Everything I Want to Say

I’m so sick of this. I’m sick of none of you responding to a single thing I say and then apologizing so casually. I really, honest-to-god don’t believe you want me around anymore and it hurts so badly because yes I found another group while you are all gone but they are not the same. I want you four, I NEED you four and you have not been there to pick up the phone for so long. Please, just look me in the eyes and tell me you’ll still have me. Anything to make me believe I’m still welcome here. I don’t want you to say how much you miss me just because I’m crying over you. I want it to be genuine. Why is a little effort so much to ask? I’m starting to hate our dynamic, but I still need you. And the kicker is that if I said anything, all I would get back would be excuses and empty assurances. I wish I had the strength to leave you all before you leave me because I can see it coming no matter how much you try to convince me it isn’t.

I think that no matter what, you’ll always have a hold on me.

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