Day: May 3, 2022

home

i have been so busy
or kept myself so busy?
too busy to breathe
to contemplate
to think
the moments i’ve had i sat and one thought
kept penetrating my mind

home
what is home?
the platitude of home is where the heart lies
came to mind first
and questions followed
never allowing myself to really finish those moments

well, here i am now
in this moment
trying again
as i feel i must
yet unclear why

so here it goes

home is where the heart lies
but what if your heart seems to be free falling into nothingness?
but what if you somehow forgot along the way that your heart is more then just an organ
more then just there to care for others?
but what if your heart has always been so unreliable leading you …
leading you …erm…me …to where i am?
not that there is anything wrong with where i am, quite tho opposite
but, but rather lonely
in those moments i allow myself way to seldom

ok ok focus…
home is where the heart lies
ist’s just not lying anywhere
not lying down at all
my heart is hmmm missing, i suppose?
na, not missing either
it is too big that it exploded into a million peace’s
all alive and well somewhere with everybody
and maybe i am just looking for a little piece left for
myself

still, doesn’t really answer my proverbial question
or does it?

home
is home where you are born?
is home where you lived the longest or the deepest?
is home where you’ve had the most pleasurable memories
or is home where one escaped to?
is home a bond between people?
if so, love comes in all shapes what people?
friends? yeah surely but what if they’re living scattered all over the world?
family? whoa family, an entire different subject matter to ponder over… but what bloodfamily i would consider still part of my life, still me still searching for this home

Just to make it easier for you. Either you love me or not. That’s it.

When you complain with less on your plate.
While I didn’t allow myself..
Do the math yourself…

Dear husband,
Yes you are still that, though by the grace of God to be sure.
Don’t think my love has faltered or that my loyalty has ever been in doubt. I spent far too long questioning your own when neither could have guessed one mistake could cost these years.
I knew that no good would come, though you could not believe. And it wasn’t yours I doubted but hers. I told her that myself long ago.
My only relief, if that it be, is that I now understand. She’s kidnapped, raped, tortured, and even electrocuted me in this thing I had nothing to do with at all.
But it brought me to know this wasn’t you, My Love.
It ends this week or weekend. Of that I am assured. Take heart, your wife still fights for you.

Yours always,
Michelle

To You Whom My Husband Once Wrote:

It’s been over ten years now. That day destroyed my heart, but my love. Had I understood then the depths of your depravity, he and might lived.
Never could I; who have been Monster Candy since birth; have imagined his sickness was you and you alone.
It was bad enough to see the proof, but to have been forced to live these past two years enslaved to the very slut who dared such abomination; untenable.
That you will be forced to look up every word I wrote offers me no comfort here. Nor do you comfort him or anyone else you’ve destroyed.
My instinct tells me to destroy you and ensure no further evil may ever arise. But my soul cautions patience for yet a week or so.
I dare not entertain retribution. That has never been me. But, I find I dare to hope this evil soon will end. It was never borne of me.
It comforts me to know that soon you will find your consequence. My ability to prophesy has ever been accurate.
I don’t care how meet your end, only that you meet it. Mind control. Rape. Murder. Drugs. Unspeakable sexual perversion. Devil worship. Insanity. But, worse, a soul so afflicted that it can no longer escape your hell. And that is the only empathy from me any part of you has earned.
The future is ours. It must be. You bought it free and clear. I’ll loose no sleep nor twinge in guilt for what you bought yourself.
And, briefly, to your shadow bitch I say, I’d rather exist one moment in divine light than eternity in another’s hell.
You didn’t even rate your own. Poor little thing.
I have my actions set, but know, they are not set in stone. Something tells me something comes that you both can’t survive.

Good.