Through out the days, weeks, months, now years, something always seems to bring me back to you. Cacophony. Im reading a new fantasy themed book series and the word cacophony threw my head and heart into a frenzy. But not like it used to, where I’m ultra depressed and missing you like my heart had been stolen and drowned at sea never to be seen again, no. This time it was joyous. I smiled at the thought of our cacophony moment. It was a twilight smile, genuine and joyous. I remember it like it was a heart skip away, we were cuddled up in bed and the blankets were a mess, all tangled up in between us. You were complaining and called it a cacophony. You were clearly sleepy but I couldn’t hold my laughter back, oh the taunting after that. I couldn’t stop giggling and asking what In the world you meant. We looked up the definition just to be sure of the meaning and you were far off. The was the first time I head that word. One of the hardest giggle fests I’d ever had. You were always the best for that. You made my heart sing and laugh and feel deeper than ever. This is the first time I felt genuine happiness while looking back at us In over 2 years. I don’t believe I will ever love anyone even half as much as I loved you. The acceptance of that is difficult. They always talk about how time heals all things but that’s not entirely it. The time allows you to separate and accept. It’s a cradling ancestor that will never leave, will allow you to walk for as long as you need in the depths of solitude until you are ready to re-emerge. It’s the acceptance that heals. When you’re finally able to accept this new reality, that is when you truly begin to heal, to move forward, to try bolder things.
I miss the you I knew, but the monster I tore myself from, know I hope you find peace. A healed mind and peace.

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