I thought no one could ever hurt me that bad again but I was wrong. I am such a fool. The writing has been on the wall for at least a month now. To think I’ve been actually trying to hold it all in, give you space. I knew exactly what you were doing the whole time, not that you’ll even tell me the truth now when the whole world knows. You couldn’t even be discreet. I had to unfollow you on socials because it was just another big fuck you to me almost every day. You chose everyone over me. Him, all of your friends, people you don’t even talk to anymore. You never missed an opportunity to remind me how unimportant I was to you. Did I freak out about you blowing up my phone for a week about your dog food, even though you weren’t actually home the entire time, because in your haste to grab your stuff the last time we were together you forgot it? And your coat…in February. I bet you couldn’t even tell me what you left here. You couldn’t last time. But you made sure to grab your lingerie and sex toys. Was it barely even 24 hours before you had brought them over the most recent time I had to save you from him? We didn’t even use any of it, and still had the best sex we’ve ever had the night before you left. No, but I can’t be upset even though this clearly affects me pretty significantly. Im just walking on eggshells with you after all the lying and betrayal and gaslighting. I never even said anything to you because you’d just throw that in my face and tell me its none of my business and I’m being creepy and thats why you don’t want to see me. Or text me in the middle of the night with crazy accusations from some random number like I should be scared of your little chihuahua of a bf. Extra points for intentionally misspelling “stalking” as “stocking” so I might actually believe it was him texting me as you from his phone because you always told me how stupid he is. Nice try, but I already have his number, remember? From work?
There’s so much more I need to say but probably will now never get the chance to. I am so in love with you J, and you ripped my heart out into shreds like your dog with the toy I got her. Twice in the last month. Despite his tremendous and never ending list of sins, you will never stop going back to him. I wish you would’ve given me even 10% what you give him. That doesn’t matter now. I guess I’ll just have to take the pain and wait until the next time you call me, terrified and beat up, to come get you.
Until then, all my love.