I’m under it right now. Different canvas but all the same feels. That rainy June night, just you and me. Maybe the biggest mistake of my life not kissing you then and there. All this nostalgia is flooding me right now, and I just want you to know how desperately I am in love with
I’m sorry, honey… I love you so, so much… It’s sad to feel like you’ll never understand how great is this love I have for you. And it’s sad to see it looks like we just can’t understand each other, too… I see it hurts you a lot, and it does for me as well.
Well, this is it. I feel like I have been bled completely dry. You bled me dry. You appeared, opened my heart like a blossoming flower, and watched as it all poured out, without ever helping me to fill it back up. So I guess this is it. This is goodbye. I must go now and learn to fill my heart up alone, on my own.
Goodbye. I will miss you.
To whomever it will never concern,
I’m writing you again. I hope that’s okay. You get a lot of letters so I don’t expect you to remember me. I asked you to call me Yuuno last time. I like salt and vinegar chips and pink nails. Do you remember me now? It’s alright if you don’t. I’d rather you didn’t.
I woke up feeling sick again. I guess I never stop feeling sick really. It just…isn’t as bad sometimes. This morning felt bad, but I know it wasn’t the worst I’ve been. I was lucky because I woke up next to him again this morning.
I think I’m better now, but it’s hard to tell. I honestly don’t think I’ll have long to live…but that’s okay. I’m not scared or sad because of that. Maybe I’ll get my new life? I’d like if we could be friends then.
– Thank you
Yuuno with the shaved head
You cannot control who you love or those attributes to which you are attracted. I guess I should feel blessed, though, that nature or up bringing blessed me with an attraction to intelligence, independence, ambition, adventure, humor, creativity, deep-thinking, caring, unselfishness, etc. Not that looks and physical attraction and “attitude” aren’t important, but I’ll fall for a 6 with these other attributes before I fall for a 10 who is a dropout junkie loser and will cause me a ton of financial and legal issues and not come through on things. That’s not love. My only condition for love is that they love me back.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you, want you, NEED you. The routines I have to make, they are centered around you. Majority of what I do in day-to-day life is to keep you. You are, and always have been My Better Half. There aren’t words enough to describe my dedication and adaptability to your fleeting wants and needs.
But you tear me in half. You say the words that you know I can’t hear. You attack me, you control me, and I’m somewhere between a slave and someone whom you are Manager for. I take pills I might not have to take if I didn’t go through what you put in front of me. I fear you.
You are the man, and I the woman. You control and I serve. When you do something wrong and I gently point it out, you turn it into me having done something wrong. I heal you in so many ways, and you cause untold pain to me. Why can’t you see it. Why? We’re supposed to lift each other to new heights. I sink further into the ground. I imagine there’s no pain in the ground, if I were brave enough or wouldn’t hurt so many people that do like me for me, the woman I am and what I stand for.
I can’t give up. Then you’re right again about something that isn’t true. You have to leave. But I can’t just let it happen; it’s too against my morals. But you could leave, at this point very few would fault you. You’re upset, mad, and hit where it hurts.
I just want to be without pain. I’m not certain how that feels, it’s been so long. But I think I have people who could help me with everything but my heart and soul. They may never mend. You have broken them, more than I thought possible. All the broken hearts I’ve had before pale. I am always in pain. Pain.