Day: November 12, 2020

Serendipity

I want you to know that I’m happy and that moving on can bring you good things. I miss you sometimes in ways that haunt me, but love is love. I hope you feel that one day. I hope you give yourself in ways you haven’t before to someone else. I hope you challenge yourself and grow. I hope we can look at each other one day and realize why it’s worked out the way it has and feel happiness for ourselves and for each other. I’m always rooting for you.

I dont know

If I have Covid 19, but I get reports a few people near my partner at work have tested positive.

Previous to this information I had a few rough days, pain in my chest when I would inhale, stuffy nose, so at throat and stranger still the bottom of my left foot covered in small painful blisters. My kid just has cold symptoms .

I’m not sure if my symptom manifestation could be psychosomatic, as intense as this year could be.. so we recluse ourselves but hold off on getting tested, as per my partners request, that is..until another positive test comes back fro. His co workers, closer to his shift. Even though my partner exhibits no symptoms, our kid being under almost a full week of stuffy noses, I suspect this might not be just a cold.

There’s not really a clear cut way to handle this right? Beyond the reasonable doubt is cast on testing facilities for inaccurate tests, even if I test positive what treatment can these almost full hospitals provide me when they’re focused on trying to keep the ones with more severe symptoms afloat. We wear our masks, we sanitize, and our income is balanced on our ability to strategize the best course of action.
Grateful grocery and restaurant delivery is offered here until we know.

K

Damn it you compared it to a goddamn sprinkle in the spring

When it was a tsunami during hurricane season

It took houses down

It tore down the strongest cities

Me

I drove into fire, I collapsed into pieces inside myself, my DNA merging into yours, wrapping itself around the concept of death, I understood what it meant

You’ll die here, that was the promise, and I was okay with that

I let you have me like that

See me like that

Control me with a goddamn remote and I fell, fell flat on my fucking face, on ice, in skates that betrayed me

My writer’s mind, my poet’s eyes, buckled underneath me, underneath you, like I had never learned to walk

Mom always said it took me awhile to get on my feet

Guess it’ll take me a minute to get back on them

Been at sea

Been on the aftershock of lightning

I’m glad to have lived through it, but it may have killed me

(Could still kill me)

You made me forget I ever wanted to die, where I was

I took the wheel on acid

You made me fall in love with LSD, with you, all over again, and you can’t say we didn’t

Outside that super 8 motel
You gave me permission to end everything for myself

But no, it was when you stepped into home with me

You stole everything from me

Thief of days

It’s not like I can entirely blame you

But what?

What is it about me that scares you so much

I just don’t believe you or it hurts me too much to believe that you didn’t feel like that

But what else was that?

K

K,
I’m having a very strange day today, maybe I forgot to take my medication last night…

I had a dream about you and it made me think very deeply about you. I hear you had a child :), my daughter fills my heart with so much happiness, I hope your kid does the same. Did you get married? My wife is more than I deserve… Thats basically all I can say about that ha. Either way, I hope.you had a moment where you knew he was the one, its a nice feeling to be so sure about someone you love.

Sometimes I feel like I want to reach out to you… I don’t know what I would say and I don’t because I’m sure your response isn’t something I want to hear… I am curious if you think about me… like, positively ha. I hope you understand that I was unhappy with my life and although I did and said things I didn’t mean I loved you very much.

2003

I was 13 and as a recent Rangely Colorado transplant was nudged into a club by my guiding adults. Destination Imagination, formerly Odyssey of the Mind was a creative problem solving think outside the box kind of club that was global.

My team , after much conflict and members threatening to drop out, long nights blasting rammstein in my friends garage while we hacked away at our respective projects and 3 successful competitions , we achieved an invitation to the global competition in Knoxville Tennessee.

We raised the money to get there to perform our skit. In the Alice in Wonderland based show we put together a few of my peers engineered a machine guide for our Alice as she travelled to the Berlin Wall, Neuschwanstein Castle, Big Ben Clocktower, and the Golden Gate bridge to conquer the challenge presented by myself the mad scientist. I was also in charge set design and had to conquer my anxiety to sing Pink Floyd’s Another Brick in the Wall pt 3 a few times.
While in Knoxville we were all given a series of custom pins to go forth and trade with our various peers from different states and countries. Unfortunately China was under quarantine with its Sars outbreak so they were not present for the exchange or ceremonies parade, but the Thai , Japanese , and Korean teams I met were so sweet and eager to exchange pins, I also got a few from new york and various other states. Some of which I gave as favors to friends back home who helped us.

What a trip. We were set up in college dorms and given free range to explore. Our team ranked 24th or so out of 50. I might be wrong on that I just was proud we were somewhere in the middle, if felt like proof of effort.