Yesterday

I think I see you as I step off the sidewalk so my thirsty companion can get a drink.
The man smiles briefly but walks hurriedly by, silent when I offer up a good afternoon.
Silly me, it’s been well over ten years and I’m quite sure your day to day business keeps you occupied enough that that you showing up here of all places would be improbable, but I think about it still as I peer down after the man as he turns a block shy of where we’re going. The resemblance is uncanny in that brief moment I see his face and it dredged up a myriad of feelings, mostly the kind of missing I suppose. I shouldn’t fixate on these things so heavily, I have business to take care of too.

When I get home, I finish up my latest body modification practice, a little ankh on my pinky to remind me of pleasant fascinations in my youth.

Letter to a friend

To the person I’m writing this letter,

I never thought I would write an anonymous letter like this and I know you would never read this. Just wanted to say something to you. I know you loved me. But I am really sorry I can’t reciprocate it. I really wanted us to stay friends. But you said you can’t do that. I understand your feelings and I am sorry if I hurt you. I never thought you would walk away from my life like this. You probably won’t even talk to me and may never see me again, but I just hope you won’t hate me. You will always be a good friend of mine. I really hope you would find a girl who loves you the same way you do. May all your dreams come true one day..

Your friend

Oi

If you think that I want to go down the same road again, you are sorely mistaken… I want to carve out a way forward.

Your insecurities mirror my own. I am ever  feeling unworthy of you… it’s gotten better recently, though. If you want some validation, here you go:

-You’re smart
-You’re funny
-Your eyes are my favorite shade of blue
-Your accent is muy caliente
-You stick to your morality
-Your path has been fraught with at least as much trauma as mine and you still keep going
-You’re eloquent
-If souls were diamonds, yours would have unparalleled fire
-You are a good listener
-You can make me smile even when I feel like hell
-You enjoy a good challenge
-You are excellent at chess
-You are the only other chaotic good person I know
-When given unlimited power over me, you made me quit smoking instead of forcing me to do tasks that were perverse (not going to lie, a few perverse acts would not have been amiss)
-You didn’t think the list would be this long
-You are reasonable
-You are fair
-You’re a redhead (<3)
-You have good taste in music

I am going to leave it there. Not because I’ve run out of worship and tribute, but because it’s 5:20 am and I haven’t slept.

B

Dad threw out my ZooBooks

I think it’s part of growing up here, part of Life in These United States (as Reader’s Digest might put it) – a rite of passage as it were. We all remember that day when we were sitting in our rooms minding our own business, and then out of nowhere dad comes storming in with a look of ire on his face, says to you “I’ve had enough of this tiger shit” and gathers up all of your ZooBooks and throws them in the garbage, forbidding you from fishing them out. But dad all I wanted to do was learn about these beautiful animals you said, as tears filled your eyes. Don’t go crying to your mother either, he said, I already told her this was going to happen like it or not and she isn’t going to save your precious ZooBooks this time. But daddy please can I at least keep the one with the zebras on the cover you pleaded, because that was the one that also had a three-page article on toucans with some really nice pictures, and your dad said for Christ’s sakes you’re a 28 year old man, get the hell out of my house and find a job already.