LATE: Love According To Expectations

I may be prone to exaggeration. Like if I said you have never given me a chance. It’d be completely different if I said you’ve never listened to me, really listened, because that is 100% irrefutably true. You think you need more than just attraction to want to have a relationship? Maybe I’d like to like you for more than just being pretty? How about that I wanted you to like me for who I am end stop before I would ever want to change anything about myself for you? Here’s a good one: Sorry I don’t fit the bill of the dream guy you’ve been looking for from every Disney movie and Cosmo magazine you’ve studied, or the hundreds of guys that hit on you every single day, but hey, for the handful of girls I’ve talked to beyond ‘Sure I’d love to write your term paper for you’, I think I’ve tried pretty hard. Did I ever try to make you fit into some mold you weren’t comfortable in or reject you entirely for failing to comply with my expectations? Like “hey babe, Men’s Fitness and my last 100 girlfriends agree that gargantuan breasts are essential to any healthy relationship; therefore, I can only answer 15% percent of your communications or less until you adjust accordingly.” You know what, I could go on forever, but until you’ve agreed to go on even one date with me, ESPN and International Bro Code dictate that my letters cannot exceed 250

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