I had this narrative all this time that you missed me, loved me even. You made maybe one half assed attempt to reconnect years later (after shit went to hell) and long ago (ten years, but late night and provoked by other circumstances). I guess I’m happy for you that you’ve moved on and that you’re occupied, even though I moved on and am occupied for some time now. I honestly feel unbalanced. I loved you and you wouldn’t have – no, you refused to believe that I could, but you were my refuge at one point. You abandoned me in the thick of things, we both know that, and I’m older and torn somehow knowing how life is now. I want you to be happy but I guess I hoped you’d try harder and if you were too weak to try, I had hoped you’d be alone because you destroyed me. We were both so stubborn then & probably now, and I’m so happy for the life I have now, but we could have chosen each other at one point and we chose to be callous. Honestly, you chose to be callous when I needed you the most. If that doesn’t say enough, I suppose I was right to not confide and stupid enough to think it mattered. It confirms all I felt then. I can’t say I don’t wish you well, but the fuck it hurt and probably the better off we are for escaping.
I’m a wise man through circumstance
Money and calm hmm
My problems don’t cut it
You may not be aware but I travelled back in silence dead stuck. Your two years ago
12 hour drive in the late of night
With the police been called
Straight to a mental institute for 3 months
One memory was a Eastern helper coming in and I was drawing on her walk up
Nothing hurt more. Not expressing anything again. The drawing was scribble coloured. Did I send you good thoughts yes.
My people are drowning.
Incase you weren’t aware.
So have i. Too many story’s untold
My problems you materialed in my heart were unspoken. Unacted. And I looked for help but I couldn’t do anything to your close support.
The system is strong. I thought you’d be aware that we all loose sometimes.
Your source is awakening. You can choose.
Internally your always the full picture to me.
Then I got a image of confusion.
Proud am I no. Willing to act on that description do you think?
You are my scientist but that in of itself is too assessed and missionary.
I loved you too. Kept to us not so.
We can be friends.
Please don’t forget our difficult backgrounds.
Touch feel is lost for me ever since.
Do I now strive in odd ways that are unaccepted yes.
Without a person who can understand that most likely always will be this way so doubt all you want. It won’t be helping me much
👋