to all the people I’ve lost

Recently I’ve lost someone who is really important to me, who has been in my life everyday in the last 7 months, helping me and cheering me up. Now that he is not with me anymore, everything reminds me of him, if I see an specific number, color, name or phrase my mind will think about him inmediatly, and I think I’ll probably do that for a long time.
Since he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, I’m writing this; I probably should be sleeping right now, but I can’t get him out of my head, so in this letter I’m putting my thoughts and feelings, all of this is what I would say to him if I could.
I know you are hurt right now, and I know you are going to be mad at me for some time, but I need you to tell me everything you feel, because you just not wanting to talk to me and me having to figure it out on my own doesn’t seem right.
Yes, I knew you are in love with me, or probably were, but the last thing I wanted was to lose your friendship, you mean a lot to me and just thinking that you are not going to even look me in the eye tomorrow hurts. I need you to be mature and talk to me, we could figure this out without having to fight.
You told my best friend about this, I had to find out because of her, she told me the awful things you said to her about me, but the only thing I could think about while reading it was that a person has to be really miserable to write that kind of shit, you have to really hate someone to do it, and what you said was about me, it was all about how I am the most awful and insensitive person ever. You know that’s not true, you know that I loved you and that I still love you no matter what.
Someone once told me that there are some people that come into your life to stay, and there are other people that come into your life to teach you something, and then they leave. I had always thought of you as the kind of person that stays, and that one day, when we grow up, we would talk and laugh about how silly we were when we were starting our friendship; I have now realise you were the kind of person that had something to teach to me, you had taught me how to be a better friend, but you have left me because you didn’t wanted that friendship, you wanted more, but I couldn’t and can’t give you more.
I really hope you can understand me, and that you can come back to me life; but if you don’t, I hope you have learned rom me as many things as I have learned from you, I hope that when you think about me you think about the good things and beutiful memories that we have made together.
I love and miss you,
Lu

Dear Pin

Dear pin, thank you for taking care of me in very bad times when I did not accept anyone to do it, thank you for loving me so much, thank you for shining next to me, forgive me for ever hurting you and disappearing to take care of me, I am sorry because we can never be and I love you.

Father’s Day

This year I spent it at the Renaissance Fair with my husband and kid. Normally we go for our anniversary, but the dates worked out with our schedules this year to go a little earlier.

It was a great time. There was a costume contest with a considerable number of impressive hand made costumes ranging from captain hook and more traditional fair attire to the more fantastical beasts of folklore and games.
We also ran into a number of friends and enjoyed some of our regular musical visitors at our haunts by the pirates pub and globe stage.

During one of the restroom stops a young fairy comes up to me and asks me if she can trust me. She leaves her basket of flowers with me so she can take a break to use the restroom herself and I feel a measure of pride that strangers feel they can trust me with their livelihoods.

The father of the day, my husband, is thoroughly satisfied by the day and we make plans to have an adults only trip a little later on after my mom takes our kid on her camping adventures in a few weeks.

Not many people will understand

The reasons I chose to discontinue relationships with two father figures. My step dad who raised me and whole anger issues and over sexualized demeanor not only endangered me but his own son , and my real father who walked out when I was 5 to be with another partner and raise a daughter not his own but neglect his blood daughter out of bitterness towards my mom. I tried to get to know him later on in life and hoped to redeem some measure of the relationship but was again heartbroken when he again chose his and repeated the same measures of minimal contact and snubs until I just let it go. The trouble was I didn’t want to work for him for less than minimum wage and no way to improve my living conditions. When his wife’s stepson moved here from Romania and showed a passion towards car work, he not only lost all interest in me but made it his mission to let me know how disappointed in me he was for trying to make a life of my own. How warped. Then contact became less and further in-between until it was nothing at all.

<33

to skater boy
its all bittersweet to realize that i find myself still looking at your stories or spotify profile to see the last artist you listened to but then the though of you not thinking of me runs over me and i doubt myself thinking i shouldnt think of you anymore, has it really come to this?

Today

My neighbor April asks for a last minute favor to watch her daughter for a few hours after she was called in to help another nurse.
As I’m opening the door to wait for her, I’m instead greeted by my other neighbors son who speedily tells ne how their big puppy ran into his mother at the top of the stairs and caused their new baby to fly down the stairs. I realize the kid is starting to panic as hes getting stuck in the details of it and call my kid (hisbest friend )downstairs to distract him. The other kid comes by and heads upstairs to play some games. I get the kids some yoohoo and watch them playing the yard until his mother emerges teary eyed. I assure her it’s okay he knocked on our door and the kids had turned their attention to playing Pokémon instead of rehashing the mornings events. I take a moment to tell her about and incident where Iris fell down the stairs pretty early on and was miraculously unharmed after she tells me the baby’s at least eating and eyes seems to be looking okay, but they’ll still take her in to get looked at by a doctor and her other kids grandma was going to drive over to get him. I give her privacy after that.

When the little boys grandma arrives to get him, I send him off with a stuffed dino to help ease the transition. His grandma tries to get me and my kid to join them but I let her know that I have another person’s kid in my care today too and am unable to.

Instead me and another neighbor take our collective trio of kids over to the boba shop and then over to the pool. When I speak to the young girls mom again, she slips me a 30.00 gift card to the cheesecake factory. Their chicken Madeira is pretty awesome but I was secretly hoping to put any donations towards canvas and craft supplies. Getting a good meal is also essential. I appreciate it too, I’ll make a date with the kid with it.

Here’s hoping baby Lilah is resilient in overcoming both premature birth and her first fall in a matter of days.

To him

I wish I could be better. I wish it hadn’t ended up that way. It was beautiful while it lasted but I guess we had to move on. I wish you could see that I tried, I maybe needed to be better. You weren’t the best either, but you were there when I needed. I wish we wouldn’t have become strangers. I want to hold you one more time, I want to hug you one more time. I wish you all the best and maybe our paths will cross sometimes.