Category: To You

Isn’t it strange that over all those years so many of your „bliss moments“ are lived out moments from our virtual reality moments? Right down to creating situations, little things and nicknames… Honey? Giggling? Really now…LMAO
Why that still hurt, I don’t even know. Maybe because you intentionally gave me hope that I had stopped asking for when all I was seems to be is your inspiration. One in a million choices, did you find another appropriate muse or are you struggling to find another me?
Realise, while there are so many good replacements, there is just one me because of my faults, through my life experience, they make me unique!
My weakness for you, was (is? dunno) just one of them….

Much like how a parent may not necessarily trust their kid but still have a deep well of love that can not be easily emptied.

Or have you ever had a naughty pet? Do you reconsider your affections stillstanding when that pet makes destructive mischief?

No I don’t think that trust is a prerequisite of love , although it can be a space for decision making during independent review. If I ever had a teenage son ( unlikely as my partner is getting snipped) and I found out that him and his buddies were screaming obscenities at parents walking to get their kids from school like the little shit that shrieked “fuck you bitch!” at me last Thursday as he sped by in the safety of his vehicle, well I’d probably get creative with punishments. That’s one of those bad personality types that if you can’t break them of it as it presents itself its ugliness head on, it festers , it can destroy lives. How might you choose confront that sort of anger or resentment as it presents itself in someone you love and value? Would you wash your hands of obligation? Could there have been an alternative to the worst possible outcome.

J,

When we were together, you used to open all the windows in my house when I was at work. And I’d come home, and it was like a completely different place. Warm and bright with sunlight, no more of the artificial shit I was surrounded by all day. Just walking in the door I would feel happier because of that one small thing you did. And I finally realized that was the perfect encapsulation of how I feel about you, or maybe the reason I feel the way, I do. I felt genuinely alive for the first time with you, and you validated me in ways no one ever has.

My life was a pretty dark place for a long time before I met you. You brought the light back into my life. I hadn’t been truly happy in so long. Obviously it wasn’t all sunshine and roses. Tbh I feel pretty cheated by the part of you I did get to spend time with. The broken spirit, the distracted attention….the mood swings, it was a lot to deal with, and, yeah, there were times I wasn’t always as happy with you as I may have lead you to believe. The good has always vastly outweighed the bad, no matter how bad the bad has been, but its pretty easy to figure out. When you were happy, I was happy. When you were miserable, I was miserable. Such mirroring of emotions, remind you of aNyone?

Maybe this makes sense to you, but you realize you stopped talking to me when I stopped fighting with you?? I admit I used to say some nasty things to you out of anger, and there’s nasty things roaming my mind even now. I just decided that’s not how I’m gonna treat you anymore. My strength is that I CAN suppress the anger, I CAN be the one that walks away from a fight or lets you win rather than cause irreparable damage, I CAN be the one that leads us to a path centered on compromise and mutual support. You are worth it. Every minute we spent together, even the bad ones, is precious to me.

I don’t believe our story is done. But I’ll give you all the time you need.

Love,
Me

Thank you for taking care of me so much for loving me so much for helping me heal and for giving me back my faith you are someone very special in my life and I am so lucky that you were right there to lift me up.

As long as every one else gets their happily ever after. Fuck me right? Everyone else is happy so who cares. You happy motherfuckers disgust me. You did NOTHING to deserve that.

3 straight nights, same dream. You’re back with him, you’re with him the whole time, I was just a prop to bring about your happily ever after. Could be 100% true for all I know.

I guess what I’m trying to say is it’s been really hard lately coming to acceptance with probably never hearing from you again. I don’t understand how this happened. The last thing you said was asking me to hang out. And I’ve been on my very best behavior since. Just still not good enough I guess, shocker.

started out as the first part,what led to going my own way,alive in the second,know,there is nothing wrong but the condition all share,yet there were two words true from that moment,

i’m done,two words from then on too,lost cause,

nothing that can change,not even what i said,lost in a winding mess in my head,created through dishonesty,yours,change became irrelevant,i don’t need anything but,

let it stay done,don’t speak,and you never more shall lie,to me,
what a beautiful thing,the freedom broken trust can bring.

A few weeks back I ordered some tickets for a hidden Alice in Wonderland cocktail event for myself and my recently engaged lady friend.

April 15th was finally the day we got to go enjoy it. My girls fiance gave us a ride downtown and even though there was no address listed, the place was easy enough to find with their landmark instructions.

My girlfriend made a beautiful little red waistcoat for the occasion, and I found myself a dress with a number of little symbolism tied to the book.

When we entered the venue it had a pretty themed setup. The waiting room covered floor to ceiling with flowered wallpaper, cards and keys hanging from a ceiling covered in lush green and the familiar bottom half of Alice’s gown and stockinged legs dangling down.

It’s 30 past the even start time when the white rabbit comes to collect the group of us gathered, pronouncing us all very late as he ushers us down a hallway covered in fairylights and into a tearoom filled with decorate colored flags, walls covered with shrubbery and mushrooms, behind which a large Cheshire cat smile emerges.

The white queen seats us at our table as an orchestral version of Queens Bohemian Rhapsody plays in the background. Alice lounges in a separate poll garden waving us in and eventually greeting us herself with lewd humor.

The event takes place after the slaying of the jabberwocky and red queen and leads us through a number of puzzles in celebration of the warriors return. The setup they provide us to mix our own cocktails is actually quite magical, my favorite concoction being a lovely blend of blackberry , sprite and whiskey.
Other music that I catch is another orchestral ensemble of Pumped up Kicks, and some lively Spanish jams as we cheer on a large family celebrabrating a birthday as they urge Alice to take more shots with them.

After our hour and a half is up, they gentle urge us on our way back down the path we came. We’re feeling a little pecking now though and decide to continue the party at Maggiano’s after the first restaurant pick of Firebowl turned out to be closed. It was a good time and gave us some great ideas for parties we could throw later on down the line when the conditions are ripe.

I don’t understand why you are so foolish and don’t think ahead and be so irresponsible and hurt me so hard and that’s why I closed my heart, now I’m blocking infinity and you hurt yourself and now you’re with someone after that, it’s not fair.