Dear Me

Dear Me,

Finally, a letter you are writing that will reach its intended audience. It’ll be there before you click submit. There’s a lot of things I need to say to you. Things you know but constantly dismiss. Well you’re gonna hear them, real stream of consciousness style.

Ramsey style “first things first let’s get one thing clear”, you are awesome. You tell yourself youre a piece of shit all day, everyday, because that’s how the people you love treat you for the most part. Their loss, like do you even get it? No one has any idea the isolation and loneliness you’ve felt on a daily basis for so long, how one kind word from a gas station attendant brings you to tears because it’s the only real human interaction you’ve had in weeks maybe longer. How your only peace comes when you sleep so you sleep all day because when you’re awake you hate every moment of your life so you drink til you can sleep and sleep til you can drink. That how’s years of your life disappear like SNAP. But you don’t get it because you are still so young, when everyone turned their backs on you it made you so strong, so resilient and that is your superpower, you are one tough sonuvabitch. Did the loneliness break you, hell yeah so so long ago but you stayed alive and kept even the faintest ember of hope for a better future alive with you when so many would’ve given up. Lord knows you tried, but that’s when that one kind word, or that one just good day, renewed your strength just enough to soldier on like em said “these shoulders hold up so much they won’t budge, I’ll never fall or fold up”. You used to love those old highlights of Chang v Lendl in the 89 French or Jimmy Connors in the quarters of the 91 Open because those dudes, one young one old, they were just straight dogs who got the job done no matter what and you, man you lived your whole life like that. Never giving up, rising up against crazy odds, prevailing by the skin of your teeth, survive and advance to fight another day. And yeah it drives you crazy that other people don’t understand how exhausting that was, fighting for every

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