There’s some stuff that you and I will know but in the outer reaches of possibility that you ever come to a place like here, I want you to know, I just am too afraid to say it to your face and stumble over the words and look like an idiot.
So, you have a particular fantasy, you told me when we sat together in the office.
You like a particular brand of shoes.
And your reasons not to be with me, we have debated if they can be overcome or not.
Well the first thing that needs be said is, sure whatever happens, whether you read this or not, I will always try to be what you want, I will make occasional jokes but never once will I push you for more than we are, never ever will I expect it.
I asked you to tell me if things change, so I will hold out hope that it can happen.
All I intend to do to move toward that end is, give of myself to you.
Support you any way I can, show you that whatever you say or do, you can lean on me, I will never judge you, never not be there for you, never break your trust, will be everything I can.
I love you, ok scary whoa slow down man, of course you think that, and you probably would think that is some hell of a pressure even if we were right now free to be together. Well no.
But I would have to love you to have a future with you, I am just not the sort to get one thing and go. Which we have spoken of already.
I see what you said, and if they are all that you worry about, then consider those issue carefully, you know how much I respect you and everything you hold dear, so you know I would do everything to uphold those things, there are certainly two things beyond my ability to change but one of them is not a good reason to not be happy, and be honest unless you told anyone, who the hell would even know?
Another it would hardly impact you.
But any argument I make is irrelevant, what I would like is you to wipe all that aside and consider what could we be. As I said, I don’t want to leap into a physical, I’d love to take time to know you better, what is your favourite food, your perfect day, perfect date, ideal wedding-And not just location as you told me already.
Films you love, clothes, everything about you matters, there is nothing about you I would not want to know, but nothing that I would demand to either, literally I would be blessed to be told anything, but happy to take what you feel safe and comfortable sharing.
I respect your boundaries, we all have an inner me that hides something. I would tell you any part of my life though for with you I truly feel like you are a part of my soul, my being, that I never knew was missing until you made me see you complete me.
Is it too much to tell you, maybe,, but my heart bursts with happiness to be around you, to come home to you, that would be , I haven’t the words to describe it.
I told you I would do what you think I cannot, but I would, because how could I not, if you loved me, then all things are possible.
Okay I know my current situation, and as I said, it has to be resolved, neither quick or easy or painless. But after years knowing it just wasn’t right, the second I knew what I felt for you, I knew if there was a way, I did deserve to be happy
I could write so much but I think I must resign myself to this, I will take what I am given, but every minute of every day I shall try to be what you could love, I will go to my end trying to earn it, if I fail, I will have tried and for some while, have known you, and even if all we remain as is friends, I am already blessed.
I love you now, I will love you tomorrow, I will love you for all my tomorrows.
You are the sun that lights up my heart.
I will be there for you in whatever way I can, and pray to god that if he listens, if he will help, he will make me all that you want and need, so that one day I can be all that makes you feel this happy because you deserve to be loved like you are the most amazing woman ever, because, that is what you are.