Day: June 7, 2023

Dear G,

I have spent the past 2 years confused and questioning why our friendship broke off so quickly. Did I do something wrong? Was I a little too honest with you? I’ll never know.

I only ever wanted the very best for you. I was happy for you when you told me 2 years ago you’d met someone. I know you wanted someone in your life for so long. But things moved quickly and within a few weeks of knowing each other you moved out, going a joint account, joint car and a dog. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t moving to quickly, and you asked for my honest opinion on the situation. So I gave it to you… like you asked. As a good friend would do. But then again, you cut all your friends out too didn’t you.

You left my life for some reason I will never seem to understand. You were my best friend, the person who I would trust, and eventually one day ask to be my maid of honour. I never
imagined our lives would drift apart and feel like strangers.

So, my old friend, I am closing off this chapter in our lives and am saying goodbye. It hurts to finally close this but I can only hope you are doing well in your home with your boyfriend. I wish you all the best for the future.

E

Millions and millions of girls staring at you through your live stream. Staring at you, but not seeing the real you. Only seeing you as they want to imagine you. It gives them such happiness. I don’t know the real you, either. Your eyes tell, but none of us can read their message.

The young psycho was screaming out the car window at me again. “Fuck you bitch!” I don’t see the kid but I reckon it’s the the same dark curly hair from the previous harassments as school was ending. I should have been better prepared to get plates recorded but I didn’t.

I’m not the only parent hes done it to, but it seems like he’s getting more aggressive, and as he’s always a passenger, so I know there’s more than one of him. It seems likely even if they aren’t encouraging the behavior, they’re supporting it by allowing it to persist.

Isn’t it strange that over all those years so many of your „bliss moments“ are lived out moments from our virtual reality moments? Right down to creating situations, little things and nicknames… Honey? Giggling? Really now…LMAO
Why that still hurt, I don’t even know. Maybe because you intentionally gave me hope that I had stopped asking for when all I was seems to be is your inspiration. One in a million choices, did you find another appropriate muse or are you struggling to find another me?
Realise, while there are so many good replacements, there is just one me because of my faults, through my life experience, they make me unique!
My weakness for you, was (is? dunno) just one of them….

Much like how a parent may not necessarily trust their kid but still have a deep well of love that can not be easily emptied.

Or have you ever had a naughty pet? Do you reconsider your affections stillstanding when that pet makes destructive mischief?

No I don’t think that trust is a prerequisite of love , although it can be a space for decision making during independent review. If I ever had a teenage son ( unlikely as my partner is getting snipped) and I found out that him and his buddies were screaming obscenities at parents walking to get their kids from school like the little shit that shrieked “fuck you bitch!” at me last Thursday as he sped by in the safety of his vehicle, well I’d probably get creative with punishments. That’s one of those bad personality types that if you can’t break them of it as it presents itself its ugliness head on, it festers , it can destroy lives. How might you choose confront that sort of anger or resentment as it presents itself in someone you love and value? Would you wash your hands of obligation? Could there have been an alternative to the worst possible outcome.

J,

When we were together, you used to open all the windows in my house when I was at work. And I’d come home, and it was like a completely different place. Warm and bright with sunlight, no more of the artificial shit I was surrounded by all day. Just walking in the door I would feel happier because of that one small thing you did. And I finally realized that was the perfect encapsulation of how I feel about you, or maybe the reason I feel the way, I do. I felt genuinely alive for the first time with you, and you validated me in ways no one ever has.

My life was a pretty dark place for a long time before I met you. You brought the light back into my life. I hadn’t been truly happy in so long. Obviously it wasn’t all sunshine and roses. Tbh I feel pretty cheated by the part of you I did get to spend time with. The broken spirit, the distracted attention….the mood swings, it was a lot to deal with, and, yeah, there were times I wasn’t always as happy with you as I may have lead you to believe. The good has always vastly outweighed the bad, no matter how bad the bad has been, but its pretty easy to figure out. When you were happy, I was happy. When you were miserable, I was miserable. Such mirroring of emotions, remind you of aNyone?

Maybe this makes sense to you, but you realize you stopped talking to me when I stopped fighting with you?? I admit I used to say some nasty things to you out of anger, and there’s nasty things roaming my mind even now. I just decided that’s not how I’m gonna treat you anymore. My strength is that I CAN suppress the anger, I CAN be the one that walks away from a fight or lets you win rather than cause irreparable damage, I CAN be the one that leads us to a path centered on compromise and mutual support. You are worth it. Every minute we spent together, even the bad ones, is precious to me.

I don’t believe our story is done. But I’ll give you all the time you need.

Love,
Me

Thank you for taking care of me so much for loving me so much for helping me heal and for giving me back my faith you are someone very special in my life and I am so lucky that you were right there to lift me up.