I hate you.
I hate that you made me feel unlovable.
I hate that I couldn’t ever be sad or scared or sick.
I hate the worse I get, the less you care.
Never an apology.
You say I never hear you.
Hard to hear, what’s never been said.
Intimacy is a joke.
I give and give.
I’ve always known something was wrong.
It’s been 7 years and it’s the same.
I’ve grown. Am still growing.
And now recognizing I allowed you to do this to me,
Because I didn’t love myself. And most of all you do t love yourself.
You were a reflection of how I treat myself, but in human form.
It took for the whole world to crumble to know it’s not just me.
You never cared. And aren’t capable of it.
I’m done with feeling alone. Glorified roommates. Less than.
I deserve intimate, love, and passion from my partner.
Sucks it took for my entire world to burn to rise again from its ashes.
Emotional Unavailability is real. you are not alone. you are not crazy. You just deserve better. Someone wants to give you Better. Love YOURSELF.
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Emotional unavailability is when an adult who is as capable of growth as we all are chooses to remain an emotional toddler for the rest of their lives, getting their needs met by drawing on the energy of whoever happens to be around and failing to give, unless it is to get. They may get attached to one person for a while, but as soon as someone who looks more fun or exciting or has a yummy snack comes along, suddenly that person who was there for them for so long, doesn’t exist anymore. Whatever is in front of their face at the time… that is what’s on their mind. Unless they’re bored. Then they will act like a normal adult for a while (if they have to, maybe), to seek out the easiest source to meet whatever need they may be feeling. They do not understand emotions… they’re slaves to them. Their entire existence is based upon avoiding the ones they don’t like. Even if that means destroying someone who loves them.
You deserve more. You were not put on this earth to be sucked dry by a person who would refuse you a drink when you were dying of thirst because they are afraid they’ll run out and terrified they might have to feel thirsty for a second. Their failures say nothing about you. They are limited. You’re better off now… now you can be happy. 🙂