Author: Anonymous

I love you with all my heart. You broke it when you walked away. What Am I supposed to do now, live life like you never existed before, why have you shut me out. I only was a parent that was taught what my parents taught me. I did the best I could to raise you. Sorry you feel it was not enough. I thought family works things out together. How long must I stay silent for you. I need you, how am I supposed to move on without you. Every day is harder and harder when I don’t hear from you.
J.W.U.T.K.I.W.A.L.Y, MOM

https://youtu.be/KCYUDBYpv0g?si=pUwnBHgvmUKbpgr6

The night before I had stayed up all night working on a portrait of my friends for their upcoming binding ceremony. I was pleased with my progress by the end of the night, feeling sure of their likeness. I had used two snapshots from the engagement party to splice together a solid foundation of them in front of the Black Sky flag.

When the eclipse came I was still intent on my studies and was only made aware of its occurrence when my neighbor messaged that my kid and I could share her glasses for viewing.

It was a pretty awesome sight. The air had a supernatural quality to it, and all the shadows cast on the ground splintered into thousands of tiny crescents. My child still talks about his excitement of the experience and I’m thankful my neighbor thought to remind us.
The following day my husband meets with a lawyer that his mom helped pitch for as added protection for the upcoming trial. The news is almost happy when he returns in that his attorney says there’s the possibility to move the trial forwards as a zoom call. If he can get all that chaos sorted appropriately with minimal timesuck, that’d be helpful.

Now I need to get my shit together to make sure the bachelor/bachelorette party at the axe throwing place goes on without issue this weekend. I’ve ordered little dragons and axes to decorate the treats . I’m pitched in some time to help the pride put together the shields and spears for the groomsmen and bridesmaids. ( the 3d prints that they’ve been building to their theme at home have been impressive. ) I feel like I’ve checked all the major duty fulfillment boxes but the bride also let me get by pretty easy in responsibilities, however I’ll probably still feel like I’m missing something and inadequate until after my part is done. How fun to get the bulk of her portrait done during the eclipse phase though, the symbolism manifested is quite satisfying.

I dreamt of you last night and decided to check up on you.
You’re married.
You got married.
I expected everything but that.
I thought…maybe…I thought maybe you’d come after me before any of that. And I realized you did try to reach me. You did…and I ignored you. I blocked you.
I lost you.
I see your pictures with her and you look so in love and happy.
That should’ve been me.
I let you go and I lost you.
My first love, you’ll always be.
I hope she loves you more than me.
I’ll always love you, Rich,

Love, Michy ❤️

That you deserved more than I was capable of offering

I understand that life is full of goodbye’s. I’m not too good to not suffer them. I look around at the wreckage. I stand still and try to take it in. My mind seems to be more civil and rational about what needs to be done to start and clean up the battlefield of life. My heart seems to hesitate at action. My heart is a coward. I’ve fallen prey to its fears deep rooted from the shell shock of all the conundrum and confusion life brings to war. As I stand under the night sky looking up to the free stars that shine there light I can’t help but feel the cool dark space that surrounds me like an enemy terrorist trying to get me to cave and tell them my next move at all cost. I won’t talk! Seems like my heart has a bit of courage left. I want to flee to a land wear I can learn to walk instead of crawl with the injuries war have left behind on my riddled body. Maybe this is what builds a soldier stronger? Being pealed back at like layers on an onion. You hit the core only to find it’s most bitter taste?
I want a fresh start.

-D-

Sometimes, I feel like I will never find the one. Especially when the one person I wanted, doesn’t want me.

Do you ever feel like you’re going to end up all alone?

It’s shades of grey for me
For you, a sin
For what it’s worth
I can’t wait for it to begin

The opening moves of a dance
Where we both touch hands
With twists and turns
Neither of us understands

And when it’s over
If it ever ends
I’ll take your hand in mine
And we can begin the dance again

I’m laying in bed listening to music you hate. I won’t torture you with a video. I know Chino sounds like nails across a chalkboard to you.

I miss you. I know that much is true.

Have you seen Good Omens? The back and forth between the two main characters reminds me a bit of us. It’s an absolute treat.

This is goodbye and it’s forever, I’m saying goodbye because I don’t love you anymore, I don’t want to be with you anymore, we won’t have a spectacular night every 5 months, I won’t greet you on your birthday or buy you an expensive gift, I won’t see you happy anymore. You chose what you chose and it will be a problem with yourself. I can’t do anything anymore. I miss our short friendship of 6 months. I loved it, you know? But thank you for giving me love at the worst time. Thank you for saving me from the worst. Thank you for being there on that horrible birthday.