You’ve been coming into my job for some time now. Watched me hit on your female partner, and fail on account of her being straight. You and another partner stick around for hours on end, talking about nothing really. Seemingly unimportant nonsense about our nightshift jobs. We can stand there and laugh for hours some days, and others you’re right back out the door.
I’m not quite sure when I started taking you in more. The green flecks in your honey brown eyes. The way you seem to stick to me as I move about my various tasks. The smile when you see me that first visit of the night. The glimmer in your eye when I get that mischievous grin about a sly comment one of us has made. The curiosity and intent you have when you listen to me babble about absolutely nothing….and I listen to you with the same wholehearted curiosity… But since when…
I haven’t found myself attracted to a man since my ex walked out on me, while I was so sick I couldn’t walk myself. That was 3 years ago…
I’ve presented as lesbian ever since, because I’ve dated women since jr high, yet….here you are… Making me question things.
I close my eyes and I see you staring back at me, smiling. My mind likes to imagine what it would be like for you to run your hand over my skin. It’s torture. It’s all so confusing, and exciting, and stressful. I want to give you my number, but how do I even begin to make that happen. My anxiety has me convinced you, nor anyone, could ever like me. Truly. Honestly.
I’m terrified of rejection. That could have something to do with it. It being the reason I haven’t given you my number, or even asked how you feel about me. I’ve been trying to work up the guts to ask you tonight, because it’s Monday night, I know you’ll be at work….but I doubt I’ll be able to. I’m such a coward
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