This isn’t for anyone in particular, this really is for me. I have no other outlet for something like this. My wife has never trusted me, we’ve been married for 2 years together for 12 and after she cheated on me when we were dating I guess she assumed I’d do it as well. The first time she went through my phone she found text messages of me venting about her, we had just moved in together and it was our first time living in the same state as each other. The months leading up up to her moving were rough…..daily fights and arguments and I kept telling myself once she’s here we’ll be ok, and we were for a time. Then I forget to bring my phone to the bathroom to play music while I’m showering and she looks through my phone and accuses me of being in love with my friend who I was venting to. I had few female friends and wanted a female perspective. Bad idea. Time moves on the trust is clearly never there. She always thought I was up to something, I usually wasn’t but I felt like I was. I started deleting all my texts to certain people and cut back my interactions with others. This is normal I told myself. Her offhanded comments she thinks I can’t here punctate most every conversation, I can’t pick up a new hobby without it being ridiculed. I know I’m painting my wife in a bad light but she’s not all bad. When she’s in a good mood she is very thoughtful and caring but it seems like those are few and far between at this point. When I was at my lowest I made a mistake, I began sexting and exchanging pictures with someone from Reddit. We never met, only chatted on Kik. My wife found out and she never forgot. After talking she forgave me, but she never took accountability for her actions that drove me to that point. The belittling comments still come, the jokes at my expense, the double standard of her bein able to call me a dumbass or swear at me when she’s mad but the second I say anything similar she loses her mind and tells me never to swear at her. This has been for the last 6 years. She is not the woman I fell in love with, but I also felt such guilt at insisting she move here where she had extended family and I have my family and friends rather than uproot my life to move somewhere where I have no support, is the reason I say nothing. I haven’t felt genuine happiness in a long time…..at least not with her. I have been happy with my friends when I am away from her or when I am talking to someone else….but I’ll get to that…