i know-knew you

Your full name is Cooper James N—–. Your father’s name is Jeff, your mother’s Chrystal, and your brother’s Josh. You used to have two cats, but now there’s only one and her name may or may not be Sassy. Either way, from all you’ve told me, describing her that way suits her as well. You live in a weird living room basement thing, but if you had the choice, you’d be at your family lake house in Washington. You think money tears people apart, especially when given the situation of winning the lottery in which you wouldn’t want your parents to deal with it all. Because that’s just the type of person you are. The type to not recognize a blessing under all its imperfections.
You like mayo with your sandwiches and would pick chocolate ice cream over vanilla. Even if strawberry was an option. Despite having proper transportation, you still probably wouldn’t get takeout that often. Not just because it’s “unhealthy” though. You barely ever eat breakfast yet tease me for not having dinner. Your mother doesn’t like naps so you try not to take them, though it’s happened accidentally a few times. Sleep? For the weak, you would say. I believe in the contrary however.
What a surprise.
You think your hair is your best feature but in reality it’s your eyes. Or maybe your nose. Or your smile. Either way, they’re all perfectly you. The skin on your hands cracks almost immediately after showers if you don’t use lotion. Mine are almost the same way.
Because of your dry skin, you don’t get acne too often, but when you do, you think it falters your appearance. It doesn’t, by the way.
It’s almost impossible for you to pick a favourite thing. No matter it be book, song, artist, etc. I should know. I’ve asked several times. However, Lord of the Rings or Back to the Future are most definitely your favourite movies. There are hundreds of better options, but supposedly a movie does not need romance to be good. (Even though it kinda does.) I think your favourite TV show is The Office from the sheer amount of times you’ve watched it. Then again, it could be an anime.
You drive a dark gray truck. Don’t ask me what type. Though, if I saw it, I’d know in an instant it was yours. The truck was from your grandmother’s. You actually have three. I’m not sure which one this is. I’ve never witnessed your driving ability, but I bet you’re careful. Because you’re not the type to get into a wreck or two. Besides having a car, your other mode of transportation is your bike. Your super expensive bike that your uncle convinced your mom to get; after all, he was the one who partly got you into the hobby.
Your childhood best friends were first Jamey A—-, then Karsten. Now you’re not as close with either of them. Supposedly I was your best friend for a period of time too. Not that I believe that now anyway.
Ok maybe just a little.
Video games are your favourite way of destressing after a long day; osu and Valorant were your favourites when we spoke last. You were so excited when I bought Minecraft that day, and it’s a shame we never played. Though, maybe I was spared a few hours of humiliation as well.
The personality test I made you take in 7th grade ruled you as an ISTJ. I was surprised you took it and even more surprised as that’s what I had gotten too. An introvert who plans too much, focuses on the little, and uses logic over their feelings. Back then, I thought that would be the reason we didn’t work. But I guess I changed. And so did you.
You’re much more of an on-the-fly person now. And you like to say you need someone to keep you organized and planned, but in truth it bothers you when there’s a little too much control. Apparently, I never knew the old you. The one who was never relaxed and always stressed about everything. When I asked why you simply said: it was before I met you.
Confidence and arrogance are one in the same for you. Whatever you’re good at also becomes your greatest weakness. I guess the better phrase would be “building up your ego”. It doesn’t help that you’re constantly reminded of how technologically skilled and smart you are; I myself have contributed to that endless barrel of praise, until now of course.
Much as we all do, you desire to have love and be loved, yet I haven’t ever been sure if you’re capable of it. Your ‘like’ has always been my ‘love’ and that’s dangerous for our time together. When we were 12, you told me that the only female you could love was your mother. Back then I didn’t-couldn’t believe it; 4 years later I’ve realized it was the most honest you’ve been.
Morally, I don’t know where I’d place you. There is the beauty of goodness inside of you; the kind that truly cares about the people you surround. Unfortunately, negativity has created a cloud of darkness over your light, and I’m not sure if it’s the type you can so easily remove. Negativity and the people you surround yourself with that is.
But lastly to be described is your heart. It spoke the same language as mine. And when they conversed, as all beautiful and loving hearts do, mine took note. Of every flow to the tips of your fingers as they dashed across the keyboard, to the mouth which curved every time we spoke, to the hair of your arms spiking at every racy word, and to the head that carried even a copy of my own. These notes, these scribbles are fragments of who I thought you to be. They are a relic of time, much like the language of our hearts was. So when someone mentions Cooper James N—–, I resist the urge to say “I know-” as it is now closer to “I knew”. I knew you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.