to all the people I’ve lost

Recently I’ve lost someone who is really important to me, who has been in my life everyday in the last 7 months, helping me and cheering me up. Now that he is not with me anymore, everything reminds me of him, if I see an specific number, color, name or phrase my mind will think about him inmediatly, and I think I’ll probably do that for a long time.
Since he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, I’m writing this; I probably should be sleeping right now, but I can’t get him out of my head, so in this letter I’m putting my thoughts and feelings, all of this is what I would say to him if I could.
I know you are hurt right now, and I know you are going to be mad at me for some time, but I need you to tell me everything you feel, because you just not wanting to talk to me and me having to figure it out on my own doesn’t seem right.
Yes, I knew you are in love with me, or probably were, but the last thing I wanted was to lose your friendship, you mean a lot to me and just thinking that you are not going to even look me in the eye tomorrow hurts. I need you to be mature and talk to me, we could figure this out without having to fight.
You told my best friend about this, I had to find out because of her, she told me the awful things you said to her about me, but the only thing I could think about while reading it was that a person has to be really miserable to write that kind of shit, you have to really hate someone to do it, and what you said was about me, it was all about how I am the most awful and insensitive person ever. You know that’s not true, you know that I loved you and that I still love you no matter what.
Someone once told me that there are some people that come into your life to stay, and there are other people that come into your life to teach you something, and then they leave. I had always thought of you as the kind of person that stays, and that one day, when we grow up, we would talk and laugh about how silly we were when we were starting our friendship; I have now realise you were the kind of person that had something to teach to me, you had taught me how to be a better friend, but you have left me because you didn’t wanted that friendship, you wanted more, but I couldn’t and can’t give you more.
I really hope you can understand me, and that you can come back to me life; but if you don’t, I hope you have learned rom me as many things as I have learned from you, I hope that when you think about me you think about the good things and beutiful memories that we have made together.
I love and miss you,

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