Category: Thoughts

Like everyone else I’m not proud of alot of things I’ve done and have my fair share of flaws, faults, sins and demons

But I am proud of one thing, I am cycle braker not just in the sense of I got away but in the fact that a child I repeat a child who experienced and put up with deragration, prejection, “physical disapline” and reminders of how much of a pice of shit I was in the eyes of my father and we are talking from 6 years old from what I remember. Still checks himself as a 35 yearold grown man. To Not be a product of his environment that he experienced first hand. Actually stops to think of the emotional and psychological healthy way to deal with the everyday problems that everyone faces.

When I was younger did I speak to my own mother , sister and ex girlfriends in a similar way I will admit yes but I regret all of that and I now check myself before I speak….or ever will speak to them again. In that matter.

Like I said before everyone has their demons and their deepest darkest fears Mine is obviously clear. This is why I honestly thank God that I’m just an alcoholic degenerate. Who just needs to check him self in the ways of speech because I can be a hell of alot worse.

Oh that pice of shit is now a 66 year old lonely old man who Wonders why his own family his own blood doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. Fuck him he got his karma and I’m leaving him to the big man upstairs.

I am a Cycle Braker in all aspects the word and that is my healing and my therapy and as I said before I am proud of who I am.

The asshole they arrested for child sexual abuse lives in my county. Nearly an hour away from the abduction space.

Last month a nearby high school in Morrison reported one of its female students escaped a potential abduction while running the hillside near her school.

The following week a different man attempted to take a boy kindergarten from an Aurora kindergarten by trying to pass as the boys father. A number of teachers witnessed the event and the screaming boy alerted them.
Reasons why I don’t wear my mask to pick up my kid.

An 11 year old girl was reported missing after she didn’t check in during a trip to her local park. An amber alert is sent out.

November 17th, with the help of teams of people researching camera footage, drone surveillance, and communications monitoring the girl is found …alive.

November 18th. News releases of one 30 year old Micheal Patrick Buckely being arrested and charged on counts of repeated sexual assault on a child.

A source of innumerable works of art, music, and gaming mechanisms.

https://youtu.be/nlFtj_K_oqA

I thought the trilogy had a bad end. I saw it again. In comparison to ours it was happy. How much time can change.

Imma turn that into money.

So glad to see everyone else getting their happily ever afters.

Is a Russian zombie series we just finished watching, and while some of it is stereotypical soap opera tropes there’s also some very interesting real time commentary alluding to a China’s influence and potential attempt at hostile infiltration. The show came out in 2019, in the early stages of the pandemic and what commentary begins as a few small comments about intentional causation on China’s part develops into something even more menacing during the stories development, but alas with us all caught up on the released seasons I’ll have to wait and see how they continue that conversation further. As a country closer to the source I am curious about their perspective during this time period, while also maintaining awareness that what is reflected in the show is just one facet in the greater scope of global conversation.

Saying this I also feel it is important to say I’m not particularly biased on any one country, there’s manipulative and cruel people anywhere you go but perhaps I feel the conversation itself at least yields to an understanding of the puzzle that is current events.

Just found out the THIRD girl I liked in my life who told me she was a lesbian has been dating a male athlete for years. Not as bad as the first one dating several of my male friends within like a month after saying that or the second flirting with male friends right in front of me.

What’s so wrong with me? I can’t even cry anymore. I hate myself so much.

Last weekend I was rallied into helping host a block party with the two neighborhood moms on either side of me. I was to set up an area to craft spirit dolls in my place and the other food and games would be in the common yard area. I decided to step up the complications though, with my husband out of town for work I also took the time to paint my daughter’s room a pink I’ve been promising her for ages, the living room in Sea Glass Green and Juniper Breeze, and the bathroom in Stormy Cove Blue. I impressed myself, managing to have the feat pulled off in three days and still be stockpiled on supplies for the party. Someone who might have known me eleven or so years ago might be suprised I made it a week as the representing adult without locking my keys in my car, or house all while managing to get the tiny human where she needed to go. It feels like progress.

The party went off without a foul, a few of my own friends showed uo and we arranged a fancy assemblage of bat, owl, cat, and canine creatures using old jewelry, skulls, and donated fabric held up with wire. Outside I set up a Halloween themed bean bag toss. And the other moms set up various scavenger hunt, eye finds and other prize winning activities. The kids ran around til dark while the neighbors , friends,, and myself mingled as I made the rounds from spot to spot. That feels like success. Next party will be hosted at my girlfriends house, she has a little bit more elbow room for activities but for now it felt great to present something put together for myself.