handling requirements for all production facilities. So does DOT if you need to drive your waste offsite. I get it. I took DOT classes to become certified to authorize shipments of hazardous materials.

The code addresses every type of pollutant imaginable. If I were to guess, I’d say that the active ingredient in this grout chemical is a marine pollutant with some degree of reactivity with other stuff. But I’m a homeowner and exempt from federal and state disposal requirements; I could toss the open bottle into a nearby lake and that wouldn’t be illegal.

There are measurable amounts of micro-plastics in rainwater. Plastic rain. And outside it’s hot. Five standard deviations of the expected value hot. A one-in-5,000 year event hot. Buckling, cracking, melting infrastructure hot. The high pressure will be around for awhile; I guess that’s what happens when we break the jet stream.

The ocean conveyor wants to stop. I’m sure the fire in the Gulf of Mexico doesn’t help with that. Temperature gradients are kind of causal. The country is controlled by insane people who think they need large, beautifully-preserved piles of money more than they need their grandchildren to not boil to death in the ocean. Priorities.

Greed.

I call her up after a hot day and tell her that it’s hard to escape the heat but it’s even harder to escape my feelings about the climate emergency that none of us can really do anything about. Says tells me to be calm and save my worries for something else. We recycle and vote and preserve and reduce the impact where we can. Otherwise it’s out of our hands.

I tell her I’m not fearful. I feel guilty. Humans are the locusts who invade and destroy the habitat. Superpredators. I’m sad for the animals.

She, a vet nurse, says “Don’t be sad for the animals. The animals aren’t sad for themselves. This is all they know. The planet will survive. The humans won’t. I’m okay with that.”

I’m okay with that. <3

Cannot say saduko

Just wish you would lay it all on the line.
You think that I am unaware of contact you have had with others , and the fact the others are foes or friends of mine is a real deal breaker in the whole trust spectrum.
I left that town and life behind, they are not interested in you for you. You made contact knowing it would be instant attention, and not a knock back.

So why am I here why do you play these stupid attention seeking games with ppl that don’t have your best interest at heart. If you need to have contact with the opposite gender, use yoyr own contacts, not ppl that you know would be a kick in my guts.

You knew the deal when you wanted me, respecting soneone is not that hard .
You know I know but yet call me paranoid.
I could easily catch you out..but why should I have to cause that conflict, cause you are not man enough to be honest.
I dont understand how a man who is really a kind person inside could really be so foolish, especially when you have someone standing by you, giving you the undivided attention.
And wants the best for you. Suppose when I am gone and you might see it for what it is, however will you really give a shit. ???. Hope the next victim is not as good at hidden word search puzzles as I am. ……

Blue eyes

Think about you way more than I should.
How could I not when I am hopelessly lost in those clear blue ocean eyes.
Probably you are completely oblivious of the fact that there is this soul longing to hold your hands and snowboard down those snow capped Alps. Or May be you are the sane one, careful not to start the game where outcome is already known.
Want to be just wee bit selfish having found you after all these years, probably shouldn’t but wanted to ask you if you would want to join me in adventures around the world ?