Category: Love

Actually, you’re NOT that nice!!!!

Just a shame that you still feel the need to force your teenage daughter onto me, even though you don’t really have that much interest in me. You’ve proved to me what a narcissist you are, by things you’ve said to me. You think that I’m completely stupid. You think that I’m not that clever. You’re friends are stalkers and I will never give them the time of day. You are pathetic to be this obsessed with me. You don’t “care about me”. You don’t “love” me. Aren’t you growing a bit fed up and tired of playing the same old game without getting any end result? Aren’t you a bit old to be playing these sorts of games by now? The joke’s actually on YOU. You will never get to see me again. Goodbye, you pathetic waste of space.

Te amo, mi amor

You’re right, of course. You deserve every bit of me. I’m sorry I haven’t always given you that.

The truth is, when I think about you, it makes me so happy. Look, I have high standards. I’ve passed on a lot, and I know people judge, but, hey, I feel like I know what I’m doing. You….you are fucking gorgeous. Everything about you, there’s nothing more I could ever want in that department. Even still, that wouldn’t be enough for me. It’s your intellect, your class, your values, that really put you over the top. I don’t want this sound like ‘you’re good enough for me’; what I mean is you are the woman I want to be with.

Forever. I want to subject myself to crazy nervousness while I plan out and execute the best proposal I can think of. I want to fuck you like a million times during our honeymoon. I want to hold your hand and tell you to breathe while you birth our babies. I want to do research and visits when we buy our first house. I want to say “HEY, respect your mother”, the first and every time our kids step out of line with you. I wanna retire with you and take you all the places you’ve never been. I wanna spoil our grandkids together, utilizing all the lessons we learned a little too late as parents. 150 years from now when you need a bionic hip, I want to completely take care of you, bring you soup, fluff your pillows, even any of the nasty business. It helps that I’ve already had all my bone, joint, and organ replacements by then :). You should smile too my baby, we’re going to live together forever!

I love you. Yes, I loved someone before you. And there was probably some time sharing involved between you two for some time. But that love has run it’s course. And even without you in the picture I know the healthy thing to do is to move past it. Even without being with you, I know 💯 you can make me happier, and make me a better man.

So, baby, this I what I got to say. And I know it’s a lot. That’s just kinda how I am. My mind is clear, my motivation at a level it hasn’t been at a decade. Yeah….there might be something you need to do too. But for my end, I promise you I will work my ass off and love you like no one else can.

Dearest, Darling

I knew I wanted to marry you within days of that first conversation. Nothing that has happened since has changed my mind. It’s early days yet, we’re only just coming up on six months, but I want to live a life with you and grow old together. You’re the best person I’ve ever known, you make me laugh and hold me when I cry, and someday I’m going to be brave enough to tell you that I think we were made for each other. I love you so much!

forbidden, inevitable (in another life)

i’ve always told my sister i’d do anything for her. i know what i need to do now.

i’ll bring her my smiles and laughter, saving my heartbreak and tears for another time when she can’t sense my pain. i’ll keep my eyes locked with hers, listening to her every word of every story, doing everything i can to avoid shifting my gaze to meet his and getting lost in another daydream.

she loves him with her entire heart and my heart is getting out of control. i owe it to her to process these feelings alone. i owe it to her to lie and say everything is fine, and of course i’d love to come over for dinner, and of course i will be in her wedding, and of course one day i’ll be the best aunt to her baby. there’s no one else she trusts more than me. of course i’d never hurt her.

i have to let it go.

i’ll sit with the guilt i feel when i think he deserves more, and rinse myself clean of the feeling that he’d be happier with me. i’ll bite my tongue when she criticizes the parts of him that i know so intimately – the ones i’ve known and loved since before he and i even met. i’ll never tell her how many times i’ve wanted to be alone with him when she’s in the room, or how quickly i fell for all the parts of him she can’t stand. i’ll help her see that those sides of him are worth loving; i’ll never let her know that i loved them first.

i’ll be his friend, just like always. i’ll make dinner with him and drink on the patio and play cards until morning for as long as i live. i’ll never hold his hand, or stare at his lips for too long, or crawl over to the driver’s side and give him the love we’ve both been craving for so many years. i’ll go on dates and fuck other people until someone makes me feel even close to the way he does – so loved, so appreciated, and so deeply understood. i won’t think about how i could give him everything he says his life is missing. i’ll give up the fantasies and the photos and the memories and leave a hole in the pit of my heart and my stomach if it means she will be happy forever. i’ll never tell him what i’m thinking, even if he asks. and i know he will always ask.

i hope he never finds out. i hope she never finds out. maybe there’s a universe in which i’m happy and he and i are together, but i’ll do everything i can to let that feeling go so she can be happy in this one.

From Your Squeaky Wheel

I miss her all the time but right now I could not miss her more

Is it everything that’s happened

Is it my loss of home

Is it the fact that that piece of my heart reached out to me

I felt cared for in a moment where the heaviness was taking me under

My phone rang and it was that Pittsburgh area code, I was prepared to hear her voice on the other end

She said that they’ll call me, that she’s out for a few days

That angel has immune system problems

If this virus touches her I will find it and end it myself

I miss sitting with her

Laughing with her

I hate that I can’t tell her about any of it, in our old time in depth ways

I miss her faces, I miss her obsession with t rexes.

How to feel…

I’ve liked you for a while now. You like me too.
After spending hours with someone daily for weeks, that’s bound to happen.
But I wonder if you realize the extent?
Like, can you tell that I’m falling head over heels for you, fast?
Do you see me staring at you? Admiring your muscles, seeing new scars here and there, noticing the paths your veins take, taking in the shape of your strong jaw line?
Do you feel the sparks that I feel when we kiss? The drunken high that leaves my head spinning almost every single time?
Do you get the same butterflies that I get when I’m on the way to see you, when you’re on the way to see me?
I’ve never had this strong urge to say I love you to anyone but you.
Because sometimes, when we are laying in bed, fully clothed, staring into each others eyes for what can feel like forever…or when we are watching a movie and sit in my dark ass living room holding hands…that’s all I want to say because in those moments, that’s the only feeling I have. Pure joy, peace…love.
You make me forget about the outside world; my job, financial issues, family stress…it’s really like nothing else matters when I’m with you.
I love that you speak your mind and that you open up to me, like a man never has.
I love that you pass the blunt slow to me because you know I can’t see shit.
I love that you don’t give a fuck but you do give a fuck, simultaneously.
I love that you don’t judge me for being the sensitive person that I’ve always hidden. I love that you actually talk to me.
You ask about my days, you tell me about yours, you ask my beliefs and my opinions like you really want to know and actually care.

I genuinely love you.
I have loved before, so I understand the risk I’m taking by saying this.
But I have never loved someone like you…as incredible as you.
I don’t know if this will ever lead to anything more than whatever we are.
I don’t know if we will ever fall deeply in love and create an empire together.
I don’t know what the fuck is going on half the time, in most situations tbh.
But I know how I feel.
I know I love you.
I know I never want to miss you.
I never want to lose you.
I never want this to end.

Love as a beautiful word

Finally left the meaningless and

In between the air hockey and loud music

I began to feel my bones shift in their sockets

And my heart thump a peculiar pattern.

Keep loving the wrong ones and you will never learn

To love the right ones, the chiming says.

Addicted to the hits, they were my crux, my vice when

Bottomless thoughts pooled together to form

Dark, heated, sensual nights.

But nothing meaningful can truly come out of nothingness

And that’s all they were.

Hearing the notes of new music

Helps batter the old ones into the mix.

I will make mountains and

Sceneries with your name, and love will become a beautiful

Word again.