• Love

    by  • September 22, 2017 • 0 Comments

    Love is one of the most powerful emotions on earth and it can in any sense literally move mountains. Sometimes my desire to be with you overwhelms me so, that it shatters all logic or any sense of clarity or reality for that matter. And this I want so desperately to feel and experience with

    Magnetism

    by  • September 22, 2017 • 0 Comments

    I love looking at you. And then when you notice and stare back, it sends goosebumps down my spine. I love being close to you. I can feel the staticity, if that’s even a word. I feel the magnetic pull that seems to pull me closer to you if that’s even possible. I don’t feel

    Things I Want to Tell You

    by  • September 22, 2017 • 0 Comments

    To you,

    It’s been a little over two years since I’ve written on here. Just wanted to get things off my chest. Over the past two years, I’ve grown smarter and I’ve grown wiser, yet none of that rids me of the pain of loving you. You are still a constant in my mind no matter what I do. What should I do? It’s been six long years of being tortured by my feelings, and inadvertently by you. Sometimes when we are together, I can sense that you feel the way I feel. Then we don’t see each other for long periods of time and I start to doubt those thoughts. I’m always the first to initiate plans to spend some time together. Still waiting for the day that you initiate. That would mean that you miss me, but of course, not as much as I miss you. If it were up to me, I would see you every day of the week. I’m hardly a clingy or jealous person, but look what you have done. I don’t recognize myself these days. You have a friend that I know you constantly hang out with. I don’t dare to say it but I’m jealous of him. He’s known you longer than I have and you two are close. You once told me that he was just a really good friend and there could never be any romantic entanglements between you two. When you said this, I felt like you were purposely reassuring me of something. Watching your interactions with him though, tells me a different story. It seems to me like he really likes you and genuinely cares for you. I’m afraid to lose you. What if one day you return those feelings? What if I’m too late? I don’t know how to get closer to you. Tell me how. If you ever end up with someone else, I’m not sure what I would do. I do know that if that happens, it would completely destroy me. Yes, you have that power and that’s the scariest part. This is the reason I keep people at arms length but you broke through somehow. Sometimes I feel it is because we are soulmates. The only things that may be keeping us apart are myself and my fears. I think I’ve shown you without words how much you mean to me. Please just give me a sign. It’s your move.

    Love,
    -N

    tell me who are you and where are you?

    by  • September 22, 2017 • 0 Comments

    Last May 12th when i saw you in the airport during our long transit i really liked watching you while you just sitting there alone listening your music on phone i didn’t expect you to make me feel that way , you just talked about everything in life in few hours and you changed so many things in me i didn’t realize im falling in you till i just went to my seat on the plane i had strong feelings to back just to hug you and i didn’t even ask you where you from but you really left a big love just started when you disappeared please where are you im just listening to your songs everyday and there’s no way to contact you or send you message by anyhow i hope you’re happy in your new place and yes as you said nothing impossible as much as we’re still alive everything always possible till our last breathe if we never give up on trying to make it possible
    i Just feel like you were a dream or just time traveler your points of view about life your style your music your politeness and your manhood
    im simply falling in all of you …. if you saw this message please contact me remember i show you my Facebook on your phone try to find me in search history or even leave me a comment here if you can . im back to Ukraine already now not in U.S. anymore.

    please contact me again .

    Dominika.

    A Second Chance

    by  • September 21, 2017 • 0 Comments

    Saturday.

    That’s the day you say you will decide. He’ll take you to a restaurant I could never afford. He’ll take you back to his house (host likely) that I could never give you. How can I hope to compete with that?

    History? Maybe. Our history is full of pain I caused. Realizing too late what I had until it was gone. No, that’s not true. I always knew what I had, and what I was letting go. I was scared to raise kids again. That’s the truth. The haunting thing is, the night you went out with him and this all started, was the night I realized this is what I wanted. Our little blended family. I was going to tell you when you got home that night from your ‘work thing.’ I wish I would have. Instead I heard about you two fucking. Still I should have spoken up. It didn’t mean anything. We had been broken up for a few months.

    So now it comes down to Saturday and you will know what you want. I don’t think I stand a chance. Mostly because last night you told me that you had absolutely zero emotional attachment to me anymore. That he made you feel better about yourself than I ever did. So I processed it, went to bed, realized it was really over and started to try and heal and move on.

    Then today you texted me in the morning and said you were sorry, that it wasn’t true. That I did make you feel loved. Doubt that fixes the emotional attachment part. Maybe it’s a crack in the armor. You don’t know what you would get with him. The 43 year old boy who’s never been married. Never lived with anyone else. That guy is going to know how to comfort your boys? He’s going to just figure out how to put himself last? Maybe. Maybe he can, and this is your forever, and I was only a tourist in your heart. If so, so be it. I will have to live with that. You don’t know what you will get with him.

    But you know what you would get with me. Devotion, love, honor, care, laughter, desire, friendship (God we have a special friendship. You say you want to keep that, but I can’t be around you if you choose him. At least not for a while.), family, adventure. You said I was the safe choice last night. Your boys love me. I love them. The thought of telling them I have to move out hurts me as much as when Jess left me for Ryan and I had to tell my own girls that I couldn’t live there any longer.

    L wants me to be his dad. He told me so. It came up on the way to school the other day. I never would tell you this, because I don’t want you to think I am manipulating you. If you choose me, I want it to be because you chose me totally and willingly. But I want to be his dad. I want to be there for all of it. Games, back to school nights, birthday parties, holidays, family things, every gad damn last one I would be there for.

    The worst part is, I know if we do have to break his heart – that it won’t be your fault for choosing Chris – it will be my fault for freaking out in the first place.

    I never stopped loving you in all this. Ever. Even when you rubbed it in my face to try and hurt me to get over you. That’s why it hurts so much. Because I wasn’t lying a few weeks after I met you that I wanted to marry you. And I’m not lying now when I tell you I want to marry you.

    I don’t know how I am ever going to get over you.

    I’m going to spend the next two days being normal at the house. Acting like my insides are not on fire. Making it the sanctuary you want it to be. Playing with the boys like nothing is wrong. But I am going to spend Saturday night, in the house by myself, praying that he says something stupid, does something wrong, that you realize that it’s me you want, and begging to hear the door open.

    But something tells me when I wake up Sunday morning and see your empty bed when I walk out the door, that I’ll know that I will have to live with the guilt of knowing I destroyed the best 3 things that ever walked into my life.

    It’s not going to be easy.

    Time will go on, I’ll mend, I may meet a girl or two. I may even get laid a few times.

    But I will never let anyone in the way I let you in. Ever again. I will regret being stupid and careless with your heart for the rest of my life. There are no words in this language or any language on the planet, past or present that can express just how truly sorry I am, how amazingly beautiful you are, how much I love you and your kids.

    I miss you already and it hurts so badly. So very badly.

    I love you, I’ll see you tonight, and do my best to be normal. To walk around like my heart is still beating, when it’s not.

    And I’ll get up in the morning, take the boy to school, have him tell me he’s happy that I am going to be his dad, wait until he gets out of the car, try not to cry, head to work, and do it all over again.

    But the next day, is Saturday.

    And by Sunday, I may never have the chance to do any of that again.

    I’m sorry.

    I love you.

    I think I’m okay! (WvR)

    by  • September 21, 2017 • 2 Comments

    Day 2, and I think I’m okay
    Not telling you how gorgeous you are,
    It’s so hard not to say!

    But I really feel calm, almost relieved.
    Like an enormous weight is lift of my shoulders.
    The weight of the love I had to carry for both of us.
    The weight of the decision I had to make.

    My heart seems okay with the choice my head has made.
    Maybe I’m not so bad and dark after all.
    Just maybe my soul is saved by letting you go.

    Go and live your life.
    Go and love your wife!

    suicide

    by  • September 21, 2017 • 1 Comment

    hey this is for anyone going through depression or struggling in life. yes it’s hard and yes you will get through it.it may take some time but, it will be 100% worth it in the end, trust me. Don’t go killing yourself cause your done with the pain.Go seek help and get through it. Like my friend once told me killing yourself isn’t worth it. she’s totally right. i love u so much for her great advice. U have you whole future ahead of u..plz don’t give it all away.

    I messed up

    by  • September 21, 2017 • 2 Comments

    here’s to you, the love of my life,

    I regret ever saying the words “i just don’t feel the same anymore.” I was selfish, i was being led by others and let their decisions go to my mind and consume me. I let them and i did not let you. Everything we shared, the kisses, the hugs, the midnight calls, when you were crying and i cheered you up. When i was depressed and you did everything to help me feel better. We were perfect despite our differences, but different was so unique to us. We were a perfect balance, A yin yang, not beginning or end, but the middle. We weren’t cold nor hot, we were warm. Warm is how my heart felt whenever i was around you, but i was stupid in letting you go. I want to remain a friendship with you or at least start and fall in love with each other over again, but silly me messed everything up.
    I remember when you first kissed me, how you would look at me and just smile and wrap me in your arms. We would talk about the future and promised to last a long time and to lift each other up whenever something wasn’t right. We planned it all, but why did i do that? Why did I let go of someone who loved me for who I am, someone who cherished my flaws, someone whom will ask me to sing to them just for the sake of listening to my voice, someone who really believed in me and supported my dreams and my plans, someone who loved showing me around in front of everyone, someone who loved being with me and bombard me with “I Love You’s” Why did i let you go?
    With all my heart, soul, and mind,
    I Love You.