first we was friends, now where do we go from here
first we was friends, now where do we go from here
I see you every time I’m at work, you’re so beautiful and the same age as me. I try every time we speak to tell you how I feel but I always chicken out. You’re funny and smart, but I’m a borderline loser and you probably don’t feel the same way about me that I feel about you. Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to speak, before someone else gets you first.
I am so afraid of coming to you. Your help is all I want, but I am terrified of the way you’re acting now. I haven’t even gotten there yet. I can not apologize for crying. I can not walk on egg shells. I am so scared this is all going to be a horrible, horrible mistake. Please don’t let your head get the best of you. I’m weary. I love you.
I spent all night dreaming that we could be together like that instead of chatting about it. I wonder if you would ever allow that to happen for real?
I texted you last night, for the first time in probably almost a year. On occasion you have texted me, but I have never straight out made first contact, and when you contacted me I barely replied. Anyways, I was listening to a song that talked about forgiving people, saying they were sorry. So of course I thought of you.
We have been through a lot. Friends, “In like”, friends with benefits, Hate, Acquaintances… and I just felt like reaching out and seeing how you were was a good idea. That I’m over the hate, and the past, and everything you put me through, and probably everything I put you through. However.. I’m not sure that text was meant to really fix a friendship. I just kind of meant it as a “hey I’m sorry, can it not be so awkward when we run into each other from time to time.”
But I think you took it in a “lets go back to being friends again.”
We were really close, honestly you were up there on my “as close to best friends as possible” list, but honestly… though I can put everything behind us, I can’t forget it.
You hurt me a lot, and you used me, and you made me scared that when it comes to relationships…you are the example of what every other boy wants. I forgive you, I made mistakes by letting things get that far…but at the same time…I could never trust you again.
I feel like becoming friends again, or you wanting to, might take us back to how things happened last time. I know I don’t want any of that, and I know better now… but I just worry that it could happen again, and I’ll get hurt.
I could barely handle round one of whatever it was we had… I’m worried that you asking to hangout again is only going to lead to round two…
I am sort of regretting sending that text.. I should have thought this through better..
From the moment you moved in I tried to satisfy you and your mother… In return I’ve received fights, battle scars, and sarcastic rejection. I held in all my feelings and when I let them out you give me stupid comebacks to hurt me. On top of that you try to suck up to me and say you’re sorry when I know you’ll never really mean it. You’ve taken more from me that some would just ignore. I am sick and tired of ignoring what I lose. One day you will feel what I have felt and when you do then you can talk to me but until you realize the shit you have put me through with and without you…. stay out of my life.
August 29, 2010
10th of December was
9 days before I left, and there were
8 thousand words I should have been writing at
7 pm that night because I had
6 papers due but you needed a prop girl
5 minutes before the show and be
4 I knew it I was that girl and
3 drinks later I was way too drunk
2 walk myself home and you were the nice
1 who made sure I was okay and my heart went from
0 to 60 everytime you smiled at me.
1 week later at
2 in the morning, you walked me home again, and
3rd times the charm, I asked you to stay
4 the night because it was barely
5 degrees outside and I was falling for you out of
6 billion people in the world, despite only knowing you for
7 days. And now
8 months later, and
90 days since I told you I loved you, I thank god for the
10 days I had with you in December.
I want you.
I need you.
I want to lay naked under your skies.
I need to run through fields of your flowers.
I want to dance in your warm waters.
I need to dig my hands deep in your earth.
I want to be free to wallow in your embrace.
Summer…please come back.
I’ve been daydreaming about picking up where we left off from last year lately, intensified after last night. You know by now that I would if you wanted to. I still want you. Do you still want me? Isn’t life a little short to not have a good time now and then? You are so beautiful.
Dear creeper on facebook,
Let’s get something straight, just because we’re friends on facebook doesn’t mean you need to comment/like every status. Everyone who knows you, knows you have a crush on me. It isn’t a secret, so please leave me alone or else I will delete you faster than you can say Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, seven times fast. You are scaring me, and all of my friends. Have a nice life without me being the center of it.