An infidel of infidelity


JUN
22010

This letter is meant for you.  You’ll probably never read this or know my true feelings but the universe needs to hear me and possibly drift a little bit of truth your way.

You threw away your life because your dick was itchy.  You threw away your past because it was easier to lie to the most dedicated, loyal, honest and kind person I have had the honor of knowing than simply utter the sentence, “I am considering having an affair.”

You took her choice away and made it for her.  With a sordid back room fuck you stripped away your promise of fidelity.  With each answer you gave to her instinctual questions you ripped off the years of trust.  She is not broken.  She is hurt.  She is also honorable and can look within knowing she was true, even when it was hard, even when she was tempted to go against her vows.

You didn’t even have the decency of telling her the truth.  She had to pull it out of you.

Now you get everything you think you want.  Now you get to follow through on all those winks and nudges and innuendos that you have brazenly shown while your wife was seated next to you.  Now you can dazzle that blonde and tickle that redhead and fondle that brunette.  Now you can feel the pulse race as the much younger woman catches your eye.  Now you can woo her and impress her with your worldly ways.  Now you can smell new smells and taste new lips.  Now you can have the world like your women, in the palm of your hand.

You are in for so many new experiences.

Now you can feel your age as the much younger women laugh at your advances.  Now you can break other people’s hearts and have your own heart broken.  Now you can worry about condoms and pregnancies and chancres and herpes and crabs. Now you can dine in the discomfort of a broken family. Now you can have those long, crying talks with your children and inform them why it just didn’t work out.  Now you can worry that some day they might actually find out. Now you can write off half of your life as your wife’s family and friends disappear. Now you can divide your past and divvy up your stuff.

I hope your wiener is happy.  It seems to have gotten everything it’s always wanted.

Fuck, couldn’t you have just jumped out of a couple of planes, bought a sportscar and gone on an African safari?

It would have been cheaper in the long run.

Oh, and by the way, thanks for fucking it up for the other husbands who are now being eyed by their wives after their “ideal marriage” has hit the skids.  Thanks a LOT for that.

Workplace crush


JUN
32010

I see you every time I’m at work, you’re so beautiful and the same age as me. I try every time we speak to tell you how I feel but I always chicken out. You’re funny and smart, but I’m a borderline loser and you probably don’t feel the same way about me that I feel about you. Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to speak, before someone else gets you first.

Where will we go?


JUN
42010

Dear Friend,

I am so afraid of coming to you. Your help is all I want, but I am terrified of the way you’re acting now. I haven’t even gotten there yet. I can not apologize for crying. I can not walk on egg shells. I am so scared this is all going to be a horrible, horrible mistake. Please don’t let your head get the best of you. I’m weary. I love you.

Always.

Texts.

D,

I texted you last night, for the first time in probably almost a year. On occasion you have texted me, but I have never straight out made first contact, and when you contacted me I barely replied. Anyways, I was listening to a song that talked about forgiving people, saying they were sorry. So of course I thought of you.

We have been through a lot. Friends, “In like”, friends with benefits, Hate, Acquaintances… and I just felt like reaching out and seeing how you were was a good idea. That I’m over the hate, and the past, and everything you put me through, and probably everything I put you through. However.. I’m not sure that text was meant to really fix a friendship. I just kind of meant it as a “hey I’m sorry, can it not be so awkward when we run into each other from time to time.”

But I think you took it in a “lets go back to being friends again.”

We were really close, honestly you were up there on my “as close to best friends as possible” list, but honestly… though I can put everything behind us, I can’t forget it.

You hurt me a lot, and you used me, and you made me scared that when it comes to relationships…you are the example of what every other boy wants. I forgive you, I made mistakes by letting things get that far…but at the same time…I could never trust you again.

I feel like becoming friends again, or you wanting to, might take us back to how things happened last time. I know I don’t want any of that, and I know better now… but I just worry that it could happen again, and I’ll get hurt.

I could barely handle round one of whatever it was we had… I’m worried that you asking to hangout again is only going to lead to round two…

I am sort of regretting sending that text.. I should have thought this through better..

~S

Like I don’t matter at all…

From the moment you moved in I tried to satisfy you and your mother… In return I’ve received fights, battle scars, and sarcastic rejection. I held in all my feelings and when I let them out you give me stupid comebacks to hurt me. On top of that you try to suck up to me and say you’re sorry when I know you’ll never really mean it. You’ve taken more from me that some would just ignore. I am sick and tired of ignoring what I lose. One day you will feel what I have felt and when you do then you can talk to me but until you realize the shit you have put me through with and without you…. stay out of my life.

Countdown

August 29, 2010

The
10th of December was
9 days before I left, and there were
8 thousand words I should have been writing at
7 pm that night because I had
6 papers due but you needed a prop girl
5 minutes before the show and be
4 I knew it I was that girl and
3 drinks later I was way too drunk
2 walk myself home and you were the nice
1 who made sure I was okay and my heart went from
0 to 60 everytime you smiled at me.
1 week later at
2 in the morning, you walked me home again, and
3rd times the charm, I asked you to stay
4 the night because it was barely
5 degrees outside and I was falling for you out of
6 billion people in the world, despite only knowing you for
7 days. And now
8 months later, and
90 days since I told you I loved you, I thank god for the
10 days I had with you in December.