Category: To You

My daughter and I are walking back from her school and we’ve almost made it home when a massive black van with no windows but for the front pulls up next to us. I’ve just passed the drivers side and I can see it but I hear him roll down a tinted window and crank up his radio really loud.
At the same time, a teen boy steps out of his vehicle ahead of us, and a group of girls round the corner of the townhouses to meet him at which time the van pulls away and drives off.
I can’t help but wonder. What the fuck just happened? If feel like we narrowly walked away from something truly terrible.

My mother came to visit over the weekend, coincide with the Friendsgiving feast my lady friend was hosting. The timing ended up working nicely. After a day spent with mom and her husband at the Jurassic Quest event where we got to view massive replicas of dinos and the grand baby got to ride a Triceratops and help train a Raptor. Then by some weird happenstance I was able to mom into stopping at a metal restaurant called The Brutal Poodle for lunch because it was smack dab in the middle of antique row and she was of a mind to go Antinquing. The music was fast and heavy, they sat us outside next to a gnome giving two big middle fingers and a wall covered with fantastic graffiti, featuring Iron Maidens Eddie. The owner serviced our table, and somehow or another I would up with a free apricot ale on my tab.

During our antique walk,mom found a pearlescent carnival ware pitcher set I helped her get and she also found a present for my brothers boyfriend ( a lantern).

When my husband got off work, him and I headed over to my friends for dinner while ma watched our little one. There were two other people there aside from my lady friend, her boyfriend who made the bulk of the feast and her former Co worker friend that had joined us at the renaissance Faire. The co worker friend left after dinner but my husband and I stuck around for a few rounds of Joking hazard. My husband thinks her boyfriend looks like the lead singer of Doyle and now I can’t unsee it.
It was a good night.

Maybe next time My brother and his guy can make the trip, I hear the Van Gogh exhibit is really stellar.

I want it. The taste of you in my mouth. I wish you understood. This isn’t about creating some sense of reciprocity; no, I crave you. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner you are all I need. I can express myself so much better and how much I want you in a nice intimate session with my face below your waist. Don’t think I’m doing you a favor; this is what I want more than anything. Just lay back, close your eyes, and enjoy me pleasing you.

than being with someone you don’t love forever when you could’ve been with the one you do?

Dear T,
I know I have said this in the recent past, several times…but ill say it again. The only time that you want to hold me close…the only time that you want to kiss me…the only time you want to make me feel loved thru showing me some affection…is when we have sex. Other than that…and even immediately following you cumming, that affection is gone and I’m immediately back to being alone and unwanted. It is YOU who trained me to believe that in order to feel like I matter to you is to have sex with you. So when you won’t do anything with me like watch a show with me, go somewhere with me, talk to me or even be around me while I watch you do it all and then some with everyone around us except for me….can you blame me for wanting to have sex all of the time if its the only thing that makes me feel like I exist or matter even a little bit to you in your world? Especially after putting myself out there to turn you on night after night and getting absolutely zero reaction out of you and feeling rejected more often then I get to have the affection I desire from you? At this point, sex isn’t even excluded from the list of things that you do with me that is only for me. You want sex as often as I do. Just not with me because like everything else….thats reserved for someone else and not me and the fact that you really expect me to believe your innocent when not even you can give me a reason to believe that and are choosing to act like what I said to you the other night was never said and completely ignore the whole situation is fucking torture on me and has changed the way i see you in every way that it could. All because you refuse to talk to me and own it. For what? It can’t be fear because I ALREADY KNOW and the fact that you reject me and treat me the way you do over it when all I want is to feel loved by you has really shown me how little of a conscience you have and how much of my life I have wasted on lies that YOU told. You not owning it is destroying me. I’m gonna show you that its not sex that I want every night and that its more than that since you can’t seem to take the time to understand me…or know me. But don’t be surprised when I fail. You will personally see to it that i do fail like you have with everything else. I told you that you wouldn’t have to worry about seeing me naked anymore aka I’ve given up on the only way you have taught me to be able to get affection from you. So when we completely fall apart and become total strangers to each other, even more so than we already are just remember that what I wanted was to feel loved by you…what’s your excuse?
Truly Yours (for now)
– Brown Eyez

To feel better about yourself. But then again I also used you to cultivate the courage to do what I always knew needed to happen. I hope it worked out for you as well as it did for me.

Namaste.

Eh, I was going to say I’m confused, but what else is new. It doesn’t matter. You enjoy those regrets. It’s good to have a hobby.

I warned you. You knew before you hit on me what shade of Bad B I was beforehand.
You’d seen me put down the stupid when laughing at them simply wasnt enough.
I had a problem with how you treated me, I actually spoke to you about it.
You repeated the mistake and even took it another mile after that.
I fixed the problem, I got rid of you.
You thought you could just keep coming back, that was a problem.
I fixed that too, I punched you square in the dick by cheating on you.
I warned you, I don’t fight fair. I won’t live a life I hate, I won’t give my affection to someone who disrepects me. You attempted to become my lousy asshole boyfriend that made me unhappy. I had a problem and I fixed it.
One week later, all I wanted was to be able to end things as friends, you didnt allow that because you kept coming back. Why couldn’t you have just left it alone and have accepted the 1st breakup or even the 2nd? You really thought I was going to allow you to treat it like a game?
I don’t play little fuckboy games, I don’t play by “I’m a good girl-rules”.
I fight dirty. I don’t take shit. When I defend myself, there are no rules. I’ve literally never cheated on anyone in my life until then, but I knew it would burn your ass so bad that you’d never try crawling back, so I went there, I did it. I didnt just burn your bridge back to me, I nuked that fucker and dont regret it.

Next time a lady tells you its over, accept the loss and walk the fuck away before she shows you she’s capable of literally anything to stop the stupid she’s already thrown away from coming back.

I know everything, Its not that am acting and not confronting you both.. I am just waiting for some decency from either of you, the spec of respect which makes you think I deserve honesty and truth.

There is something greater than all of us, that is my light at the end of this triangle..

If you think I dont value myself just because you dont, you are so wrong.

I have patience because there is something greater inside me than you both and the whole world put together .

I have full confidence and faith in GOD, so nothing will hurt me or put me in a situation where Im not valued. If you think for one moment, that you will have me and that dirty secret at same time and get away with it. You are wrong , again!

Just watch this space. He works mysteriously, its all in his hands now.