Dear Skin, I just want to remind you how lovely you are and how proud and resplendent you made me feel today. We haven’t had a good relationship lately and I have been mad at you, but you gladly stayed here for me and covered me in the most beautiful way that was possible for
This letter is to them. You think that it is ok. You think that it is a game. A game that you are winning at. IT IS NOT A GAME. I walked into that house thinking that it was going to be a normal night. Drinking, dancing, laughing. Yet I was not laughing when I
You don’t burn incense and expect not to smell it
Just as I thought nothing could bring me comfort, nothing could ease the constant ringing in my ears
There you are again
You tell me, the door is always open
I ask if I can come in
You say do we really want to go there again
And I say can I just say fuck it
And my lips crash into yours as I feel the first drop of water after months without rain
The rainwater coats us again and I trace your name on your skin
I hold you like I’ve never held you before and I know someone else has been here
It doesn’t matter anymore
Any of it
Those songs play again
And I could’ve sworn I’d never told you I loved you
But I did, I cried it, I screamed it, I dreamed of it
I thought for sure you were nothing but a figment of my mind at this point
But I spelled it out with kisses and said it in my head
I still love you and I’ve never stopped
You tell me I’m shaking
Does that come as a surprise to you?
It floods through my veins and I can’t help but shiver
You fall asleep beside me
And everything in me fell as well
But this has been here the whole time
It’s returned and grown stronger
Like a hurricane each time it returns
Break me, I dare you. Show me why I shouldn’t love you. Teach me how to want to leave you.
You’ve got me on your chain though to you, I’m just another princess whose dragon you’ve slain.
They all move on, one look and you can see that you’re not ready. You’re ineligible for affection, and we were just the perfect summertime confection.
It’s winter now, day faded to night in the blink of an eye. Day times make it easy to forgive you, night makes it easier to love you.
Am I to forget our twilight banter? I probably shouldn’t say you look best with a setting sun behind you.
We were matches, burnt fast and bright, consuming all we touched but fading fast into the night.
We don’t mix. we collide, it’s devastating and horrifying but still spectacular and mystifying.
Our eyes still meet from time to time, across an ocean containing both apathy and anxiety, we’re alone together in a sea of fillers.
I can’t tell if you want to reel me in, or if there’s still some compassion somewhere in those beautiful brown eyes.
I fell for a reason, I don’t want to put you in a box as a user or manipulator because I can see the love you have bursting from your heart.
I’d love to say looking at you breeds no feeling of jealousy or want or perhaps a stronger feeling, but I’ve never been one for lying.
I’m a lover and a fighter, I win wars by caring too little, I cut not with knives but with sharp passive aggression and lack of sympathy or caring.
I’d be ecstatic to play that game with you, if I could only tell you no. I can’t deny you, because I want you more than you want me.
So you win this round, I suppose, the next move is yours. You hold my fragile heart in your hand, and all you need to do to end it all, is squeeze.
We met, I fell in love. Is love too strong of a word to use this soon? It might be but sometimes it is the only word that I can use to describe what I feel for you. You don’t know how I feel about you. We are friends and some say that you like me back. High school is a crazy place where people judge you and you feel like you are an animal on display at every second of every day. This is why no one can know how I feel. I know that the odds that you like me back are slim and that it will just end in humiliation. I just hope that one day you can open up enough so that I can know your true feelings. Until then I am just stuck wondering and day dreaming about what life could be like if I was brave enough to tell you or anyone how I feel. Sometimes it takes less than that and it just takes an act of intimacy to strike emotions and let something happen. I have been trying to get us to hang out but it seems that you always have something going on. I hope that one day things can be simple and people won’t be judged for feelings that everyone will feel.
I looked at your wife’s Pinterest. And now I can’t talk to you. Because she loves you. I shouldn’t know the behind the scene’s meaning of everything she has posted over the years. I don’t know why this was the first time I stalked her like that. Maybe would have saved a lot of heartache if I saw her as a real person years ago. Unfortunately we go back before Pinterest. Before smart phones even. Oh it’s just been too long. But really- like- the woman loves you. Now go sleep with her and your life will be roses and rainbows.
Think I like saying that? Of course not. But it’s reality. We don’t belong in each other’s life. Not like this. Talk to your woman Man. Or leave. But quit it with both worlds because it’s annoying and pretty damn pointless.
My lifelong muse,
I hate doing things with such finality but the time has come to close up shop and move along. My world is just too far away to keep up this lame attempt at rekindling a fire that never burned. I hope that being such an important part of my heart and my soul will warm you somewhat but, as you are well aware, I have others who rely on my sanity and my presence. Love you kid, probably always will but I will be saying goodbye now.