Month: July 2021

What if someone was like “hey I like you just the way you are and you don’t have to change yourself in anyway or adapt to any other standard for me to want to be in your life.” Ridiculous, I know, but one can always dream.

Take me with u please. I want to be with u touring around the world don’t like to be alone anymore.

Missing you a a lot. Wish you were around and I could run in to your arms. Not a day goes by not thinking about u.
Wish there was some possibility for us.

I don’t know how else to say it. Maybe too much for most. But the way I see you trying makes me want to try harder too. I know it’s now or never.

But for one moment, let’s imagine we had everything we wanted. That would be so nice. If I could make it happen tomorrow, believe me baby I would. I may not always feel like I am worth fighting for, but you, and us, that absolutely is.

Just outside of Central City Colorado, a gold mining town turned casino city. The campground gives the illusion of being in a wooded area with just a narrow separation between the closest subdivision and us.
To my right, a concrete truck rumbles as the check in office expands their patio for greater activity space.

Admittedly taking the gamble for a spot at one of the national parks nearby would have given us greater peace in nature (maybe) but with my five year old accompanying us the boasted presence of a playground , pool, and pancake buffet in the morning seemed like the kind of thing to ease her out of her skittishness after having seen a water snake the previous year on a trip with her grandparents and her current insect phobia she adopted. One day of watching her cousin dramatically kill imaginary bugs months ago and I’m left with weeks of long talks and demonstrations on why she can’t let her fear cripple her from enjoying herself.

Despite the noise, everyone’s having a good time. A curious Chipmunk scouts the outer edges of the camp. We cooked up some tasty burgers and fruit salad, despite my notoriously poor history of packing for adventures I seem to have pulled it all together alright this time. The kid even willingly left her electronic games at home for the spell, being perfectly happy with the toy frog she picked up in the gift shop.( Huckleberry coffee ground for me? Don’t mind if I do)

It’s a little chillier than I expected with all that heatwave noise the news outlets give me, good thing I packed for that too. Maybe tomorrow we’ll visit Buffalo Bill’s graveside on the way home, or walk historic downtown. We tried to make our way to the closest trailhead over at Mayhem Gulch but a police closure rerouted us.

What happened to us? You were so funny in your beekeeper costume, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so taken by a smile. Late nights at CiCi’s Pizza where we tested the limits of their “all you can eat” business model. You looked back at me and laughed as I chased you playfully through the park. But then something changed when you started to call me “Pony Boy”.

I told you I didn’t like it, ponies are small and I am a big stallion, and a man – not a boy. But you wouldn’t stop. At first it was somewhat funny, I guess – we were always ribbing each other – but it quickly became disturbing as you stopped calling me by my real name or any other nickname. It was always “Pony Boy this”, “Pony Boy that” – and in front of my friends and family. Pretty soon other people started calling me Pony Boy, too. I did not like this and again I asked you to please stop, but you wouldn’t. The relationship soured and I made efforts to cut off communication with you, and that seemed to send you over the edge.

Phone calls at all hours of the day and night saying “What’s up, Pony Boy?” Same with e-mails and text messages. Eventually these devolved into simple two-word messages in all caps: PONY BOY. I changed my number, but you found me. I changed it again, you found me again. Calls at four in the morning, screaming “PONY BOY” and laughing (or crying? I couldn’t tell). I went out to my car one morning and you had scratched PONY BOY into the paint dozens of times with a set of keys. I got to work to find that I’d been fired from my job because someone (you) managed to log into my work e-mail remotely and send “PONY BOY” emails to all of our clients. I got home to find PONY BOY written in what I hope is just red spray paint all over the walls and floors.

But then you disappeared, and I must admit now that a few months have gone by I miss you. If you’re reading this, please get in touch. You know who you are.

Sincerely,
Pony Boy