One day I will
no matter how many more
failures
years gone by
disappointments
One day I will
have you erased from my heart
from my memory of coulda beens
erased completely
..from me
One day I will
you are not the first
you are the one that cut deepest
and you are the last
that ever will be the whole of me
and one day
one day
you will be gone and exactly that
is
what you already are
I’m All out of fucks to give. There’s not one person in my life that I can say really gives a shit about me. All you mktherfuckers are the biggest phonies on this planet. It must be me then. I’ve lost my shiny disposition I’ve lost the will to live. I’ve lost all hope that things will just get better. There’s no getting better. I’m surrounded with pain and hollow promises. I’m left to my own devices. I’m going to be completely strapped without anything in approximately 8 days. I need to make shit happen for myself cuz it’s clear that no one ever holds up their end of the deal. No one can be happy for anyone. No one is gracious with others. I wish I could just fade away from this life and just vanish. I tired of the hurt. I’m tired of the pain. And most of all I’m tired of the lonleyness that I have . I’m all alone. All of the time … And im saddened by it deeply saddened
And tonights gym jams.
He provided natural, sober highs and flushed, beet red cheeks.
My lipstick was always unevenly placed as were my fears.
There was awkward dancing that felt sexy,
and soft pupils dilated with hands flailing.
He reminds me of the first bright leaf falling from a Fall sky.
Leaning on brittle hope, he manuevers around rooms and universes, all with
Elation in looking at one smile, and bubbling laughs kept secret
Over synchronized chemistry.
He is brash and blunt in his unabashed honesty,
And even in the way he dances off kilter, romantic and unhinged with a simple sway.
Sometimes the way he repeats a story forty times still feels like fresh paint.
I loved his burgundy sweater, and huggable overstretched arms but his
Anger was always boiling like a kettle,
His wise cracks revved up, a veneer that
Would never crumple.
The name calling was what the refs called unsportsmanlike.
I felt disintegrating chances,
and all the “no’s” and musical numbers attached…
There was a verified exile, lips trembling from unprovoked fears, and
Unobtainable goodbyes like I had imagined.
Left over were
The rehearsals that never came, the backdrop simply fading, and cast that called it quits.
Rosy cheeks and nasty comments combating wind sailing emotions.
No matter, it all entered a void.
Nothing would be forgotten.
The days flowed with his absence, but the memories felt like
Summer…peaceful and sunny and helpful in their making.
W.adams…
I wonder if you still come around on here. My heart longs to say hello to you.
Love
N.Carter
Never ask any man to be yours too soon. Even if you DO get excited about the outcome. It’s better to keep your expectations balanced. Just incase his answer is a no. Always consider this.
Though I stand by what was said, the timing was inappropriate to say the least. I hope you have a nice day.
1 of a kind, every time.
