More Than Sex

Dear T,
I know I have said this in the recent past, several times…but ill say it again. The only time that you want to hold me close…the only time that you want to kiss me…the only time you want to make me feel loved thru showing me some affection…is when we have sex. Other than that…and even immediately following you cumming, that affection is gone and I’m immediately back to being alone and unwanted. It is YOU who trained me to believe that in order to feel like I matter to you is to have sex with you. So when you won’t do anything with me like watch a show with me, go somewhere with me, talk to me or even be around me while I watch you do it all and then some with everyone around us except for me….can you blame me for wanting to have sex all of the time if its the only thing that makes me feel like I exist or matter even a little bit to you in your world? Especially after putting myself out there to turn you on night after night and getting absolutely zero reaction out of you and feeling rejected more often then I get to have the affection I desire from you? At this point, sex isn’t even excluded from the list of things that you do with me that is only for me. You want sex as often as I do. Just not with me because like everything else….thats reserved for someone else and not me and the fact that you really expect me to believe your innocent when not even you can give me a reason to believe that and are choosing to act like what I said to you the other night was never said and completely ignore the whole situation is fucking torture on me and has changed the way i see you in every way that it could. All because you refuse to talk to me and own it. For what? It can’t be fear because I ALREADY KNOW and the fact that you reject me and treat me the way you do over it when all I want is to feel loved by you has really shown me how little of a conscience you have and how much of my life I have wasted on lies that YOU told. You not owning it is destroying me. I’m gonna show you that its not sex that I want every night and that its more than that since you can’t seem to take the time to understand me…or know me. But don’t be surprised when I fail. You will personally see to it that i do fail like you have with everything else. I told you that you wouldn’t have to worry about seeing me naked anymore aka I’ve given up on the only way you have taught me to be able to get affection from you. So when we completely fall apart and become total strangers to each other, even more so than we already are just remember that what I wanted was to feel loved by you…what’s your excuse?
Truly Yours (for now)
– Brown Eyez