• fighter

    by  • April 16, 2014 • 0 Comments

    I have never told anybody the true meaning behind my tattoo. And mostly it’s because I have never really wanted to open up and talk about it before. but now I am ready to share my story. I have a tattoo on my right upper thigh that says “fighter” with a simple line drawing of

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    To My Best Friend:

    by  • April 16, 2014 • 0 Comments

    It shouldn’t surprise me, yet here I am, stuck. I am here deciding if I should tell you. You have been there for me constantly. While other girls get easily bored by my interests or get frustrated with my stubbornness, you don’t. We have spent so many nights staying up late just talking about any

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    Twin Soul

    by  • April 15, 2014 • 0 Comments

    Youre my twin soul. My twin flame. I feel your thoughts and I feel your pain. My soulmate. I wish it weren’t true. Why does “The One” have to be you?

    you’re sick, but I love you

    by  • April 15, 2014 • 0 Comments

    Dear Narcissistic Mother, I love you no matter what, unfortunately, you never instilled that feeling within me. It’s taken me most of my life to figure out that not everything is my fault, though admittedly I still feel the guilt of everything. No one would ever be able to imagine all the fucked up things you have done over a lifetime, don’t worry…your secrets will stay with me…or anonymous. I come to realize that you intervened with all my interpersonal relationships. Granted my choice of a man was not always perfect, it is my right to fail, besides…I refused to let my children grow up in a violent, abusive home. You didn’t do the same for us. I’m sorry grandma didn’t protect you, God rest her soul, but what in the fuck was wrong with her, she allowed the ripples to roll through the decades. I’m proud of my sister, even though I don’t have much of a relationship with her…I believe she maybe much better off without you. You had no right to ever yell at her husband. Your sick and twisted ways never cease to amaze me. Of course you would want me to get back with my ex, you could manipulate and control him, and you know I would never be happy with him. You don’t want me to be happy anyways. I never realized that was really your true intention. It kills me inside, but I have to learn to not take it personal, after all. You can’t help that you are sick. I hate feeling defeated, helpless, and hopeless. I pray God won’t condemn me to hell, and often times I feel everything would be better if I just wasn’t here. You’re right, I should have never been born.

    SCREW YOU

    by  • April 15, 2014 • 0 Comments

    Four years… Four years of an immature relationship. You used to treat me like I was the love of you’r life, and I should have realized long ago that that man was gone. I don’t know where he went but this new one is one of the worst people I have ever met. I don’t know how I said I loved you, because I don’t. I love the idea of you. What did I do to deserve this treatment. I have always been there, respected you and nothing in return. I will never go back to you. You’ve ruined me, it’s like a bad story where people can’t watch the screen.
    Four years out the window and all you say is oh ok bye. WHAT DID I DO? Why do you think you have the power to treat someone like that who has only ever tried to fix us.
    You have no power over me anymore. It is all over. I will grieve for some time, I see you are not, but I will only become stronger after this. and guess what

    FUCK YOU

    Goodbye

    by  • April 15, 2014 • 0 Comments

    A tornado flew around my room before you came, excuse the mess it made it usually doesn’t rain in southern california much like arizona.

    My eyes don’t shed tears. but girl, they bawl. When i’m thinkin bout you. I’ve been thinkin bout you, i’ve been thinkin bout you. do you think about me still? Do you?

    No, i don’t like you, i just thought you were cool enough to kick it got a beach house I could sell you in idaho. since you think I don’t love you,i just thought you were cute that’s why I kissed you.

    It’s been 10 months since you left us, we have no idea where have you been, how are you, what are you doin. The fact is, I still think about you occasionally, almost everyday. But no, i don’t miss you. To be honest, i want to forget everything about you. Now that i realize some wounds can never be healed. Now, i’m trying to get used to the pain, i guess that’s the only way to deal with life.

    Do you miss me? do you miss us? wherever you are now. Your soul is free now, that’s what you dreamed for. Right? Only god knows all the answers.

    They said, we’ll have flashbacks before death. I wondered if my face comes in your mind. I didn’t visit you in the icu room, your sister said your boyfriend will be there. I wanted to of course, I was dying to visit. I don’t know and I won’t know if your sister did as i told, kiss your hand. That’s what I’d do if i were there. She told me to leave you forever when you’re conscious and I agreed. That was the plan we’ve made week before you’re hospitalized, but you left without goodbyes after 5 days in icu.

    I was numb, or should i say. I’m numb. Still numb. I don’t know how is your boyfriend/fiance and the love of your life, your ex. You love your ex the most don’t you? I know that, although you never tell anyone.

    Me and my ex broke up again, weeks after your departure.

    Even if i had the chance to tell you how i feel, you’d still pick him.
    Yes, that’s the truth and I’m okay with that.

    Dear you, wherever you are now. I wish you well and I’d pray for your family’s happiness as long as i’m still here. breathing. Goodbye, I hope we’ll never meet again, let’s just be strangers in next life.

    It’s over

    by  • April 15, 2014 • 0 Comments

    Your heart breaks, and my tears fall, when your knuckles hit the nearby wall. I slid the blade across my skin, wondering, “when will all this end?” You took a drink, didn’t stop to think, and you called my number drunk. Crying, screaming–never ceasing. Always lying, never trying, and all the while our love is dying; To believe or not believe. All I feel is hurt and pain, I’m lost with no direction. Hateful words were all you said, till all you heard was silence.

    still not fine

    by  • April 15, 2014 • 0 Comments

    Don’t know when I will ever get over you. It’s becoming a reaLization. And my daughter still thinks you are coming back because you said you loved her, since her first words and steps..

    And that’s really why I cry. Still.

    is it really over?

    by  • April 15, 2014 • 0 Comments

    This is the last thing i should be doing but fuck it. Basically I am still in love with you. I hate that your dating that girl, especially when you told me you still love and think about me…that i was the one.

    The only reason why i gave up on us is because its what everyone else thought was right… you think you regret it, guess how much i do? They were probably right, you didn’t treat me right and after we ended things you continued your reckless ways, fucking with my life as you pleased.

    You have no idea how much i needed you that year, but how could i turn to you? Every action you made seemed like an attack my way. As if i wasn’t fragile enough… as if you didn’t know that. Did you have fun destroying me? I was so young.

    I left you because I refused to be a fool, someone who would stay in an unhealthy relationship because they were controlled by love. I don’t regret that decision, it terrifies me to think of what could have happened if we stayed together.

    But just know this, behind all the chaos, under the ugly mess that lingers, I am still completely in love with you. So I am asking you to call me… tell me it isn’t over… and ill leave him. Nothing could ever compare to being with you… god knows i have tried. Your it.

    A

    To be or not to be..

    by  • April 15, 2014 • 0 Comments

    I made a mistake. I don’t love him. You mean more to me than anyone else ever will! I love you with all of my heart…you’re the guy i wanted to spend the rest of my life with! I don’t know how to tell you how sorry i am because i can never find the right words. I wanted to up and kill myself after he and i messed around….i almost did too….our decision affected not only us, but you and Caroline as well. I’ve got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and i don’t know how to get rid of it. I know you say that you still love me, but do you really? How could you love me when i lied straight to your face?! How could you love me after i broke your heart and tried to cover it up?! Why would you even want to try again….