I dreamt of you last night and decided to check up on you.
You’re married.
You got married.
I expected everything but that.
I thought…maybe…I thought maybe you’d come after me before any of that. And I realized you did try to reach me. You did…and I ignored you. I blocked you.
I lost you.
I see your pictures with her and you look so in love and happy.
That should’ve been me.
I let you go and I lost you.
My first love, you’ll always be.
I hope she loves you more than me.
I’ll always love you, Rich,

Love, Michy ❤️


I understand that life is full of goodbye’s. I’m not too good to not suffer them. I look around at the wreckage. I stand still and try to take it in. My mind seems to be more civil and rational about what needs to be done to start and clean up the battlefield of life. My heart seems to hesitate at action. My heart is a coward. I’ve fallen prey to its fears deep rooted from the shell shock of all the conundrum and confusion life brings to war. As I stand under the night sky looking up to the free stars that shine there light I can’t help but feel the cool dark space that surrounds me like an enemy terrorist trying to get me to cave and tell them my next move at all cost. I won’t talk! Seems like my heart has a bit of courage left. I want to flee to a land wear I can learn to walk instead of crawl with the injuries war have left behind on my riddled body. Maybe this is what builds a soldier stronger? Being pealed back at like layers on an onion. You hit the core only to find it’s most bitter taste?
I want a fresh start.


Final goodbye

This is goodbye and it’s forever, I’m saying goodbye because I don’t love you anymore, I don’t want to be with you anymore, we won’t have a spectacular night every 5 months, I won’t greet you on your birthday or buy you an expensive gift, I won’t see you happy anymore. You chose what you chose and it will be a problem with yourself. I can’t do anything anymore. I miss our short friendship of 6 months. I loved it, you know? But thank you for giving me love at the worst time. Thank you for saving me from the worst. Thank you for being there on that horrible birthday.

i wish

i love you. i still do. things could never work, but i wish they could. i’m a walking cliché, but i still love you to the moon and back. i move on, but my feelings persist.
there are not enough but’s in the world to describe my feelings for you. see you in the afterlife.

Trying to Google Hope, not Death

Trying not to go backwards which involves not

Sexting nameless faces, existential dread,

Looking up death related Dickinson poems,

And reading as if a sleuth the few poems that

Once caused a flutter and then a nose dive into hyperventilation.

However the first thing I noticed was the dramatic exit from my Wellness

And I became a being almost sending dirty pictures (sounds like public sacrifice),

And trying to make out with Nostalgia and Death at the same time.

I am thinking of the library of poems I once dedicated to a man

Who’s one line “I could never love someone like you,”

Seemed to have held its weight the past three years

And perforated my ear drum from hearing new music.

I turn into a mourner of another man who

Seduced me with his normalcy but ran a circus in between lips of a smile.

Everywhere I go there is a wedding and a flower girl, tossing lovingly

Utter destruction for me.

She tosses the pain as if reckoning one day I will stop running,

Let it rinse over me with its shredded paper flakes

And I will stop running backwards.

Forget decimation is the charade.

Google hopeful poems for Emily Dickinson instead.