J,
When we were together, you used to open all the windows in my house when I was at work. And I’d come home, and it was like a completely different place. Warm and bright with sunlight, no more of the artificial shit I was surrounded by all day. Just walking in the door I would feel happier because of that one small thing you did. And I finally realized that was the perfect encapsulation of how I feel about you, or maybe the reason I feel the way, I do. I felt genuinely alive for the first time with you, and you validated me in ways no one ever has.
My life was a pretty dark place for a long time before I met you. You brought the light back into my life. I hadn’t been truly happy in so long. Obviously it wasn’t all sunshine and roses. Tbh I feel pretty cheated by the part of you I did get to spend time with. The broken spirit, the distracted attention….the mood swings, it was a lot to deal with, and, yeah, there were times I wasn’t always as happy with you as I may have lead you to believe. The good has always vastly outweighed the bad, no matter how bad the bad has been, but its pretty easy to figure out. When you were happy, I was happy. When you were miserable, I was miserable. Such mirroring of emotions, remind you of aNyone?
Maybe this makes sense to you, but you realize you stopped talking to me when I stopped fighting with you?? I admit I used to say some nasty things to you out of anger, and there’s nasty things roaming my mind even now. I just decided that’s not how I’m gonna treat you anymore. My strength is that I CAN suppress the anger, I CAN be the one that walks away from a fight or lets you win rather than cause irreparable damage, I CAN be the one that leads us to a path centered on compromise and mutual support. You are worth it. Every minute we spent together, even the bad ones, is precious to me.
I don’t believe our story is done. But I’ll give you all the time you need.
Love,
Me