This letter is meant for you. You’ll probably never read this or know my true feelings but the universe needs to hear me and possibly drift a little bit of truth your way.
You threw away your life because your dick was itchy. You threw away your past because it was easier to lie to the most dedicated, loyal, honest and kind person I have had the honor of knowing than simply utter the sentence, “I am considering having an affair.”
You took her choice away and made it for her. With a sordid back room fuck you stripped away your promise of fidelity. With each answer you gave to her instinctual questions you ripped off the years of trust. She is not broken. She is hurt. She is also honorable and can look within knowing she was true, even when it was hard, even when she was tempted to go against her vows.
You didn’t even have the decency of telling her the truth. She had to pull it out of you.
Now you get everything you think you want. Now you get to follow through on all those winks and nudges and innuendos that you have brazenly shown while your wife was seated next to you. Now you can dazzle that blonde and tickle that redhead and fondle that brunette. Now you can feel the pulse race as the much younger woman catches your eye. Now you can woo her and impress her with your worldly ways. Now you can smell new smells and taste new lips. Now you can have the world like your women, in the palm of your hand.
You are in for so many new experiences.
Now you can feel your age as the much younger women laugh at your advances. Now you can break other people’s hearts and have your own heart broken. Now you can worry about condoms and pregnancies and chancres and herpes and crabs. Now you can dine in the discomfort of a broken family. Now you can have those long, crying talks with your children and inform them why it just didn’t work out. Now you can worry that some day they might actually find out. Now you can write off half of your life as your wife’s family and friends disappear. Now you can divide your past and divvy up your stuff.
I hope your wiener is happy. It seems to have gotten everything it’s always wanted.
Fuck, couldn’t you have just jumped out of a couple of planes, bought a sportscar and gone on an African safari?
It would have been cheaper in the long run.
Oh, and by the way, thanks for fucking it up for the other husbands who are now being eyed by their wives after their “ideal marriage” has hit the skids. Thanks a LOT for that.