Day: February 28, 2020

Tell me there’ll be a day when I’m not suffering from anxiety.

Tell me there’ll come a time when I’m over it, like a cold or a stomach bug and I’m not throwing up feelings in my chest that don’t make sense. I want to explode, implode, burst into flame. I want to curl into a soft, space place. I want to run away. Anything that makes it stop, stop stop.

I want to see the end of this fear. Fear of nothing, fear of everything. I’m waiting for all this help to help. To step on the support of others and find myself in the rafters.

I want to hold your hand. I want to hold you, and it’s just me. All me. All present. No deep dark thoughts or anxious whispers or terrible visions. I just want to be with you, and be ok. I just need to be ok, and believe it.

Tell me,
Tell me,
Tell me.

Tell me until I believe it.

We were so close
on your choosing
.. while I tried so hard to hold back
Reality
you wanted to go there
pushed for it
dreamed of it

us – together

it was you who came back to me
yes,
yes, all along I’ve been missing you

no, no I wasn’t and will never run after you

Thing is
..if it means enough you’d pull through
and if you don’t
it would never last

Something I won’t do for you
simply because I wouldn’t
find myself ever again if I’d lose you
..then

Ahhh, you were so close
or just so full of shit?

I don’t know what to think anymore
.. so I just don’t try to find answers
that I can’t answer myself anywho
anymore

I am doing well
my life is really getting a push forward
it has been little by little
Steady pace and never fast enough for me

Now I am almost in my comfort zone
again
yet, not really
because I have never been
..so it’s a bit different
it’s Content
* I disliked Content because
it’s not enough, never enough but
after everything*
..I take it

ahhh and not
in Moments I profoundly enjoy my
utter freedom
I pretty much do what I want
.. don’t have to answer to nobody
*besides work and even that is
..mmm doable

What get’s me
what really does
..why did you disappear like you did?

No word
.. just gone

1 second your profession of love
plans
dreams
.. next day
poof
gone

I think I could get over a breakup
over a fight
over pretty much anything
but you just left me with
.. nothing but the question why

& the battle of inner feelings still alive

Did I mean so little
that I didn’t even deserve
a simple goodbye?