Day: November 15, 2023

I dreamt of you last night and decided to check up on you.
You’re married.
You got married.
I expected everything but that.
I thought…maybe…I thought maybe you’d come after me before any of that. And I realized you did try to reach me. You did…and I ignored you. I blocked you.
I lost you.
I see your pictures with her and you look so in love and happy.
That should’ve been me.
I let you go and I lost you.
My first love, you’ll always be.
I hope she loves you more than me.
I’ll always love you, Rich,

Love, Michy ❤️

That you deserved more than I was capable of offering

I understand that life is full of goodbye’s. I’m not too good to not suffer them. I look around at the wreckage. I stand still and try to take it in. My mind seems to be more civil and rational about what needs to be done to start and clean up the battlefield of life. My heart seems to hesitate at action. My heart is a coward. I’ve fallen prey to its fears deep rooted from the shell shock of all the conundrum and confusion life brings to war. As I stand under the night sky looking up to the free stars that shine there light I can’t help but feel the cool dark space that surrounds me like an enemy terrorist trying to get me to cave and tell them my next move at all cost. I won’t talk! Seems like my heart has a bit of courage left. I want to flee to a land wear I can learn to walk instead of crawl with the injuries war have left behind on my riddled body. Maybe this is what builds a soldier stronger? Being pealed back at like layers on an onion. You hit the core only to find it’s most bitter taste?
I want a fresh start.

-D-

Sometimes, I feel like I will never find the one. Especially when the one person I wanted, doesn’t want me.

Do you ever feel like you’re going to end up all alone?

It’s shades of grey for me
For you, a sin
For what it’s worth
I can’t wait for it to begin

The opening moves of a dance
Where we both touch hands
With twists and turns
Neither of us understands

And when it’s over
If it ever ends
I’ll take your hand in mine
And we can begin the dance again

I’m laying in bed listening to music you hate. I won’t torture you with a video. I know Chino sounds like nails across a chalkboard to you.

I miss you. I know that much is true.

Have you seen Good Omens? The back and forth between the two main characters reminds me a bit of us. It’s an absolute treat.

This is goodbye and it’s forever, I’m saying goodbye because I don’t love you anymore, I don’t want to be with you anymore, we won’t have a spectacular night every 5 months, I won’t greet you on your birthday or buy you an expensive gift, I won’t see you happy anymore. You chose what you chose and it will be a problem with yourself. I can’t do anything anymore. I miss our short friendship of 6 months. I loved it, you know? But thank you for giving me love at the worst time. Thank you for saving me from the worst. Thank you for being there on that horrible birthday.