Cheers to you

People ask me all the time if I have forgiven you and my answer has always been vague. Yes and no. Yes, I forgave you in a sense that I don’t let you have that effect on me anymore. Whenever I see you post, I feel nothing. I don’t feel angry for your happiness but I don’t feel happy either. I forgive you just so I could have my peace of mind.
But on the other hand, I didn’t forgive you. The cheating, lying, emotional abuse, and sexual assault you did was not forgivable. I was not some toy you could use all you want and replace for a shinier one. I was a person with feelings. I was a person who loved you so deep I forgot to love myself. I was the person you promised you would never hurt because you said I was as precious as a ruby.
So there’s that. Maybe in another lifetime where I did not feel like ending my life because of the pain and damage you have caused me, I will forgive you fully. But not in this lifetime.
In this lifetime, I will continue to wish the pain and damage you have caused me would haunt you at night. I hope it would haunt you in a way you’d question yourself why you did that to us, to me. In this lifetime, you would never have my forgiveness because you never deserved it.
In this lifetime, you would be the person I loved too much even if you did not deserve it and you would be the person I loathe too much because you deserve it.

One thought on “Cheers to you”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.