• are you worth this pain?!

    by  • May 20, 2013 • 0 Comments

    With you I never know if I should just say it or keep it… I get too many different feelings on just one day, it’s confusing. You are one of the not to many people in this world that I don’t understand well, I can never tell how you fell, or if you are being

    Read more →

    “cherry O baby”

    by  • May 20, 2013 • 0 Comments

    Hey gorgeous, If you’re wondering why I haven’t kept texting you constantly or anything is because I know you are going through something at the minute and it must be really tough, I hope you are ok and if you’re not then just let me know i’m always here for you. Don’t worry i’m still

    Read more →

    I know that will never happen.

    by  • May 20, 2013 • 0 Comments

    Everything reminds me of us.
    The familiar roads we took.
    The cute restaurants we went to.
    The bar we had a drink at.
    The movies we watched together.

    And every time I’m reminded of you,
    I’m also reminded that a little part of me died when you left.

    I guess everyone goes through this.
    And they get over it.

    I’m just afraid I’ll be stuck here forever,
    when you have moved on already.

    I wish you could just call me right now and tell me you love me.
    And that you’ve made a terrible mistake.

    But I know that will never happen…

    bubbly

    by  • May 20, 2013 • 2 Comments

    “Bubbly”

    I’ve been awake for a while now
    You’ve got me feelin’ like a child now
    ‘Cause every time I see your bubbly face
    I get the tingles in a silly place

    [Chorus:]
    It starts in my toes
    And I crinkle my nose
    Wherever it goes
    I always know
    That you make me smile
    Please stay for a while now
    Just take your time
    Wherever you go

    The rain is falling on my window pane
    But we are hiding in a safer place
    Under covers staying dry and warm
    [Another version of the song says: "Under covers staying safe and warm"]
    You give me feelings that I adore

    [Chorus]
    They start in my toes
    Make me crinkle my nose
    Wherever it goes
    I always know
    That you make me smile
    Please stay for a while now
    Just take your time
    Wherever you go

    But what am I gonna say
    When you make me feel this way?
    I just mmmmm

    And it starts in my toes
    Makes me crinkle my nose
    Wherever it goes
    I always know
    That you make me smile
    Please stay for a while now
    Just take your time
    Wherever you go

    Dada dumdudum dumdadadadadum
    Ohbodododododododum mmm mmm

    I’ve been asleep for a while now
    You tuck me in just like a child now
    ‘Cause every time you hold me in your arms
    I’m comfortable enough to feel your warmth

    And it starts in my soul
    And I lose all control
    When you kiss my nose
    The feeling shows
    ‘Cause you make me smile, baby
    Just take your time now
    Holdin’ me tight

    Wherever wherever wherever you go
    Wherever wherever wherever you go

    Wherever you go
    I always know
    ‘Cause you make me smile

    hysterec-tomy

    by  • May 20, 2013 • 0 Comments

    Things:
    1. You give some good lovin’, Dr. G. Thank you for tonight. Looking forward to our partnership : ) You are wonderful.
    2. You were a really cute kid. Your smile hasn’t changed at all. It lights up your whole face. Also, everyone knows that chubby babies are the cutest babies. duh.
    3. Land Before Time? Supergorge? bird conference?
    4. I stand by my original assessment of you. You are the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. Inside and out. and you have perfect facial features, shut up.
    5. I really liked watching GOT with you
    6. Tell your Nini I really loved her rendition of Over the Rainbow. She is a good friend to you.
    7. I’m glad you asked me to clarify some of the things I was saying tonight. Sometimes I worry that I’m not communicating clearly/you misunderstand me. If you want to keep involving Tranio, speak up.
    8. I love it when you are happy. Especially if I think I had anything to do with making you happy. Makes me feel all bubblygooeytwitterpated-y.
    9. Isn’t being on the same page lovely? “Let’s stay here Forevvvvvvverrrrrrrrrr”-couch
    10. Have I mentioned lately that I adore you? cuz I do.
    Love you.

    It’s not getting easier.

    by  • May 20, 2013 • 0 Comments

    Every morning I wake up the first thing on my mind is you. It has been for the past 2 years, and just because we broke up doesn’t seem to change that.
    I wonder if you even miss any part of me.
    I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough for you, it’s painful knowing that I could have done a better job.
    I miss the friendship we used to share.
    I didn’t just lose a lover, but my very best friend in the world.
    And it’s not getting any easier to deal with.
    I want to tell you how I feel but I don’t want to annoy you any more than I probably already have. We’re in a good place, I wouldn’t want to ruin that.
    But I’m this close to risking it for the sake of knowing that you might miss me a little tiny bit too..
    The reason I don’t is because I’m more afraid that you don’t miss me at all.
    I’m honestly trying my very best to get over you, it’s just very hard.
    And I hate not seeing you.

    The Old Me

    by  • May 20, 2013 • 0 Comments

    I certainly miss the old me.

    It sucked, trust me, it sure did to be who I was. But I was strong, the things I went through made me strong.

    I was a really hopeful kid, I’m telling you. I believed in people, I believed in myself, I had enough courage to stand up to anyone who treated others horribly.

    Well, all except the person who controlled my life. The one thing that I might have hated about my old self was knowing I hated at all. Hate feeds on hate, and that’s the truth. I thought horrible things about that person, when I really should have been focusing on other things.

    I see clearly now, forgiving them. They let me live a lonely life, with fear, and I know what it’s like. I could never shake that from me; the worst thing anyone can go through is the feeling of having absolutely no one to confide in, to cry on, to even touch.

    My leaving would have made my abuser lonely; they, who gave me a taste of hell, I couldn’t do back.

    The old me would have been fine with leaving them with the same destiny they were going to put me through.

    I am ashamed of that.

    But there are good points and bad points of both the past and present.

    The past was the me who would never give up. The impossible was possible; my mind was such a beautiful thing then. You can’t tell at all–it’s what dreams thrived on. What people would call childish was possible to me.

    I mean, I don’t get it. Who are we to say what’s the right path of life and what isn’t? Who are we to instil fear into our future generations, telling them that what awaits their future is a cruel, cold world full of violence and half-hearted romances filled with greed and mind-numbing activities?

    You gotta admit–the reason why so many messed up young adults are turning up is because of us. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people complain about previous generations; but that’s the problem. You complain, but you do nothing to raise a child right.

    For heaven’s sake, dreams were a possibility. They always have been. The innocence in a child could continue living even when we’ve become brittle and old. No, a child’s innocence doesn’t mean immaturity. Have you seen artists’ vivid colors splayed on their canvas? That’s a child’s innocence. Have you read a tale that brought you to tears because it was able to move your heart? That’s the innocence. A real, bright smile is the innocence.

    I have lost everything.

    Don’t let others lose everything too.

    something is wrong

    by  • May 20, 2013 • 0 Comments

    I know I’m on the rebound, hard-core rebound. I feel really fucked up and stupid right now. Bare with me, please be gentle with me because I know how dumb I’m going to sound.

    I miss my ex, I really do. But that is all blurred away by this new kid. He is six years younger than me. I feel so comfortable around him, though, even more comfortable than I was around my ex at first. He’s funny, caring, sweet to me. We haven’t done anything yet. But what is really getting to me is how much I want to spend time with him. It’s really messing with my head. i’m usually just chill if I’m not texting a lot or even if plans fall through. But tonight we were supposed to hang out and it’s really bothering me that we couldn’t. I know I”m just lonely and not over my last relationship, and I know that I really need to get over it before I jump into this one. But damn, this rebound is so difficult. I really want to hang out with this guy so bad! I am so so so dumb right now. Ugh. I just want to get back to normal already.

    Probably doesn’t help that my life is so unstable. This kid just makes me feel cared for, like we have a weird little connection going on where for whatever reason he likes the parts of me that I like the most, and he just inherently knew those things about me.

    It’s easy to idealize things in this state of mind, I know. And that’s probably exactly what I’m doing and this is going to be worse for me in the long run. Doesn’t help that I idealize things even when I’m in a normal state of mind.

    Is it such a bad thing, to want to be loved? I haven’t been in love or felt someone love me in so long (my ex and I weren’t in love even though I cared for him very much).

    This sucks. I suck. :( I know i’m smarter than this but I don’t know why I can’t just be a little stronger.