• The Wait

    by  • December 20, 2014 • 0 Comments

    I promised myself I wouldn’t send any more emails your way until you get back to me, so this is my only outlet. I know why you make me wait for you. You make the wait excruciating. It’s excruciating waiting on you. It’s excruciating feeling each moment as I wait to hear from you. It’s

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    I feel so dumb

    by  • December 20, 2014 • 0 Comments

    Honestly, somehow I think I knew that was gonna happen. I don’t know what it means but I guess I kinda saw it coming. Well congratulations. You caught me again. It doesn’t look good, I know that. I don’t want to play it both ways. I just don’t know what else to do. I’ve sabotaged

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    To the bestfriend (?)

    by  • December 20, 2014 • 0 Comments

    I do not care anymore if you want her, or if you want to be with her. Are you really that sensitive that you still put me through this kind of shit? Are you too blind to notice that you have been hurting me for the past God-knows-how-many years? How could you do this? Be with me and then just leave like that and call me up to tell me about the girl. Why? Was I never important to you? Were you just always playing your game with me because if this was a game, how come I never won? Tell me, tell me what should I do? Do I still stay with you for the reason that I am your best friend and because you keep coming back to me anyway when you do not have any girl or do I save myself from this misery and be just done with you? :(

    Well, here we go. Awkward coffee?

    by  • December 20, 2014 • 0 Comments

    Well, here we go. Ten years later (almost to the day!), we’re going to see each other again. I don’t know what to expect, I don’t know what to hope for. Part of me hopes that you’ve changed as much as I have, that we’ll have an awkward conversation and be happy when we’re done our coffee and can walk away. I may always wonder what could have been, but at least that way I won’t need to wonder what could be.

    Sadness.

    by  • December 20, 2014 • 0 Comments

    It’s overwhelming. Yet, l know how to get by. Push through, just keep going. You can do it.

    I miss you & I love you. It’s all l can really say. You know how deep this pain is for me. We’ve been through this. That’s why this hurts so much. I wish you would talk to me.

    Damnit, talk to me. Don’t let pride be your guide.

    To the one who left

    by  • December 20, 2014 • 0 Comments

    You were my first love, and will be my only love. I know that they say everyone moves on and it gets easier, but you were the one who changed everything for me; and I can’t imagine feeling that way for someone else. I never wanted to get married, until you showed me that I could be with someone and not get bored and fall more in love everyday. I never wanted to have children, until I imagined having kids with you and what they would be like, a perfect little mixture of the two of us. I told myself that if I were to ever fall in love, that would be it, just that one person for the rest of my life. It just so happened that the one person I chose thought you could do better than me.

    I want to tell you that I will always love you, that I will always want that future with you.. As much as I wish that things had worked out differently, I want you to be happy. And if me out of your life makes you happy then so be it; that’s all I want for you. I wish you had been more willing to work us out of the rut we were in, but it’s guys nature to turn away when things get hard. I understand that.

    I guess what I am trying to say with this is that I understand, and that I don’t hate you. It would be much easier to say that I hated you, and that I’ve moved on. But I don’t and I won’t. I know that I will always love you, and that should you ever come back to me I would be there in an instant. You are the one for me, but you are also the one who left. And for that I can never forgive myself. For whatever I did to drive you away, I am sorry. I wish that I could have been better for you. I wish I could have been everything that you wanted and needed, as you were for me.

    Always,