First I was flattered you thought of me so much. Then I kept listening to the song over and over and it seemed like you were shifting all the blame on me. Then (in true INTJ fashion) I made you an itemized list of why you should not feel that way. But whatever, blame it all on me.
And, in the interest of candor, I must confess that I am engaged. He pushed me to talk to you and see where it goes because he wants me to go into marriage with no regrets. Weird guy, no?
Today I had to console a hurting man (well, a little, if I’m being honest). He didn’t realize what he put on the line. Once it was made clear, he was beside himself, begging me to choose him and to make you go away.
Begone, foul monster, spectre of a love I once knew, and restore peace to my baby. May our paths never cross again.