• saw you

    by  • October 21, 2014 • 0 Comments

    Just yesterday. Maybe you thought I didn’t see you at all. But you always catch my eye. Or maybe you didn’t see me at all. The thing is I think of you a hella lot. I check my mail everyday out of habit. I have no idea what to think. And is it stupid of

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    I can hate you now

    by  • October 21, 2014 • 0 Comments

    I’m so fucking relieved now knowing that I can hate you….you fucking bitch….I’ve done all I can to be an encouraging and supportive friend to you but you took all that and tossed it out the window because you had a boyfriend now husband….What the fuck is wrong with you? You had no right to betray all the years of friendship and trust that I’ve given you…..I honestly hope that later on down the road someone who you care about is going to treat you in the same way you treated me you god dam cunt and when that happens I can only wish I’ll be there to see it so I can laugh my ass off. As for us being friends in the future forget it….why the hell should I even consider keeping a worthless peice of shit like you around me.

    Rot in hell bitch and good riddance

    I ain’t sayin’ the S word, eh?!? I’m jus sayin.. I think this whole thing is stupid

    by  • October 21, 2014 • 0 Comments

    Sometimes I want to go home,
    Dad.

    It’s cold out here.

    My clothes n shoes –
    Dirty. Nnnm ripped…

    I’m fallin asleep with no dinner.

    I shrug it off, like, hey.
    Least we’re trim, eh, guys?
    And, like, the other kids I live with are even thinner than I am..

    One of my friends is out here because his mom got sick from cancer. passed away.. He sort of ran away, too, from his social worker crap, though.

    When I think about that,
    I wonder if I made a mistake
    by running away.
    I ain’t sayin’ the S word, eh?!? I’m jus sayin..

    He’s out here like I am
    because his parent died.
    Like. His parent is dead.
    Can’t have her back, no matter what.

    You an I are both alive,
    and I just left?
    We choose not to be family?

    Man.
    He’d do anythin to have his mom back.
    any reasons we had to be estranged seem stupid, sometimes.

    I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERY DAY NOW, DAD.
    IT’S NOT FUN OUT HERE, ANYMORE.

    I even miss goin to school, sometimes. That’s how stupid difficult it gets, us out here by ourselfs, eh?

    I wonder all the time
    what would you do
    if I pumped change into the library payphone and tried to reach you. Not that I kept your cell phone number. I don’t have any phone numbers anymore.

    Would I chicken out and hang up before I even said “hello?”

    Would you flip out at me, dad?

    I’d be like,
    It’s not an emergency, I promise.
    I’m just callin jus because, okay??

    Because I lo…..
    Because I.
    Because I’m sor….
    …..
    Because I’m very exhausted!!

    I wonder if I could jus go home for one meal,
    one night of sleeping safe
    in a real safe house.

    I want to see your face,
    because the last time I saw you,
    a year or so ago,
    I didn’t know what I would feel like,
    never seein it all the time.
    If that makes any sense.

    I know you say I don’t make sense.

    You’d be so disappointed in me, I know it. Sitting in front of the library, all dirty and tired,
    Strangers have swore at me before. They’ve spit on me before.

    Even if I did call you,
    I’m ten hours away.
    It wouldn’t do me any good.

    I’m jus sayin, I think
    This whole thing is stupid.
    I want to look at you an know you’re the same as when I left.
    I can’t barely survived out here without fishing more school.

    My hair is longer.
    I’m a bit taller.

    Not much good this past year. I’ve seen a lot of fugged up things.

    I don’t have a phone.
    I don’t have your number.
    I don’t have a mailbox.

    I’m ten hours away from you, dad,

    That’s too far for me to get home, now.

    What the eff am I sposed to do, now, dad?

    I want to go home.

    I’m too scared to reach out and say so.

    Workers at the youth center maybe would know what to say, but. I don’t say.

    Well. I hope you know,
    You prolly already know,
    Your street kiddo really really wants to go home and see you sometimes. I just wandered too far away.

    fuck

    by  • October 21, 2014 • 1 Comment

    I love you, asshole.
    Not for being a smart ass (makes me run).
    For what you are, when you are YOU.

    Your involuntarily plaything.

    daydrunk

    by  • October 21, 2014 • 0 Comments

    rain
    rain
    oh so much rain
    don’t complain
    wHEre’s mY brain
    MY dear
    don’t come back
    ever
    pLease
    cOme back
    neVer
    forEver
    i’m dying
    dying
    you should be crying
    watch me dying
    i hope you’re crying.
    wtf?
    crying!
    can we..?
    crying!!
    how long?
    FOREVER

    That which I have feared my entire life

    by  • October 21, 2014 • 0 Comments

    I think I actually love him.
    I never admitted to loving anyone as I always feared that they’d leave.
    But he’s the exception.
    When he smiles, my heart warms up.
    When he walks by, my stomach fills with butterflies.
    When he laughs at my jokes, walks beside me or even shows concern, I light up from within and words truly can’t describe how I’m feeling.
    he is everything I’ve asked for.
    He is everything I don’t deserve.
    He is perfect.
    He is actually perfect.

    He may not be mine in reality.
    But there will always be a place for him in my heart.

    I love you.
    I don’t know what love it, or what entails. I don’t know the extent of my feelings or how it got to this stage.
    All I know, is that one day, I wish to be able to tell you this in person. One day, I wish to get the love back from you.
    One day, from the bottom of my heart, I wish for us to be together.

    I love you.